healing balm

This week Nathan had his 4 month check up.  He's now 18 1/2 lbs and growing.  I love to see him doing more everyday... the smiles and giggles, the rolling over and learning to reach for his sisters and brother.  He is truly a blessing to our family, as are all the kids.  But, God has used this baby boy is a unique way over the past year.

Exactly one year ago last week, we found out that we were expecting again.  Obviously, we didn't know it would be Nathan at the time.  But we did know that whatever baby God was giving us was a special gift from Him.  A gift to be used for His glory, but also a gift to be used for healing in our family.  Because exactly one year ago tomorrow was also our due date for our little one, Jordan... who was only with us for a little more than 3 months and is now with Jesus.  Last year was such a mix of emotions.  Feeling sad and grieving the baby that we were "supposed" to be having, but also feeling joyful and full of hope anticipating the new life that had been created.  In the mix of all those emotions, I don't think I felt the full sadness that I expected to feel on Jordan's due date.  However, this year, unexpectedly, I have felt it fully.... and then some.

I can't really put my finger on why, but I think there are probably a few reasons.  One being the upcoming move.  This is where we "had" Jordan.  Leaving here does feel like we are "leaving" behind part of our family.  Of course I know that he is not here, but the memory of the months that we had him are here.  He is buried in Wheaton, near where Ken's grandparents are buried and somehow that makes me feel better.  But it's still hard to leave.  

I think another reason I feel his loss more this year is that we do have Nathan now.  I am holding a baby, and as I look at him it really seems far more tangible, all the things that I "missed" with Jordan.  I love to see Nathan's smiles and see him growing, see his personality forming and seeing what color his hair is turning.  We never got to see all that with Jordan, and my heart misses that is a way I really didn't expect.

The past weeks I have allowed myself to think about the baby we lost.  I don't usually do that because, honestly, it's too hard.  The world really has distorted the truth of when life begins, to the point that we are led to believe that it is wrong to grieve the loss of a baby we never held.  I think, in a way, I have willed myself not to grieve this loss as fully as I might have because it truly feels as though no one could understand it anyway.  I have only talked to a few close friends about it...until now.  (So, I guess now you can all consider yourself to be close friends. :) But, as I have offered all these thoughts and feelings to the Lord, I have come to see the way this has been used in my life and that it is really okay to really hurt for this child, who was mine just as much as the other 5 are.  

   "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.  The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure."  Ecclesiastes 7:3-4  

It is through pain, through sorrow, through mourning that God does the greatest works in our lives.  And, hurt though it may, if we stand and do not run from it, He will use it in remarkable ways.  I have seen this to be true now.  And though unpleasant in some ways, I have felt the comfort and nearness of the Lord in ways I never have before.

So, this week,  I am sad for the baby that we lost.  I want to be celebrating a first birthday instead of putting flowers on a grave stone this weekend.  I am thankful for the short time we had with him, for getting see him on the ultrasound screen.  I am thankful for the little heartbeat and little movements I saw and sad remembering the day when they were no longer there.  I know that I will always feel like someone is missing in our family. I know that my words will stick in my throat every time I say that I have 5 children, wanting to tell complete strangers that we really have six.  I also know that had Jordan been born, we would never have had Nathan.  I know this was all part of God's plan and so glad that it wasn't my choice because it is one I never could have made.  I know Jordan is with the Lord and I can't wait until the day I really do get to hold him.

Nathan will never take Jordan's place.  I know he wasn't meant to.  But God has used him as a healing balm.  He has reminded us of His goodness. That it is He who gives and takes away.  So, this week instead of a one year birthday, we'll celebrate a 4 month birthday.  And we'll be really happy and really sad.

jammin'

My husband really likes music.  We have an ipod and we're all about CDs and such, but this...

can be found in the floorboard of his truck.

And I think he's so cool for that!

entertaining little ones

Long summer days can get even longer at our house when little ones get restless and looking for something to do.  So here's a suggestion...

Have your kids go play outside,in the sprinkler,

with whatever clothes they've picked out for the day,

preferably with pumpkins on their heads,

and ice cream on their faces.

If  that doesn't work for you, here's a list of a few fun things we're doing from time to time to keep ourselves entertained this summer, even on those really hot or rainy days.  Enjoy!

Make your own go-gurts: Mix a big tub of vanilla yogurt, a little milk and fruit of your choice in a blender.  Pour into popsicle molds and freeze.  Healthy, yummy, popsicles!

Have a library day every week.  Great way to spend a morning or afternoon.  Have a designated number of books that each kid checks out everytime. (Each big kid can get 10 at our house.)  That way you always know if you're missing a book.  We also take advantage of checking out books on CD, music and videos.

We have Crafty Fridays.  My kids love crafts, but I don't.  Instead of the daily begging to whip up a craft,  they can look forward to a good craft on Friday and I've had a week to plan and set supplies aside.

Have a baking day.  Great for rainy days or days it's just too hot to be outside.  Have the kids help (and learn) as you make up yummy treats for neighbors and friends.

Fun outdoor game.  Tape a "tail" made of a party streamer to each persons backside.  Give each kid a spray bottle of water.  The object is to spray the tail off the other players.  The last one left with a tail wins!

Let kids make a lemonade stand.  My kids love this one.  If you're really ambitious, combine it with a garage sale.  You keep the garage sale money, and they get lots of customers too!

My kiddos love to play school.  You can print endless "school work" pages off the internet or pick up cheap workbooks from Wal-mart.  Or, give them a chalkboard (even make your own with a piece of wood and chalkboard paint) and have them teach their "students" (each other or dolls and stuffed animals).

Have at least one "park day" every week.  Take an easy picnic lunch or snack and make  a whole morning of it.

Do service projects together.  Visit a local VA hospital or nursing home with cards and a smile.  Time it not around a holiday, but another time of the month when visitors aren't as frequent.

Build a backyard fort with an old blanket between 2 bushes or under a swingset.  If it's raining, use couch cushions inside.

Make your own playdough.

Make your own bubbles.

Outdoor toys like hula-hoops, jump ropes and balls are timeless and fun.

Sidewalk chalk is always fun.

Cheap pools and sprinklers for the backyard are a summertime must.

Walk near a pond or stream.  Take old bread and feed the ducks and fish.

Make birdfeeders with the kids.  In fall, use pinecones covered with peanut butter rolled in birdseed.  In the summer, cut fun shapes out of bread with cookie cutters, let bread harden and decorate with birdseed, hand with yarn.

Make summer books, nature books, all about me books... making any book of your own is fun.  Great quiet time activity that they can work on throughout the summer.

Make treasure maps (or better yet, let older kids make them for each other) and have endless pirate days of finding hidden treasure.

Backyard theatre:  have them make up plays and performances for all to enjoys.

Create little gardeners.  Have them  help you in a flower or vegetable garden.  If possible, allow them to have a "patch" that is theirs to plant and tend to.  So fun for them to see what they are accomplishing.

For special treats on rainy days, enjoy a playdate at McDonalds or (we prefer) Chic-Fil-A indoor playplace.  These are great places to meet friends and play with little ones, costs as little as a cup of coffe and maybe a treat for the kids.  We much prefer going early in the mornings (not lunchtime) when we pretty much have the place to ourselves.

Make a kitchen band.  Have everyone create their own instruments and enjoy live musical performances.

"Pay" kids a penny for every dandilion they pick from the yard (or weed of your choice, of course).

Children can help you clean out their toys and clothes for donation.  For every given number of toys they clean out to give away, maybe they can pick 1 "new" toy from Goodwill when you go to drop of the donation!

Remember fun books on tape is a great "rest" time activity to keep little minds occupied.

Daily after dinner walks with the whole family.  A fun way to enjoy a summer evening and wind everyone down for the night.

And if none of that floats your boat, you could always sweeten the pot with flowers.

family ties

We're getting back into the  swing of things this week here at the McNeill house after a short but fun visit to Ken's sister's house.  We were supposed to go early in the week, but I somehow injured my back and was basically bed bound (which was not all bad, I might add) for the first part of the week.  My better half took on all the household and kid duties for the week and did a great job.  However, I must say that he now has a new found appreciation for managing the daily happenings here at the zoo.

While we were visiting family, the kids got to play with their cousins and see aunts and uncles that they don't see that often.  Between our family and Ken's 2 sibilings' kids, there are a total of 13 children.  A few days there made our house seem almost quiet...almost.  The kids ran and played and stayed up late and enjoyed their cousins the same way that I remember doing as a kid. For all the fun and adventures our kids get to experience as military brats, those family connections are the one thing I miss most for them.  Of course we see family when we can and the grandparents, aunt and uncles are all great at loving on our kids from afar.  But there is something special about having a Grandmama up the road and cousins to play with after school.  Knowing and being known like that, in irreplaceable. Families give us a sense of belonging, of who we are and where we came from.  There is a security in knowing there are so many people within arms reach that love you unconditionally.  I still long for that closeness and security, but know that truly my help comes from the Lord.

I know that God created our family the way He intended and has placed us where we need to be.  Even though there are things that we miss, I know that He is withholding no good thing from my children.  As we move from place to place, separated from those we love, I know that we are not lacking.  I know that my Father an be trusted to mold my children just as they should be through these circumstances....and certainly mold my heart as well.

 

Although my children will not grow up with family down the road like I did, I hope that we can always make the most of every visit, every phone call, even every Skype call in this computer age.  They are blessed beyond measure to have so many grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins that love them...no matter where we all live.  We do miss our families, and even more so, miss them for our kids.  But we trust and know that God has provided all we need through His abundant riches. We had a fun visit with family and we're looking forward to another fun visit next weekend.  So...of course...here are a few photos what are sure to be some fun memories. And we can take memories to every duty station!

Like, wagon rides with the cousins behind the tractor.

The babes.  Here's our youngest with Ken's brother's youngest and his sister's youngest.  

So sweet.

Of course the pool was a big splash..hehe.  Here's Jake getting in on the big kid action.

Beautiful sunsets over Illinois corn fields.

 

Really, when you're 7....does it get any better than this?

(almost) wordless Wednesday

As we're heading out of town for a few days for some family summer fun, I'll leave you with a yummy photo of summer.  Happy Wednesday!

splishin' and splashin'

Mom may be down in the dumps back, but that's no reason for everyone else not to have fun! There are loads of splash parks around here and that's just what the doctor ordered for these unseasonably hot days we've been having lately. As exciting as water parks are, the kids can't wait until we're living near the beach again. We've enjoyed our time here, but this Navy family has been landlocked long enough! In about 6 weeks we'll be beachin' it in (sunny?) Rhode Island! And if all that excitement isn't quite enough, murmurings are now beginning for our next set of orders. You know, where we'll live after Rhode Island, since we'll only be in RI for 10 months!  Hopefully, that announcement will be coming next week...but let's just say, it looks like it might be a doosey!  In the meantime, I'll just leave you with some pictures of our 4 oldest splishin' and splashin' the summer away!

house rules

Well, I'm still, for all practical purposes, immobile.  I have no idea what I've done to my neck and back, but I think I shall be visiting the doctor tomorrow to find out.  Today, I've spent almost the entire day in the bed.  Now that I am  utterly and completely bored with that, I have creeped over to the computer.   Ken is still doing full time dad duty today, popping in occasionally to check on me or bring me the baby to nurse.  He's a good one, let me tell ya.

I know how busy it can be taking care of our little ones.  I wouldn't trade them for the world, but things can get crazy from time to time.  Especially with our firstborn son.  I don't know if it's just his age or the fact that we're newbies to raising boys or maybe a combination.  But, he has an amazing propensity for getting into things...lots of things.   It's not really that he's overtly disobedient.  It's more that he tends to occupy himself with things that I've never thought to set off limits.

For example, when I came down stairs earlier this week after putting Nathan to bed, I was greeted with this....

And on closer examination, I find this...

So now I know.  I do need to say, "Don't play with your trucks in the Ovaltine."  I just never thought to say it before.  I never knew it was necessary.  Come to find out, with a 3 year old, it is necessary.  Very much so.

I suppose I should probably also discuss the importance of not climbing inside the fridge...

  Some things just can't be left unsaid.

Happy Father's Day...

...and what a Father's Day it's turned out to be!

This morning I awoke with what I think is a pinched nerve in my neck/back.  Holy cow...I've never been knocked on my butt quite like this before.  For the whole morning, I wasn't even able to get out of bed and now I'm just creeping around like a little old woman.  And what has my husband been doing today?  Being my hero, of course. 

He's been taking care of 5 little ones and bringing me breakfast in bed...you would have thought it was Mother's Day rather than Father's Day.  I had hoped to give him a special day, but it turned out he's spending the day being the caretaker of us all.  I promised him a Father's Day do-over as soon as I'm up and at 'em again.  Once again today he's reminded me of what a wonderful Father and husband he really is.  Thanks, honey.  I love you!

And, in the spirit of Father's Day....here's a picture of the cute little hip monkey he's been carrying around all morning.

tough guy

wait for it...

wait for it...

ATTACK!!!

Sacred Parenting

Ken and I  are just starting to read a book together called Sacred Parenting.  The author, Gary Thomas, is most well known for his book, Sacred Marriage, in which he suggests that the object of marriage is not so much to make us happy, but rather to make us holy.  In this book, Sacred Parenting, he takes a look at how God uses our children to change us to be more like Him.

We received the book in the mail this week and as I was opening the package, Hannah was watching and eagerly waiting to see what was inside.  Quickly glancing at the book, and obviously misreading it, she asked, "Mom, what is Scared Parenting?"  I had to laugh out loud.  As I explained that it was Sacred Parenting and what that meant, I couldn't help but think that her statement was actually more profound than she knew.  

I think many of us daily struggle with "scared parenting". It is the tendency to parent reactively rather than proactively.  As we rightly realize the importance of the task before us, we become anxious.  Then, out of a true desire for what is best for our children, we parent as if the outcome is completely up to us.  

As I have struggled through this wrong thinking, I have found peace in following a God who loves my children far more than I do.  Yes, it is a sacred calling to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  However, it is He who holds their hearts and turns them as He pleases.  With each of our children, we have taken them before the Lord as children of His covenant.  We commit to pray for them, teach them, love them with His love, and, as Hannah did with Samuel, in our hearts, leave them before the Lord.  I so wish I could do that perfectly, but I find myself daily wanting to again take control, assuming that I somehow know better than the Lord.  If only, I think, I could impress this or that truth upon their little hearts then they would be okay.  But, thankfully, that isn't the case.  No, I will continually give them to the Lord, trusting Him with their hearts, confessing my own sin and lack of faith.  Knowing that through them, God is working for my holiness and for theirs, but ultimately for His glory. What sweet freedom there is in His truth!

And though I hold this truth tonight, I know that tomorrow I will again struggle with "scared parenting" and again I will have to look to the cross and know that the One who created my children has a plan for them.  And that He also created me to be their mother and He has a plan for me as well.  I just have to trust Him in this, that is truly a sacred journey.

just like Daddy

Whenever Ken works on a project around the house...

there are always little ones there, watching every move....

so that when they grow up, they can be just like Daddy.

I really do hope that my boys grow up to be just like their Daddy.  He's pretty awesome.

And speaking of being just like Daddy, thanks for all the advice on potty training.  Although the we are still in the process, Jake is doing very well so far.  And I love his little bum in his dinosaur underwear!

Our week in pictures

I feel like we've had a such a busy week, it would be hard to put it all into words, so this week, I'll give it to you in pictures.  That's more fun anyway, right?

To start, let's have a "woot, woot!" for Ken who finished his tri-annual inspection at work this week and passed it with flying colors!  Yay Daddy!  I know how brilliant he is, but I always enjoy it when others get to see it too.   Since the inspection is over, Daddy is getting to spend alot more time here with us.  Here's how Jake feels about that.

Claire has spent the week being a ballerina princess and dancing with her sister.

Hannah has spent hours playing outside and remains the resident gymnast. 

Gracie performed a bit of Swan Lake...or something like it..in the backyard.

And Nathan spent most of his week just being cute.  

All was going well in the week...and then it happened.  Our good and faithful washing machine died.  I can't say that I blame it, considering the rigors that it endures washing for a family of seven.  Still, something had to be done.  Out with the old....

And in with the new!  I can't tell you how exciting it has been for us all this week (especially me, the primary doer of the laundry) to have a new high capacity washer and dryer!  We are indeed a high capacity family so this is a little bit on the necessity side of things.  However, since it's red and all... it's a little bit of a luxury too!  Like a red car is a little more fun to drive....so a red washer is a little more fun to use!  

But the very bestest part of all is that it can do this much laundry in one load!!!  Dreams really do come true!!!

And if all that wasn't enough, because it is a front loader, I now have help!  Lots of it!  Okay, so we need to work on  "sorting", but still...it's laundry fairies in the making!


So, we had a yard sale to pass along the old dryer and various other items that we don't care to move with us.  The kids had fun selling things and it was nice to clear out some space in the garage.  After that, we.... had a party, of course!

Well, we didn't have the party, but some dear friends and neighbors all got together and had a Western Hoe Down to bid our family farewell before we move next month.    We all had a great time.  There was delicious food...

and drink...

And lots of fun!  The kids had balloons and games and even a cowboy hat pinata.  They played limbo and even put on singing and dance performances...

And they bobbed for apples.  Which is no small feat when you don't have front teeth.

I did mention it was a western party, didn't I?  We had cowgirls and boys everywhere!

We are so thankful for all of the friends we have made here.  They have made our Indiana tour one of our favorite so far.  

And at the end of the evening, once everyone came down from their sugar high, we slept.  

What a fun week.

Still under construction!

Obviously, my blog is still under construction.  But while it is, I think I'll take this opportunity to post some too cute photos of my too cute kiddos.  Yes, I'm biased.  However, the whole reason I'm revamping my blog is so I can post bigger pictures... because, after all, that's the best part!  I just need to add a bit more color and find a big picture friendly template and I'll be done.  

Under construction!

Please excuse the random picture and the strange layout.  I'm in the midst of changing my blog design and it could take a few days! (Ironically, this is a picture that was taken back when our family was still under construction!)

turtle on a fence post

You've probably heard the saying....

If you ever see a turtle on a fence post, you know it had some help getting there.

deep thinker

As I have said before, my little Grace is my deep thinker.  She comes up with the most mind boggling questions sometimes.

A few days ago, while watching cartoons, she turned and said, "Mom, how come God is God and we're not?"  To which I astutely answered, "What?"

"You know, why is there only one God and we can't be God?"

Don't we all wrestle with that questions from time to time?  We just never phrase it quite like that.

Other times, I think she just enjoys trying to stump me.

Like today, "Mom, I bet you don't know how many people are in the entire world."   So I, needing to prove my mental prowess, said, "About 7 billion."

"Nope, I meant in Heaven too."

No, I don't know how many people have ever lived on earth, much less their spiritual condition or their eternal  dwelling.  I guess she got me.

tasty, easy recipe

This picture from the weekend has nothing to do with this post...except that both in this picture are tasty and sweet...but rarely sour.  And the little one is easy, but come to think of it, so is the big one... I digress.

Here's a recipe that I made up this past week on one of those nights when I didn't have a plan for dinner.  I just grabbed a couple of things from the pantry and fridge and put them together and it turned out great, so I thought I'd share.

Sweet and Sour Chicken:

3-4 chicken breasts, cut up and saute, season to taste

Add 1/2 jar peach salsa (I used Newman's Own, yummy)

Pour in 1 can pineapple chunks and juice

Simmer until chicken is done and sauce has slightly thickened.

Serve over sticky rice with a side of snow peas.

I was expecting more of a Mexican flavor, but it turned out more Asian and very tasty. With a few tweaks, I'm sure this would be a great recipe for the crockpot as well!

in a nutshell

I'm still here and haven't forgotten about my summer book.  It's just that I'm so busy doing the things that I want to write about that I don't actually have time to write!  Also, my sweet husband got me some fantastic photo editing software for my birthday and I've been playing with that every chance I get on the computer.  So, when I do finally get around to posting again, I hope that the photos will be really cool.

In the mean time, I'll hit the highlights of the week (with pictures to follow later) so I won't be too far behind on my chronicle of summer.

Sunday:  Nathan was baptized; very special day and I did manage to post about that earlier. Yay!  Also, it was my birthday and I'm 29 for the 5th time.

Monday: 1st official day of summer break.  Ken took the kids to the YMCA pool for the first swim of the year.

Tuesday:  Had fun school time with the kids and had an afternoon playing in the sprinkler and baby pool in the backyard.

Wednesday:  School time, then made yummy wheat bread with the kids, that I'll post the recipe of later.  It rained all day, so we had a quick indoor playdate with friends.

Thursday:  Checked out a new park, took OJ and fig newtons and had a fun outdoor snack picnic.  I got to go to Wal-mart by myself once Nathan went to sleep that night...another Yay!

Friday:  Ken was the guest speaker at the USS Indianapolis Survivors Memorial service.  The kids and I went to cheer him on, then we all had lunch together outside at a downtown shoppe. (This picture is of Daddy holding Nate after the service)  Then me and my sweet hubby ate Ben 'n Jerry's together after the kids went to bed!  Now, it's bed time and I'll post more later!  With pictures!