What it's all about

These are my people. My favorite people in the whole wide world. Really. The whole world.

This picture is several months old. But then again, that's fitting because it's been several months since I posted much of anything on here. As much as I loved blogging before, I'm just not there right now.

These are my people. And they're what it's all about right now.

Some people are super organized and together and can do it all and blog about it.

That's not me.

I love taking pictures and sharing and writing. And I really could spend hours doing that right now. But those hours, for me, have to come from somewhere. And I'm just not willing to take them from these people right now.

Maybe when I'm more organized and settled and life is less busy (which I don't think will ever happen). Maybe then I'll blog again.

But maybe not.

Either way. I'm still here. And we're doing okay. And I'm loving that I get to be a wife and mommy. I love my husband that is my teammate through doing all of the exciting and the mundane things that make our life what it is.

I'll hopefully be spending this Fall taking care of the most important things first. Choosing more wisely than I have before. Or maybe not. But I'll try.

For everything there is a season. And this is my season to be all here. All the time. Making our house a home. Serving my family. Not giving my energies to something else. Because there is nothing more worthy than the calling to which He has called me. And because I'm sinful and am so easily lured away by bright and shiny objects... sometimes I just have to step away. And remember my calling. And the One who has called me.

These are my people.

And what an amazing gift that is.

Yeah... about the dog....

Well, it saddens me to say that Max really wasn't meant to be a McNeill after all. I can't tell you how bummed we were. How mean is that to give a kids and puppy, then take it away??

He was the sweetest little guy. Until he wasn't.

We noticed on his second day here that he began growling at the kids when they would try to take his ball from him. I chalked it up to "being a puppy". Surely, he was just playing, right?

So Ken and I sat down with him that night after the kids were in bed. We were playing with him and I wanted to test him a little and see if it really was a growl. Well, I tried to take his bone and he tried to take my hand. It wasn't pretty.

He didn't hurt me because he's such a little guy, but he made it very clear that we would very easily bite if provoked. Then Ken tried to pick him up when he wasn't even holding the bone, and he tried to bite him, too.

We lost alot of sleep trying to figure out the best thing to do. How do you tell kids that the puppy can't stay? But Max will be a very big dog, very soon and we just can't take the chance that he will bite someone.

We called the breeder we got him from the next morning and discussed it with her. She said that it is possible that we just happened to get a particularly aggressive dog. She told us to bring him back and she would work with him some more. Though it was a tough call, we returned Max to the place from whence he came.

It made the kids feel much better that he was going back to be with his mother and brothers again. And surprisingly, they weren't as sad as I thought they would be.

It seems that 2 days was enough time for them to get a good taste of how much work a puppy really is. Although they were disappointed, I was glad that they could see that this was the best thing for our family... and for Max.

So the dog hunt is back on. Hopefully, this time we can choose a little more wisely. We're hoping to adopt from the local shelter when the time is right. But, after a few days with Max, I for one don't mind waiting a little while.

the newest McNeill

The McNeill family has a new member.

This is Max.

It's not a real baby... but close. Max is a Golden Retriever puppy that joined our clan yesterday. He is a 10 week old bundle of cuteness, fur and love. And trouble. But aren't all puppies?

We just thought that we weren't really busy enough right now, so perhaps we could train a puppy in all our free time.

The kids adore him.

Except when they don't.

(Those pictures totally crack me up because 1) they were taken literally 2 seconds apart and 2) because of the mismatched camo paired with one pink shoe?)

We had been telling the kids that once we moved and got settled in that we could get the puppy that they have been so desperately pleading for. Well, we're not settled in, but we have moved. And I think Max is going to make a great addition to our family.

Yes, he's going to be a whole lot of work. But as my sweet friend reminded me today, aren't all good things a whole lot of work?

Welcome to the family, Max.

happy day

So happy to report that I just got a camera in the mail!

Thanks to our wonderful homeowner's insurance that covered most of what was stolen, I was able to purchase another camera. Apparently, they no longer make the camera I had before... so I had to upgrade. I was a little bummed because I loved my camera. But now that I have my hands on the new one, all black and shiny, I'm kinda over it.

I'm still charging batteries and working on getting the right memory stick, so no pictures just yet... but I'm closer than I was. Happy day.

Speaking of cameras, I had the take my oldest 2 girls to the dentist this week. (Sorry, but a smooth transition there just wasn't possible).

Anyway, Grace had to get 2 baby teeth pulled to make room for the big ones. They were starting to come in high in her gums and it wasn't going to be pleasant. Hannah also had to go in for a filling.... bad mommy, I know. Anyway, as is our usual MO, I had all 5 little ones in tow. After waiting in the waiting room with children 3 thru 5 for over an hour, Grace comes out... all stuffed full of gauze and feeling a little woozy. I immediately recognized the look on her face and we headed for the bathroom where she threw up everything, gauze and all. Apparently this "happens sometimes?" I did not know this. Now I do. Anyway, I take children 2 thru 5 to the car while we wait on Hannah and just told them to come get me when they were done. They did, but the whole process for Han took nearly 2 hours. For one tiny filling. Really?

Needless to say, we were so done with the dentist by the time we left. Obviously, I felt bad for G and all that she had been through. And I could help but think of how hard it must be for Hannah to sit there and be worked on for that long. Sitting still isn't her forte under the best of circumstances. Doing it under threat of drill and needle is, I'm sure, much worse.

As we were driving home, Hannah tells me that she just kept repeating 2 verses in her head. One about suffering being temporary (I can't remember now which one she quoted) and the other being Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Those words, brought to her by the Holy Spirit, to comfort her in her time of need. What a blessing as a parent to see, so tangibly, God working in the life of your child. I couldn't be back there in that chair with her. But God was there. His Holy Spirit was there to comfort her, to bring those words to her mind, the words that He had sealed into her heart. God's Word truly is living and active. Wow.

my tween

It seems that somehow, overnight, my oldest has gone from being a little girl to a tween. I don't really like that word because of all it's negative connotations, but what else can you call it? She not really a little girl and thankfully not yet a teenager.... she's in between. And what a beautiful place that is turning out to be.

Not the eye rolling, foot stomping, too-big-for my britches attitude that you usually think of when you hear her age. But the older, wiser, "can I help you Mom?" kind of attitude that assures my heart.

Today, she slept in until nearly 10am. My girl, who has been up with the chickens since birth, suddenly delights in sleeping. And she got her braces off yesterday. What a beautiful smile she has. And today, when we rolled out the summer right of passage, the slip-n-slide.... I walked outside to find her siblings splashing tirelessly. She was laying on her towel on the deck. How does she even know about sunbathing?

Of course, a few minutes later she was splashing with the best of them. But just for a moment... she was a little bit beyond that sort of fun. I see it happening slowing and quickly altogether. She is growing up.

I know that soon hormones will rage and eyes will roll and feet will occasionally stomp. But then she will laugh or help her brother or cook dinner and I will smile. I will still hear her pray and know her heart and lift her up, knowing her Father will sustain her the same at 16 as He did at six. I pray that the temptations will not be too much and that her heart will always be at Home.

She's always been the one to sharpen me, as iron sharpens iron. I have no doubt the coming years will be no different. But I will hold each day as a treasure. Whether she be big or little... or somewhere in between.

a brief rundown

Do you ever have so much to do that you just don't do anything? Well, that's where I am in my house right now. And apparently on my blog as well. So much has happened, is happening here right now. Not sure really where to start.

We moved. This weekend. Our 10th address in 11 years. We're in our new house, praise God. We love it. However, we have boxes ceiling high and we still don't have a refrigerator. Feeding a family of 7 our of an ice chest for 4 days has been challenging. But the fridge is being delivered today.

I love our house. We have the nicest neighbors ever. And a lovely yard....complete with a garden in which I will try with all my might to grow fresh veggies. And flowers. There are already pretty flowers there. And there are lots of lightening bugs and alot fewer mosquitos.

Before we moved, however, our house (our old rental where we were living before) got robbed. Like really robbed. We were upstairs sleeping and apparently 3 guys came in the backdoor and took most everything valuable downstairs. Thankfully, the 7 things that are really valuable were upstairs sleeping, blissfully unaware. God protected us. Without a doubt. And I am thankful.

But that's why there are no pictures here now. We no longer have a camera. Or a TV. Or anything else electronic... except the computer. Obviously. The only thing that made me sad was that they took a video camera and the tape inside, which was of Jake's birth and first week of his sweet little life. That kinda makes me want to hunt them down.

However, the police caught one of them. Turns out it was a gang thing. And we really don't live in the ghetto. However, we are alot more careful about checking the deadbolt now. Sad that you have to worry about that, no?

The girls finished school. They had a great year and learned so much. I can't believe how fast they're growing. Grace just turned 8. Can't believe that my chubbiest little baby is such a beautiful young lady now, reading books for hours on end, creating beautiful works of art and developing her own sense of style. Although my little carefree spirit did wear 2 left shoes to school a few weeks ago. Really. I think it's because she was born in California.

Jacob also turned 5 in May. He is doing well. Always up for a game of hide-and-seek or Candyland. His favorite books are still the dictionary and "the USA book" (a textbook on American history). His talents and interests will probably always be a bit off the beaten path. I don't ever watch him and totally forget that he's autistic. But I'm learning to be okay with that. Not that I have a choice. He is a beautiful gift to us. Created exactly as the Father intended... without mistake.

Ken and I also had birthdays. He's now approaching the mid 40s and I'm officially old enough to be "advanced maternal age". And that's all we really need to say about that.

2 weeks ago, as we were gearing up to move, I found out that my Mema back home was terminally ill. She's had Alzheimers for a while, but due to a new condition, she wasn't expected to live much longer. I grew up in the house with my Mema and Papa. My family lived with them from the time I was 5 and still live there now. I flew home to say goodbye.

I spent time alone with her in the hospital. I got to care for her the way she has always cared for me. I got to be with her and love on her as best I could. I got to say goodbye. At least for now. I know I will see her again. What a glorious day that will be.

I came home, then flew back the next week for the funeral. I could say so many amazing things about her life. But to do so on a blog seems trite. So I won't. But she was amazing. As is my mom, who has spent tireless hours and days and months caring for her. I come from a long line of pretty amazing women. There's hope for me yet.

It's 5am now and I'm heading into another day of unpacking. And Hannah gets her braces off today. Sitting and writing and praying and so thankful for my family. For Claire's sweetness and Gracie's sense of humor. For Hannah's sense of responsibility and Jacob's love. And Nathan's cuteness that I could just eat with a spoon. And for a loving husband to share all this with. And for another day to try to recognize the grace that is so freely given. And to choose joy.

alot

Really?  It's been this long since I've posted?  And now that it's midnight and I have to be up in about 5 hours, I think this is the best time to catch up?  There's just so much.  Please excuse the random stream of thoughts here, but putting all my thoughts into flowing verse escapes me at this hour.

Nathan turned two.  I have lovely pictures of his birthday, but my computer is not allowing me to download them just now, so I'll have to post those later.  We had the traditional birthday breakfast complete with presents and Spiderman plates.  He is so much fun these days.  So incredibly much work... but so much fun.  He has an awesome, vibrant personality and a million dollar smile.  He attacks life head-on, full force and with no inhibitions whatsoever.  He is talking like crazy and will jump off of anything.  Anything.  His favorite toys are Ken's wallet and his toy trucks.  He loves basketball and most any other kind of ball.  And hats, he loves hats.  He likes to use the potty but just for fun, not really in a potty-trained kind of way. He does however like to take off full diapers and play with the contents.  You're welcome.  Other than that, he's adorable most of the time.  Except when he's screaming.  But even then, one has to admire his passion for life and for whatever else it is he wants at the moment.  Passionate.  That's a good word for it.

We bought a house.  Or, are buying a house, I should say.  We are supposed to close in May.  After a year of renting, we decided to jump into the market again.  With Jake's diagnosis with are  an "Exceptional Military Family", therefore will likely be homesteaded here for the duration of Ken's career.  We like it here, the kids like it here and I could see it as a place we could grow roots.  So, rather than renting for another year, we are buying.  We'll be moving in June. Only about 2 miles down the street.  The house has plenty of room for us, a yard that invites kids to play and is in a good location.  Those were important features to us.

We lost a baby.  It sounds unimportant throwing that statement in mid-blog.  But it's not.  It is and was very important.  And hard.  He was a baby that was here and loved and named.  I found out while Ken was in Germany last month that we were pregnant again.  We were surprised but, of course, very happy.  Around 6 weeks, I could tell things weren't going well and I miscarried shortly thereafter.  We had told the kids about the baby.  When we told them of the miscarriage they were disappointed, but handled it with great eternal perspective.  Gracie just pointed out that our family in Heaven is growing.  She's right.  That makes 3 babies that we've ushered into heaven in the last few years.  I don't understand it, but I guess I don't have to.  I have lots of other thoughts on all these things, but I haven't fully processed them into words yet.  In the mean time, I'm just trusting Jesus.

Jake's therapy is going well.  We are seeing progress with him and hoping it will continue.  I'm learning alot about advocating for him and about the need for more awareness about Autism.  I could do a whole post on that.  I guess that's the social worker in me coming out.  It's also the mom in me.  I want what's best for him and I want him to have opportunities and I want him to be understood.  With or without AS, he is a joy to me.  I just love that guy.

The girls are doing well.  Although I don't want to lump them all together as "the girls" because

they couldn't possibly be more different from one another.  They are all strong and beautiful and funny and sweet... but all in amazingly unique ways.  They're loving school and really settling into life here.  

We have major things on the horizon.  Stuff that is still in the planning and processing and praying stage.  Stuff that will be hard and trying and testing.  Stuff that I will need my God to get through.  But, as mama always said, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  I'm realizing that most of the spiritual growth in my life hasn't come by way of the easy things.  So if it's the hard things that will bring me to know Him more, then I pray that I will have the grace to embrace that.

In the  mean time, we are enjoying the fruits of all that God has blessed us with.  Warm weather, exciting days, beautiful children, fellowship, best friends, each other. 

 Life is hard.  God is good.  Don't confuse the two.  :)

One thousand gifts...

I recently joined a cross-country book club with some bloggy friends (thanks, Amy!) in reading a book by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts. It is a book about living a full and joyfully contented life right where you are, wherever God has you. I was hesitant to read this book at first. I have read her blog for quiet a while and though I love her writing, her style is such that it has to be read slowly and deliberately. Almost like a novel? However, I have been pleasantly surprised in reading this book. It is really an enjoyable read, and it is also encouraging me to look at the little things in my life and truly be thankful. It is amazing the joy and contentment that comes from thankfulness....from "being thankful in everything."

As I'm putting these principles into practice in my own life, here are a few things I've been thankful for lately.

The mess that is my kitchen. The signs of life. That they are here and they play. The wagon, the blocks, the smiles they bring.

A work in progress. The things still to be done. The music that such labor will bring.

His patient hands.  All that he does for us. 

The mess that is this boy.  Chocolate from head to toe.  His energy and his mischief. 

Slurping spaghetti. Meals that make them happy.  Sloppy faces and smiles.

Gifts made by a heart friend.  Reminders to pray. Beauty in the cross.

Homemade ice-cream, shaken by little hands. Trying new things. Sweetness.

Her love for poetry. Writing in the quiet time of the morning. Seeing her love for the written word and catching a glimpse of her heart through it.

Birthday parties.  Pinatas.  Friends and growing older. Her pigtails and love for everything pink.  Candy that spills out.  Excited squeals.  6 years worth of blessings and then some.

Bright colors that fill our house and lives right now.  Crayon on everything and beautiful works of art. Things that are in row and neatly sharpened.

Birthday breakfasts. Our family traditions.  Breakfast served with candles. Sticky smiles.

Sneaky boys. His love for all things green. Little fingers, reaching hands.

Brothers.  Garbage trucks. Playtime in PJs. Sunny mornings. Working together. A rare moment of sharing. Knowing they love each other.  Seeing them learn from one another.  Marveling at the gift that they are to each other. 

Raisins. Snowsuits. Cozy hats. A break from the cold.  A peak outside on a snowy day.

Peacefulness. Quietness.  Solitude. A soft place to fall.

Crocheted hats. Pink flowers. Colorful braces. Wrinkled noses.

Icicles. The wonder of nature. How everything seems new with every snowfall.

Snow angels.  My angels in the snow.

Flying through the air.  Landing on our feet.  The freedom of childhood. Swingsets and snowboots.

Hearts, interwoven. Valentines Day. Thoughtful gifts and friends with which to share them.

Care in each letter.  Sounding out words.  Spelling from the heart.

Rosy cheeks.  Red noses.  Eating snow. Numb fingers.  Diving right in.

Paw prints outside the window. Anticipation.  Waking to see the snow as the sun comes up.

Helpers in the kitchen. Mommies in training. Pretty girls in pretty aprons.

Tip-toes beside me.  Straining to be grown. Knowing they will be soon.

Silly faces.  Homework. Being able to take the time to laugh. 

Sun-filled faces. Newness of life.  Joyful expectation.

These are a few of the things I'm thankful for today. I think I'm going to enjoy the journey of writing a few of them down.  Bringing them to the front of my mind.  Learning to enjoy the little things.

a little something pink for Valentine's Day

I got something little and pink for Valentine's Day.

If you're thinking something sexy...or a baby....or both.... you'd be wrong.

This is the little pinkness in our house right now....

4 of the seven of us got Strep throat for Valentine's Day!  Lovely, no?

And now we have a house full of little pink bottles of meds to hopefully make us all better.  And for that I am thankful.

Grace, Claire, Jake and myself are the ones who are down so far.  And it is no fun.

 

Thankfully, Ken had taken the day off already so that we could spend a romantic day together. Instead, he took care of us in every way.   He served all of us and showed us unconditional love.

And I guess that's what Valentine's Day is all about, right?

Thanks for being my hero, honey.... this Valentine's Day and everyday.  I love you.

light reading

Jake finished his first full week of ABA therapy last week.  It went fantastic, and I am so thankful that we have been blessed with this resource for him.  Recently it has been shown to be the most effective form of therapy for kids with ASD, and I can totally see why.  It is behavior training at it's finest.  He's going to "preschool" three mornings a week, but while he is there he is being worked with one-on-one the entire time with an ABA therapist.  She walks him through the whole day.  Every interaction, every playtime and every school time.  She is teaching him the skills that he needs to navigate the day.  He is taught appropriate behaviors and rewarded generously with praise and tickles.  (She told me that those seems to be his favorite reward... she knows my boy well.)

I'm seeing progress already, albeit in baby steps.  As he progresses in this environment, his therapist will begin coming to our house, teaching him appropriate behaviors and the mastery of skills at home.  She will go with us to the park or the library, wherever he goes.  Helping the world be a friendlier place for him, until he is ready to tackle it on his own.  I think it would be nice if we all had a therapist to walk us through life, no?

As we focus on all the areas to work on with him and set goals for him, I am reminded constantly of all that he can do rather than what he can't do.  He is a brilliant, funny little boy... his mind just works differently than some.  I recently heard ASD referred to as "neuro-diversity".   That made me laugh.  I think we could all fit into that category.

For Christmas, we bought George W. Bush's new book Decision Points for my father-in-law.  Jake came across it and it quickly became his favorite book.  He read it every day.  We wrapped it, and he unwrapped it.  We hid it for fear of it becoming overly-worn before it was gifted... but he found it.  He loved this book.



Obviously he didn't understand every word, and I doubt that he comprehended much of what he was reading, but the fact that he spent so much time reading this book was so funny.    He's four... and I'm pretty sure he's a Republican.

Whatever the reason this book struck his fancy, it was a good reminder of all of the gifts that are inside our little neuro-diverse boy.  He is a treasure to us, as are all of our children.  And he adds so much to our family, as do they.  What a blessing.

catching up

It's been a while since I've had the time to blog about day to day things.  It's just that there are so many little things.... and so little time.  Anyway, a few weeks back we had Ken's parents in town for a visit.  The kids enjoyed some grandparent attention and got to a couple of fun outings.  One was a tour of one of the carriers, the USS Bush, that is in port. We live so close to all this, but rarely do you take the time to visit and see these things up close.

This one, the USS Enterprise, is now deployed and carrying with it our prayers for the sailors and a friend of ours.    We're praying with you, J!

The older kids (the top 4, as we like to call them) got to go on the tour, while I stayed home with the little guy.  He would have loved it too, but carriers aren't the safest place for busy toddlers.

Dancing on the flight deck.  That may be a first.

Jake really enjoyed the whole thing... boats and planes.  Every boy's dream.  His Bumpa enjoyed it too... for the same reasons.

This weekend, we're having a few special outings with the kids as well.  Ken is taking the boys to see "Thomas Live".  I wish I could see their faces.  They soooo love Thomas.  While they have guy time, the girls and I are going to a paint-your-own pottery shop.  Right up the alley of my creative girls.  Hope your weekend is fun, too.

why I love this guy...

packin heat

Over the holidays, we went to Alabama to spend a week with my family. Christmas was great, of course. We hadn't been home as a family in nearly 2 years so it was a treat for all of us. The kids just love spending time with my parents and all of the extended family. Their favorite part, I think, is getting to experience living in "the country". Right now, unfortunately, we live in the middle of suburbia. There are alot of fun and valuable things about rural life that the kids miss. But for a week over Christmas, they got to experience country living, the way I grew up... and they loved it. They played outside almost non-stop (because in AL you can play outside in December..... July, not so much). They put pennies on the railroad tracks, they checked out cotton and cows and tractors. They got to feed chickens and pet a donkey and see sheep. They drove a golf cart all over the fields (Hannah even learned to drive) and even ended a few of the evenings by a bonfire. However, one of their favorite new experiences was shooting their first rifle.

On Christmas Eve, we took the kids our in the back yard and the older girls got to shoot for the first time.

Because really, nothing says "Christmas" like shooting something.

It was a family affair. Four generations, gathered on this sacred day. To shoot stuff.

I was impressed with hubby's skills. I think he's a southerner at heart.

We didn't shoot anyone.  Just targets.  But the kids thought it was so cool.

I even got to teach the girls to shoot on the very first rifle I ever shot.  I was about their age and I have great memories of shooting with my dad and granddad.

It was very special mother/daughter bonding.

 

But now that I knocked the rust off my skills.... don't mess with me...

...cause Mama's packin heat.

a marathon

Well, our first week of Jake's new therapies went way better than I could have imagined.  He loves his new preschool.  When I picked him up, both days he met me with a smile.  He isn't able to really tell me exactly what he did there, but I could tell by his face that he had fun.  He did tell me that he "loves" preschool and thanked me several times for taking him there.

His new speech/language therapy went just as well.  He really enjoys his teacher and is in a therapy group with only one other little boy. All of his teachers (speech and preschool) are young and fun and so eager to work with him.  I can't say enough what a blessing all of this is.

Next week (hopefully) all of the paperwork will be to place so he can start his ABA therapy.  Thankfully, as I mentioned earlier, his therapist is also his preschool teacher, so I'm hopeful that the transition will be easier for him.

After such a banner week with Jake, sometimes I can forget just how far we have to go with him.  At home or in an environment (like this preschool) that is catering to his needs, he can really seem like such a typical child. (I'm learning that "typical" is the PC way to say "normal" in the ASD community....it does sound better, doesn't it?)  

Anyway, as was the case this week, I can tend for forget(?) or just be lulled into thinking that things are better than they are, maybe?  Then, we go on an outing.... to get a haircut or take a sibling to the doctor or to the grocery store.  Wham.  It's like a punch to the stomach, as I realize we have much further to go in this journey than I wanted to believe.

I'm learning how to deal with his behaviors in public.  Honestly, I have no idea how to do that.  And what's more, is I'm trying to figure out how to deal with my other kids who are (justifiably) embarrassed by how their brother is behaving.  I would love to tell them not to be embarrassed or tell them not to worry about what others think.  But, quite frankly, I'm having trouble telling myself that sometimes.  How bad is that? 

In the day to day right now, we're beginning a gluten-free, casein-free diet. I can't tell you how overwhelming that feels.  I look at recipes and I've never even  heard of half of the ingredients.... much less used them.  Xanthum gum, anyone?  Making all of our own bread and eliminating everything with wheat or milk ingredients: pretzels, yogurt, cheese, milk, cereal, goldfish, crackers, sandwiches, pizza, tacos.... basically everything he likes?  Needless to say, it's a huge change for the whole family.

I know I can learn to cook this way, but boy, the learning curve is steeeeep. Thankfully, I have some great friends who are ahead of me on this journey... encouraging me and sending me recipes every step of the way. Even in the limiting dabbling that we've done in this diet so far, we seem to be seeing some positive changes.  So, I'm in.  If there is a chance that a diet change could help this little guy, we'll eat cardboard if we need to.  (And from the taste of some of this stuff....that just may be one of the ingredients.)

So, it's one step forward, two steps back.  But some weeks, it's two steps forward and only one back.  I'm seeing that this is definitely a marathon and not a sprint.  And I'm thankful for all the encouraging emails and comments from so many people that are helping us along the way....you're like the guys handing out Gatorade at the 2 mile mark.  There is still a long way to go, but God is still providing and I know He always will.

provision

An hour ago I left Jacob at preschool for the first time ever.  He was a little hesitant, but handled it beautifully.  I think I'm more upset by the whole evolution than he is.  I know this is good for him, but still. He's my baby boy.... by my side every morning for the last 4 1/2 years, so this is a big change for both of us.

This preschool is just one of the many ways God has provided for us lately.  After Jacob's diagnosis, it was recommend  to us that he would benefit from preschool.  Along with the therapies that he is/will be receiving, being around kids his age in a social environment will help him learn the social skills/behaviors that he needs.  While I agree with that, actually finding a preschool presented itself as a whole different challenge.

While he needs to by around "typical" children, he is not "typical", therefore requires a bit of extra time, attention and re-directing.  Understandably, this is more than the average preschool teacher is able to do, while managing an entire class of 4 years olds.    We looked at a couple of different preschools but all the ones we considered were either unwilling to take on the added responsibility of an ASD kid, or willing to take him on as long as he wasn't too different.... didn't require too much time and attention.

** Let me insert here that I don't at all blame these preschools for this.  They are not equipped for special needs kids and asking them to take this on would be unfair to them and to Jacob.

Well, God provided.  As He always has.  Through a variety of providential meetings and conversations, we came upon a preschool that is run by 2 ABA therapists out of their home.  It is a class of 5 children with 2 full time teachers, both of whom are trained in working with kids with autism.  The preschool is specifically set up to teach typical children and kids with ASD together, purposefully engaging them with one another so that the ASD kids can learn from the typical children.  Really.  How perfect is that? I'd never even heard of such a thing.

It gets better.  Our insurance approved Jacob to receive all his ABA therapy from his preschool teacher!  So, 2 days a week he will be at "preschool"....learning from other children and being taught by 2 ABA certified teachers.  And 3 days a week, a friendly, familiar face will be is therapist.

All of this is taking place less than 10 minutes from our house, with hours that fit perfectly with the girls school times.  Can you tell that I am more than a little bit thankful for all of this?  

I so love this little boy and am so proud of him.  I can't believe he's old enough for preschool  And.....as I type this, I am watching my littlest boy play quietly next to me with Legos.  So, now I'm off to get some much needed one on one time with this little guy.  A morning with only one child at home?  What to do?  The possibilities are endless.  :)

Happy Birthday, Bear!

Today is my sweet Claire-bear's 6th birthday.  Is my "baby" girl already six?  Of course the time has passed by quickly, but in a way she seems so much older.  She is an old-soul, you might say.  Very wise for her young years.  She's our "little bit", our petite one, so it is always a surprise to hear such mature talk from such a small fry.  And she is cute, beautiful is more like it,  inside and out.  Always smiling and loving her pig-tails.... or "elephant ears".... she's called them that since she was two.  A happy and loving girl, sensitive and her heart always on her sleeve.  Theatrical and passionate, sometimes dramatic but surprisingly calm and level headed for one with such flair.  Quick to dance to any beat and will belt out a tune for any audience willing to look her way.  A heart that loves Jesus and cares for everything, living or not.  Especially those things that are tiny.  Defender of the cat, catcher of bugs, picker of flowers and giver of leaves to Mama.  She laughs at her own jokes and cries at movies.  A brilliant artist with talent beyond her years and an eye for detail.  In drawings and in life.  An honest heart, a friend to everyone, a giver of all that she has and my double hugger at bedtime.

You are beautifully made, Claire Rebecca, and I love seeing God use you in His very special way.  You are a gift to me, and I'm so glad I get to be your Mama.

A lesson in futility...

Christmas was wonderful and we are home now, after a long visit in Alabama made even longer by the snow.  

Now it is Sunday morning and I am already home from church.  Ken and the girls are still there, but the boys had reached their limit, so home we came.  Today, since it is raining, we got smart and took both cars to church.  That way, when the boys could no longer be still and outside wasn't an option, I could just quietly (at least, at quietly as is possible with 2 wiggly little boys) excuse myself from the service and escape to the tranquility of our house.

Today we made it through nearly 20 minutes of the service.  That may be a record.

We are at a place right now where Nathan refuses to go to the nursery (read: screams like he is on fire) and if I attempt to leave him there, I am paged within 5 minutes.  Jacob has alot of anxiety about church and the crowds of people he doesn't know, so Children's Church isn't an option for him.  Though he will sit quietly in church if I am with him, once I have to leave to take Nate out, that's over.  On nice weather days, we play outside until the service is finished. 

Every Sunday morning, we do this.  After the hours that is takes to dress all seven of us and tromp to the car and parade into the church, leaving after 20 minutes (or less) seems like a lesson in futility.  I feel like Paul, "beating the air."  

I keep reminding myself that this is just a season.  Granted, a season that we've been in for 9 1/2 years now, but a season none the less.  Lord willing, we will one day get to listen to a sermon and enjoy a worship service.  But that time is not now.

So why do we continue to do this?  Because.  Because God is faithful and has asked us to be.  Because we are teaching our children what our family is all about, the importance of corporate worship, the need to be apart of the body.  Because one day we will be able to sit through more than 20 minutes.  Because one day they will listen and learn and understand and be sustained.  Because 20 minutes of nourishment from the word is better that none..... because one day in His courts is better than 1000 elsewhere.

Today, in one of the hymns we got to sing while before we left, we sang Isaiah 66:12, the words of the Lord to Jerusalem, "For this is what the LORD says: "I will extend peace to her like a river..."

In His words to His people, He is speaking to me.  Extending to me peace, nourishing even when I don't expect it.  He has been faithful to me, even in this season.  What else could I expect but that He will continue to be?  He has promised this to me and to my children.  At a time in my life when teaching and worship with the body seems rare, He still knows what I need. And what a joy to see Him provide.

  "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."  Isaiah 40:11