resting

This week we've been resting. It's been a good week. Ken has been home and has been wonderful, as usual. He had orginally planned a house hunting trip for this week, but decided to stay home. I think we all needed a week of recovery. On top of everything else over the past week, we've had 1 child get 2 teeth knocked out with a snow shovel, 1 child get 1 tooth almost knocked out and a fat lip, 1 night of a child with fever, 1 episode of puke in the car, 1 baby teething with a suspected ear infection and lots and lots of rain.

So, after all of that, this week... we rest.



I've napped more than I have in ages and slept in more that I probably ever will again. I'm so thankful to have such a loving and giving husband who is more than willing to take on the hard stuff at home and give me some much needed rest. I even just found out that he's lined up a sitter for tonight so we can go out and have some time alone. To say he is a gift to me is such an understatement.

I also so appreciate all of your kind words and prayers. God is answering those and allowing us to rest in Him in every way right now.

So that's what we're doing this week. Resting. Snuggling and playing and not much else. And I think it's exactly what we needed.

open to life

Where do I begin?

Normally I have an idea of what I'm going to write before I even begin typing.  Not so tonight.  I have so much to process and think through still, so rather than waiting for that to be done, I think I'll just write.

Last week we found out that we were expecting again. We had suspected as much for a few days, and soon there were 2 pink lines to confirm what we already knew.  We told our family and a few close friends, but mostly kept the news to ourselves for a little while.  I would have loved to have been able to announce the happy news here with an ultrasound picture or news of a strong heartbeat, but that wasn't to be.  Monday night we realized that we wouldn't be holding this baby this side of Heaven.

Somehow, I think I expected another miscarriage, so we weren't completely surprised, but still sad.  It's always too early to say goodbye to a baby and I'll never get used to that.  Things progressed on Monday and Tuesday to the point that we wound up in the ER last night.  After 3 bags of fluid and a few doses of potassium, I was feeling better and we headed home a few hours later.  We told the kids what had happened, and they took it as well as we knew they would.  They have such a better handle on eternal perspective  than I do.  They were a little bummed that we wouldn't get to hold this baby, but excited to have another brother or sister in Heaven.  

I am still feeling tired, but physically okay.  I am a peace with what God has called us to.  Although I would never choose this, I know that His ways are higher than mine.  He has called us to be the parents of 5 beautiful children here.  And He has also called us to give 2 back to him before we would have chosen.  

Early in our marriage, we felt convicted to be open to life in our family.  If God wants to be so gracious to us as to entrust us with another child, then we will joyfully and willing accept that gift.  What I have come to realize over time is that that choice is a willful act of submission on our parts.  It means that we will be open not only to the healthy, happy children that God blesses us with, but we must also trust Him when the way is hard.  

 This pregnancy ending when it did is as much a part of God's plan in our lives as the children who are sleeping upstairs are.  And we can rejoice in that.  God is faithful and He can be trusted.  Would I choose this?  No.  But my Father loves me and my children.  And He can be trusted. 

The verse on my daily calendar for Sunday, that is still on Sunday, reads:

"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple.  For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion: in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me; He shall set me up upon a rock."    Psalm 27:4-5

I know this is true, and there is a comfort in that that is beyond understanding.

with a spoon

Introducing my newly mobile little man...

On your mark....

Get set....

Go!

We walks with such determination.  

As a matter of fact, he does everything with determination.

But still, I could eat him with a spoon.

Yep. Absolutely eat him.

Couldn't you?

*And to all my dear non-southern friends who think "eating him with a spoon" is just plain weird....trust me, in Alabama, it's the highest compliment.  :)

the thrill of victory

In honor of the Olympics...

And accomplishing great things....

Here's little taste of the thrill of victory.

The agony of defeat came 5 minutes later, when her brother knocked it down.

But it was nice while it lasted.  

snowflakes

It's been snowing this week.  Again.  I've decided that, although we don't get nearly as much snow as some of our fellow northerners, we get plenty up here.  We've enjoyed a winter so far with enough snowfall for playing and not enough to make you crazy.  There is a fine line there.

But no  matter how many times it snows, it never, ever gets old to the kids.  They run out into is as fast as they can get their little boots on.  Every time, you would think it was the first time they'd ever seen snow.

And every time, they immediately stick out their tongues and try to catch a snowflake or two.   And they usually do.

There's just something about the feeling of a fresh, crisp snowflake on your tongue, I guess.

But, try as you may, if you still can't catch one....


You can always just lick one off the door.

Really.  I'm sure it's clean.

brotherly love

one small step...

It's official, the little man is on the move. He's taken quite a few steps this week. Totally melts my heart. I can't believe that my baby is starting to walk. On the other hand, it totally makes me laugh. The kid has no sense off caution. If he's anywhere even close to upright, he plows ahead with reckless abandon. No time for nonsense such as getting his balance. He's up and he's off, with all the grace of a drunken sailor.

Besides the walking, he's taken quite a liking to getting into everything. And I do mean everything. He' dumped countless bowls of cereal left too close to the edge of the table; emptied every cabinet, drawer and basket he can reach; completely unloaded the bookshelf more times than I can remember and has develped a new facination with playing in the tiolet. Yes, I did say playing in the tiolet. And yes, it is beyond disgusting. We have since installed a bathroom door baby gate that must be hurdled in order to get in the bathroom. Woe to the child who waits until the "last minute" to go potty. I digress. 

Despite all of this, I still think he is about the cutest little almost-1-year-old person in the world. He's using a few words now and I'm loving his sweet little voice. He's getting quite a mullet, but I haven't yet been able to bring myself to cut off the sweet blonde curls.  No matter how much he gets into in a day, I really do wish I could keep him this size forever.

fear

Early last year, as I was about to give birth for the 5th time, I was gripped with a feeling that I hadn't really experienced with my other babies. I chalked it up to butterflies, perhaps a little anxiety over what I knew was coming.  Of course I knew it would be overwhelming, adding a new baby to our already busy household.  It would be normal to feel a bit of trepidation.  But what I realized was that I was dealing with a very real sense of fear.

I don't really care for that word.  It seems stronger than necessary.  After all, I wasn't paralyzed by it.  It was only a feeling, a bit like a knot in my stomach.  But fear it was.  

The reality was, as I was preparing for the days ahead, that I knew what was coming.  I knew what to expect.  I'd done this several times before, and unlike before, this time I had not forgotten.  Having a baby hurts.  Alot.  I knew, by this point, that I was carrying a 8 or 9 lb little guy and that no matter what happened, getting him out of there was going to hurt.

Beyond that, I knew that I was about the enter the stage of sleepless nights and mind numbing tiredness coupled with round the clock feedings and, of course, the pain of recovery.  I had done all of this before, but oftentimes ignorance is bliss.  I had done this enough to know that, blessing though it was, I was going to have to walk through the hard part as I experienced the joy.

Obviously, I survived.  God carried me through the fear and I did, and still do, get to experience the joy that a baby brings.   I'm sure if we are ever blessed with another little one, I will fight the same battle.  But God has proven himself faithful.  Over and over again.  I know that I know that He can be trusted.

Over the past few weeks, we have begun to prepare for our next move.  Ken will finish classes in about 4 months and we're off to our next duty station.  We're looking at houses, checking out churches and schools, making a plan.

And, somewhat unexpectedly, I find myself again wrestling with a feeling of fear.   I know, it doesn't sound rational.  I am married to a military man and moving is what we do.  We've done this lots and lots of times.  And therein lies the problem.  

As we prepare for yet another move, I know what to expect.  I've been through the pack out and the drive, the house hunting and the finding my way around.  The meeting new friends, answering the same questions, again finding a place to fit in.  Some parts of it are very exciting and some parts, not so much.

Granted, I am beyond blessed that we are not looking down the barrel of a deployment right now.  I know how good we have it.  But still.  I don't want to move again.  Start over again.  Pull the kids away from friends and step out of our comfort zones.  I don't want to try to find a new place to call home that isn't really home, find a new church, build trust with people I have yet to even meet.  Deal with the anxieties that my children feel, get everyone used to a new bedroom, find a new dentist and hair salon and dry cleaner and the list goes on.  I don't want my husband to go on trips while I'm left in what feels like the middle of nowhere to hold down the proverbial fort.

Fear, I tell you.  That's exactly what it is.

However, just as with having our sweet little boy, this, too, is inevitable.  As long as God wills it, this is what we will do.  I can choose to kick and scream and dig my heels in, giving into the pity party that I sometimes choose to throw for myself.  Or I can look to the God who has called us to this and trust that He has gone before us.

He has blessed us.  I know I say it so much, but I will never be able to adequately express the truth of that fact.  He has only called us to where He has provided, and every time, He has proven Himself so much bigger than any fear.  What He is calling us to right now isn't really even hard, much less suffering.  It is only uncomfortable and it goes very much against my selfish nature and desire for ease.  

So, I will not choose to give into fear.  I will choose to believe that we are only going where we have been sent by our Father.  He has already gone before us and His love casts out all fear.  I will try to choose joy and trust in His provision.  I will lean not on my own understanding and trust Him to direct my path. He has called me by name, I am His and I have nothing to fear.

I know by the very fact that I am human that fear will be an ever present battle in my life.  Sometimes in big ways and other times in small.  But for today, I will claim truth.  And rest in the knowledge of Him.  

Speaking of resting, it is now after 3am and tomorrow promises to be another long day.   I have written and processed and been reminded of truth.  And now I shall go to bed.

Good night.

we call this school

When we first started homeschooling this year, I wasn't really sure what to expect.  I had a curriculum to work through, lessons to teach and books to read.  While we still do all of those things, I have also come to appreciate having the flexibility of being at home.  After all, if I'm only going to teach exactly like a school would teach them, then why not just send them to school, right?  Since we're not limited to a classroom setting and we have to be flexible anyway, why not just make it fun?

Fortunately, the little people at my house are very creative and are always coming up with fun things to entertain themselves.  I just try to add a little educational value and bam!  School!

After I came home from the grocery store last week, the kiddos quickly unloaded the groceries onto the floor.  They were at first hunting for the good stuff, but then decided to use the groceries as towers and such.

So, since we had food all the over the floor anyway, I gave them a box of play money and some coins and we made a "store".  They took turns buying groceries and being the cashier.  Good math practice and more fun than worksheets.


After the "store" closed, they used the groceries to make a train for their stuffed animals.  To a passerby, it may look like chaos.  And they would be right!  But don't worry, we cleaned it up later.

The next morning, we got to watch a squirrel right outside our back door.  A certain mommy (who will remain nameless) had set the garbage outside the door rather than braving the cold to walk it 10 feet to the garbage can.  So this little guy was living large out there.  It was fun to watch him up close.

And, so as not to let my laziness be wasted, we made this into an educational event, too!  The kids all piled around and drew the squirrel and wrote all their observations about him.    Science.  Handwriting. Critical thinking.  Bam!  Bam!  Bam!  Isn't school great?

Lest you be worried, we do real school as well.  And although I do have occasional moments of panic, overall I think they are doing okay.  

But the best days are the ones when we can just learn from what's around us.  And we are both learning tons this year.

Because it's the middle of winter...

...and I thought you could use a little color in your day.     :)

simple

This Sunday I got to sit through a whole church service.  Unfortunately, this doesn't happen nearly as much as I would like.  Most weeks I am in the cry room or the nursery or in and out and back and forth.  But this week I got to sit and listen and worship, and it was wonderful.  

Our church is of a more contemporary style that I am accustomed to, and sometimes I really miss the hymns that so speak to my heart.  But this Sunday, as we sang the praise songs, God was gracious to show me Himself in the simplicity.  Some of the songs are the same simple words over and over.  But what I saw, maybe for the first time, was that though these words may have lacked in depth, they were profound truths about who God is.

Sometime I need to go back to the basics.  To tell myself and have told to me the simple truth about my Father.  The simple truth about a God who loves me, who gave Himself for me and will be forever faithful.  As I have been contemplating this simple truth, I have been hearing this song on the radio and God is using it to daily speak to me and remind me of Him.  I hope it speaks to your heart as well.  It is so simple.  And true.

(Turn off the music at the bottom of the blog first, of course.)

super mom

This morning I got 5 children dressed and fed. I laid out clothes last night, so I was able to find clean undies and clean clothes and I even found 12 clean socks.  I got shoes on everyone and hair brushed and teeth brushed and jackets on.  I packed the diaper bag, found toys for entertainment, books for reading, snacks for eating and water cups for the masses.  I rallied the troops, led them to the car and buckled all the carseats.

And we went to the dentist.

The 4 oldest children got their teeth cleaned and the littlest guy watched.  Nobody cried, everyone used very nice manners and no one had cavities.  They all picked prizes out of the treasure chest and we went happily on our way.  We again filed outside, loaded the up the van and headed home.  Lunch time went well, the food was healthy and everyone was happy. 

And I felt like super mom.

I don't always feel like super mom.  When the laundry is overflowing or the dishes or piling up or the baby is playing in the toilet, I don't feel like supermom.  When the kids are fighting or are walking around in PJs at noon or I haven't showered in 3 days.  Or when I'm feeding the kids cereal for dinner or losing my temper or cleaning up poop.  Then, I don't feel like supermom. 

But today I did.  

In a season in life where the littlest things can feel monumental, such a small accomplishment feels like a victory.   God carried me through the day and gave me that little bit of encouragement I needed. And now, I think I can make it through another week... 

as just plain, ol' mom.