words to remember

My favorite quote today came from Jacob as we were driving to get the girls from school.

After sitting quietly, looking out the window, he pipes up.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, Jake?"

"Girls don't like garbage."

True.

And how I would just love to know what goes on in that little mind of his.

pray

My heart is heavy right now, after hearing news yesterday that some friends of ours lost their baby girl.  Full term and stillborn, she was born into Heaven.  The story isn't mine to tell, but will you pray for them?  They are a godly couple who would covet your prayers.

Since yesterday these lyrics from Lincoln Brewster have been in my head:  "Surely this isn't how it should be, Let Your Kingdom come."  Over and over, my heart is repeating this.  This isn't how it should be.  Loss and hurt and pain.  We know that His ways are higher than ours.  We know that our God can be trusted.  We trust Lord, but still we hurt.

Thanks for praying, friends.  I know these prayers are heard.

And while you're praying, my dearest friend Maria, who is expecting in November, is now on strict bedrest due to preterm labor.  Thankfully, her baby boy appears to be healthy and strong.  He has 3 brothers here waiting for him and 3 in Heaven and a Mommy and Daddy anxious to meet him.... just not too soon.  Will you pray for her and their baby, for God's protection and timing?  God holds each of these little ones in His hands.  I know He does.

Until His Kingdom comes,

Jen

things I want to remember....

Nathan will eat pretty much anything.  I love that I can catch him sneaking veggies off the table before dinnertime.

All kids sneak snacks, but peas?  Awesome.

Sleep-overs that the girls have.  Hannah has her own room now, but nightly they beg to sleep together.  It's fun to be big and have your own space, but nothing's better than sisters.

And, of course, bathtime with all these tiny hineys. It's a party in the tub.  Every. Night.

My amazing husband who painted our front room for me.  It's the school room and we spend alot of time in there.  It's also the first room you see when you walk in the house.  It was this marvelous 1987 rose/mauve color.  And even though this house is just a rental, Ken painted it a great landlord approved neutral color.  I could have painted it, but I'm usually preggers so he's somehow become the painter de facto in our family.  Anyway, it looks soooo much better and it makes me smile. He makes me smile.

Another Gracie creation #793.  This time from a tortilla.  Great goalie mask. 

Playing in the sprinklers in the backyard.  This summer, in order to be outside, you pretty much had to be wet.  Or else you would melt.  We had fun putting pool at the bottom of the slide and splashing in like gangbusters. 

I can't believe that I have another Kindergartner this year.  It made me happy to write Claire's name on her school books this year.  She's loving school and having lots of fun.  Every Friday the parents come to school for lunch and prayer and their closing hymn.  This week was pizza Friday.  So fun to eat with the girls and then watch them sing Amazing Grace with their classmates.  

This is Kitty.  Claire's best friend for the last 4+ years.  Now kitty rides to school with us in the mornings and "naps" in the car until I pick the girls up at noon.  It's sweet and strange to see Kitty laying in the back of the van all alone.  I realize that C is growing up.... but she's still not too big for Kitty.

Claire lost her first tooth last week. G had to have one pulled today because her permanent teeth were crowding it out.  Han just got braces.  Nate is getting his "eye" teeth.  Jake just has a great smile.... one that shows all his teeth. Teeth are taking up alot of mental energy in our house right now.  5 kids equals about 100 little teeth.  The tooth fairy is one busy individual around here.

The weather is finally getting cool enough to actually enjoy the outside world here!  We have a hoop in our driveway and family basketball is becoming a nightly routine.  Han is really good and can beat me in Horse.... not that that's saying that much.  But she is good.  Nate loves being in on the action too.

He's only about 2 feet tall.

But the kid's got game.

These little ones really make our life so very full.  Full of all these little moments that I don't want to forget.  Nathan is picking up a few more words now.  My favorite is "okay".  Anything you ask him now....the answer?  "Okay."  So simple, But I love, love that sweet little voice.

As a reminder to myself, in these sticky, messy, exhausting days.... these are the things that make it all worthwhile.

The awesomeness that is Grace

Creativity is her thing. Quietly, she creates. Every single day, there is a creation of some type. A new invention. A new way to view the ordinary. We honestly put Scotch tape in her Christmas stocking. Her mind amazes me.



Sometimes I remember to take pictures. Not usually. But I don't ever want to forget these days The hours and hours spent creating. The costumes, the gadgets. Hundreds of them.



And all of them make her smile. And make us smile. And make up the awesomeness that is Grace.

Where were you?

Nine years ago today, I was standing in Baptist hospital, picking up a breast pump from the lactation consultant. I was holding my tiny 3 week old baby with all the confidence of any first time mama. As I was waiting there, a nurse asked me if I had heard that the Pentagon had been attacked.

I was stunned. I really and truly believed that it couldn't be possible. I loaded my new baby girl back into my car and drove home, scanning the radio stations for details of the horrible news I had just heard. I heard more. The twin towers. Both had been hit. Collapsed. Thousands feared dead.

I got home and immediately turned on the news. Matt Lauer and Katie Couric were describing the tragedy as it unfolded. I sat in disbelief, holding my new baby, wondering what was happening to the world into which she had just been born.

Ken walked in the door, sent home from work and still wearing his flight suit. The FAA had grounded all flights that day. We sat together and watched, wondering and fearful and saddened by all that was happening.

There were so much lost in those few hours. The lives that were taken, the innocence of an entire generation. My children will never walk someone to the gate at an airport, go to a stadium without metal detectors, enter a federal building without barricades. I will never again go to an airport without remembering or see a Special Report on TV without wondering if the next "big one" will be now.

For my parents generation, it was the assassination of JFK and man on the moon. They can tell who exactly where they were and what they were doing when those events changed the face of our country. For us, it will always be 9/11. No matter what other events color the landscape of our nation in the future, where we were on that day will always be burned in our mind.

I will not forget the lives of those lost on that day or the lives lost since for those fighting to protect our nation. I will not forget the terror of that day or the sense of patriotism in the days following. I will not forget that even in the midst of evil, our God is still in control. And still good. And I will not forget where I was or what I was doing when the innocence of a country was lost.

Where were you?

school days

Fall is finally almost here and the school days are beginning.  Only this year, our 3 oldest are going to school-school, not homeschool.  Although they are technically still homeschoolers.  Let me explain.

I'll start with this.  I love homeschooling.  I have a heart for it.  I think it is a wonderful thing, and I have met so many beautiful homeschooling families.  In my perfect world, I would homeschool a house full of little ones. (I would also live on a farm in the midwest, knit sweaters,  and grind my own flaxseed.... but that's a conversation for another day.)

I can honestly say that I enjoyed our time homeschooling last year.  I could go into a litany of reasons why, but I'll just suffice it to say it was just what our family needed.

This year, our plan was to homeschool again.  However, I was staring down the barrel of teaching a 3rd grader, a 2nd grader, a Kindergartner, a preschooler and chasing one amazingly active toddler.  It would be fair to say that I've been more than a little overwhelmed at that thought. On top of that, a couple of our children have a few special needs that require some extra time and attention in teaching and in life in general.

With a heart as open as possible, we have prayed for God's leading in this trepidatious area of how to best educate our kids.  I do very much believe that their education is ultimately our responsibility.  Education is far more, I think, than academics but is discipleship.

Once we got here in June, we had a friend recommend to us a great church here that her family attended. (Again... thanks, Jen!) She mentioned that the church was affiliated with a school that was a homeschool/private school hybrid type thing.  We decided to visit the church and check out the school.  And both were just what we were hoping for.

The jest of it is that the kids are still technically homeschoolers.  However, they attend "school" everyday, but only until 12:30.  It is a very, very small school and classical in it's approach.  I've never really studied the classical method of education, but from what I'm learning about it, it seems excellent. The children are taught a very rigorous classical curriculum which is entirely Bible based.  The teachers are mostly teachers who have also been homeschoolers and are very passionate about their faith and the importance of discipleship in education.

It is a fun, very close-knit school that really teaches the whole child.  Not only are they taught reading, math and history, but they are also taught respect and discipline.  They are taught the importance of properly greeting adults and looking them in the eye.  Yes ma'am  and yes sir are a must.  Boys are taught to always hold doors open and the idea of (gasp) "ladies first".  These things would seems terribly out of place in many traditional schools these days, but honestly it makes the school such a wonderful, peaceful place to be.  And the kids LOVE that. They are treated with respect and learn to treat others with respect.

What I love is that while I know they are getting an excellent education of the mind, I know the teachers care about their heart as well. I also love that I have them home and homework completed by around 1:00 everyday.  That pleases my homeschooling heart.... knowing that I still have so much of the day with my kids to just be with them, as they walk by the way.  And not being responsible for 100% of the teaching? I feel like I can breathe again.  And the boys are loving this arrangement, too.  They get prime mommy time every morning to just play and be boys! I love that I'm finally getting extra time with my littlest ones.  

This school has been such a blessing to us in so many ways.  Private school times 5 children really wasn't an option.  But because this school is "part time", we're able to send 3 kids for the price of one at a typical private school. And as far as class size and individual attention?Wonderful.  Claire has 4 kids total in her Kindergarten class.  I have more kids than that in my house!

Obviously, no situation is perfect.  We're still working out the kinks of our daily schedule...primarily Nathan's nap schedule.   And the intensity of the studies is going to take a little getting used to (Hannah and I are already learning Latin!).  And I know I'm going to sorely miss keeping my kiddos at home come cold and flu season. But all in all, a blessing it has been.  We had no idea when we moved here that God would meet our needs like this... a loving Christian school that provides such a great ministry to homeschoolers, less than 10 minutes from our house.

We're excited for the school year.  Hopeful and thankful and loving seeing the kids so enjoying where they are.  Oh, and one more perk.... uniforms? Not picking out clothes everyday for 3 girls?  Priceless.

And this little girl.... 5 years old.  Off to school for the first time.  She was nervous at first, but kept a kiss in her hand and did just fine.  Now, social butterfly that she is, can't wait to go to school everyday.  

And on her second day of school? Lost her first tooth.  Where does the time go?

Have a happy and blessed school year!

meeting me here

"Life is hard. God is good. Don't confuse the two."

That is a quote I'm borrowing directly from my friend Jen, who I think got it from her pastor. (Thanks, Jen.)

This week I'm finding these words profound in their simplicity. I'm seeing myself for who I am and realizing how very much my heart desires to confuse to two. It is my nature to desire life to be easy. Regardless of spiritual discipline, I am finding in myself that I really do want, with all my heart no less, for my life to be easy.

And when it's not? (Though compared to most of history, it pretty much always is.) So rather, in my mind, when it's not? What do I do?

I confuse the two.

Though I may not say it, I assume somewhere in my soul that God is hard. Why? Because life is supposed to be good. It must be true. I read it on a t-shirt.

But the fact is that life is hard. And even though my life is historically wonderful, I am a sinful person in an imperfect world. This side of Heaven, life will be hard. Be it actual or perceived, I will have trials.

Sometimes my children will hurt. Sometimes I will be sad. Sometimes my husband will be in bed with the flu, as he is right now. I will have questions and I will answer them wrongly and I will dig myself into holes and I will stumble. I will be as Paul and do the very things I wish I did not do. I will fail to enjoy these days with my children and wish fervently for the day when everyone is potty trained. And quiet. I will covet quietness in my home to the point of sinfulness. I will fail to see God's favor upon me, and I will revel in my repulsive pride. I will curse and swear and cry, then pray and ask for forgiveness I don't derserve. I will be fearful and lonely and hopeless because my blind eyes refuse to see the hope that is before me. I will judge wrongly, then become the very same as those I have accused. I will miss the moments of joy that I should have recognized, and I will never get those moments back. And these things, I will do every day. I will pray and plead and hopefully grow, but still I will fail. Why? Because life is hard.

But.

God is good. He is so good. And He looks upon me with favor that I could never deserve and He gives. He gives me good things. He carries me through the hard things He has allowed, and He comforts me. He is my Shepherd and I shall not want. He knows and He understands and He loves me too much to leave me here. So He is patient with me. He disciplines me, and He gives me gladness. Even in pain, He brings me joy. In uncertainty, He is my Rock. He delivers me in the big things and in the small. In my world that seems so small right now, He shows me what matters. He gives me moments to savor. Flashes of joy. Why? Because He is good. Life is not good. I am not good. He is good.

In a flash of joy this week, I realized that 3, nearly 4, of my children are too old now for sweet times in the bath tub. One, almost 2, of them showers now with little to no assistance from me. And the next one certainly no longer wishes to be photographed in the bathtub.

But this little guy.....he still thinks bathtime is the greatest thing ever.



And I can still take pictures of him in bubbles. Sweet little butt cheeks and all (though I'll keep those off the internet). He needs me to give him a bath and he soaks up the attention and he thinks nothing in the world is better than bubbles.

So as I bathe my sweet little ones, instead of grumbling about the number of baths that have to be given or how wet the floor is becoming, I enjoy the time. This time that is quickly passing and will soon be gone. I know this joy doesn't come from me because I am tired. And much of me longs for the days things will be easier.... whatever that means.

But God is good. He is meeting me in my weariness. Reminding me of His love and giving me notice of the little things. Slowing me down. Giving me joy.



Because He is good. So very good.

my big girl

Before......

After....