Christmas time

Off to enjoy Christmas with my family....

May God bless you all richly this Christmas as you come to know Him more.

Merry Christmas, y'all. 

fall is for football

It's been a heavy week. Besides all that's going on with Jake, we've had sick kids for 8 straight days now. The bad kind of sick kids. And I'm really ready for it to end. So I won't post pictures of this week, because trust me, you really don't want to see all that. However, the last few weeks have been fun. The fall here is amazingly beautiful and we've enjoyed it to the fullest, as it only just turned cold here this past week or so.

We've been loving a little front yard football.

Not so much traditional football with rules.  More the get-the-ball-any-way-you-can-and-run version.

Claire, who is normally  more princess-like, surprised us with her football skills.  She may be little, but she's not afraid to take you out.

Daddy led the charge and was wonderful at letting the kids tackle him, over and over and over.  I've mentioned that he is awesome, right?

Of course, the girls were sporting our team colors.  We're Colts fans (we especially like Peyton), even if they have no running game this year.  We still represent.

One of the many pile-ups.... the littlest guy was sleeping during this particular game, but he holds his own on the field.  

Fall is definitely for football.

a bump in the road

Where to begin?  As is usually the case, when I am absent from blogging for a time it is usually because things are going on in our house.  This week there was the usual busyness.... and then there was the exceptionally hard.

I've struggled with how much to share here with issues concerning my children.  I want to respect them and their privacy and I hope I always do that.  But this is also the place where I process and share with a few close friends the daily ins and outs of what is our life.  I find encouragement here and hopefully can at times be the encourager as we see together that none of us are alone in our struggles.

As I've alluded to before, we have had concerns for a while that Jacob was dealing with some developmental delays.  First with speech, then over time we've noticed other things that have caused us to be concerned.  Initially, my pediatrician dismissed our concerns, but over time and different paths (and a different doctor) we were finally able to see a neuro-developmental pediatrician and address some of the issues.

This Tuesday we went in for his official evaluation with a multidisciplinary team of doctors.  The appointment took all of 5 hours, full of questions and observation and them trying to engage Jacob.  After the evaluation, the doctors met and came back to us an hour later with a diagnosis and a plan.

The diagnosis they gave him is Autism Spectrum Disorder, specifically PDD-NOS.  He was clearly on the autism spectrum in several areas they evaluated.  During the evaluation it was obvious and painful to watch him struggle with what they were asking of him.  We left with a plan for years of language therapy, occupational therapy, ABA (behavioral) therapy, a ton of reading material and even more questions.

First, I will say that I am thankful many things in this situation.  God has provided for us in so many ways.  We've already connected with resources here and with people who have children with ASD.  We see that God is already meeting our every need.  Through Ken's job, most of Jacob's therapy will be covered by insurance which is an enormous blessing because that isn't usually the case.  God has gone before us and provided for us, as He always has.

That being said, the whole thing just pretty much stinks.  As much as we knew that something was wrong, we really just wanted to believe that this was just a bump in the road, that he was just a little behind and he would catch up.  The older he gets, the more obvious it gets that that is not the case.  As I watch him now, now that we know, I can see it all so clearly.  Alot of his symptoms have gotten worse rather than better, and I really can't even describe what it feels like to see that.

As we are reading and learning, I am fighting discouragement.  We are dealing with, as the doctor put it, a "lifelong diagnosis."  There is treatment, but no cure.  I am afraid of what the future holds for him.  I am also afraid for Nathan because, due to the genetic factor, his odds of having a similar diagnosis are now 10 times higher.  I really want to pound my fists and scream that this is NOT what I want for my children.  

But.  This is where we are.  I am holding on to the fact that God created Jacob.  He made him exactly the way he is for His purpose.  He intends this for good in Jacob's life and He will never leave him for forsake Him.  He will also walk with us through this... as we pray and decide and seek and ask... He is with us.

I have so, so many questions but am resting in the knowledge that I don't have to have all the answers, because I am trusting in the One who does.  As I have watched Jacob the past couple of days, it has been harder than ever because I "see" the disorder.  Everything he does, I see as an autistic behavior.  It is and it was before, but I didn't realize it before and now I do.  I'm really praying right now for God to just allow me to see Jacob again as He sees him... not for what he can or can't do, but for the beautiful creation that he is.

He is so much for than any one phrase can describe.  He is fun and loving and affectionate.  He makes us laugh, tells jokes and loves to read.  He is gentle and kind, a wonderful son and a great brother.  I am so thankful for this little guy.  Exactly the way he is.  As hard as this is, I wouldn't change him for the world.  I love his heart.  What I would change is the struggle that he is facing.  No mother wants to see their child hurt.  I don't want him to be sad or discouraged or scared.  The thought of someone making fun of him makes me furious.

But.  I know that God is with him through this.  He is his protector and provider and He will make a way for him.  We are praying for healing for Jacob.  As we are doing this and pursuing treatment for him, it will effect our whole family.  So, we are praying for our other kids as well, who need us just as much as Jake does.  

I am overwhelmed.  The time and resources this journey will take.... spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially... only God can provide these things.  But He is God and I am not, so we trust.  He is the same God as He was last week.  And He will be the same next week.  We are trusting Him to carry us all and we are giving thanks for all the good things He has given us, even in the midst of this.  It sounds trite to say that it could be so much worse, but really it could.  He has given us so much... and in the big picture, this really is just a bump in the road.

Today on my friend Jen's blog, I read this timely excerpt from "Streams in the Desert".  Just one more way that we are being encouraged:

"Perfect through suffering." (Hebrews 2:10)

Steel is iron plus fire. Soil is rock, plus heat, or glacier crushing. Linen is flax plus the bath that cleans, the comb that separates, and the flail that pounds, and the shuttle that weaves. Human character must have a plus attached to it. The world does not forget great characters. But great characters are not made of luxuries, they are made by suffering. 

I heard a mother who brought into her home as a companion to her own son, a crippled boy who was also a hunchback. She had warned her boy to be very careful in his relations to him, and not to touch the sensitive part of his life but go right on playing with him as if he were an ordinary boy. She listened to her son as they were playing; and after a few minutes he said to his companion: "Do you know what you have got on your back?" The little hunchback was embarrassed , and he hesitated a moment. The boy said: "It is the box in which your wings are; and some day God is going to cut it open, and then you will fly away and be an angel." 

Some day, God is going to reveal the fact to every Christian, that the very principles they now rebel against, have been the instruments which He used in perfecting their characters and moulding them into perfection, polished stones for His great building yonder.- Cortland Myers. 

O Christmas Tree

The Decorating Edition

why I love library day

I love library day because this picture wasn't the least bit posed. Because they really do just come home and sit and read for a really long time... and it is quiet. And lovely.

And because I just found a handy-dandy new children's library! No big people books, just stuff for kids. Meaning, this place is filled with color and games and puzzles and coloring and kids books galore. And the most important thing? Nobody thinks twice about and busy toddler who is not yet so good at sitting still or being quiet.... and very unhappy to be contained. But yet, ironically, he does actually sit for a little longer and play a little more quietly here when there are so many fun things to do that are his size... and he doesn't have to be contained. So we spend lots of time there and have fun. And mommy's not stressed, therefore children aren't stressed, therefore a good time is had by all.

And, as if all that isn't enough, there is a great playground just outside across the parking lot. So we read and meander and browse and color, then we run and play and laugh and be loud.

Long live the Children's Library! It was fun.

giving thanks

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, here with just our little family. Usually living far from home, we've spent quite a few holidays without extended family. We always miss them and always talk about and tell the kids about the traditions we grew up with. But still, we always enjoy it. It's a time that is relaxed and fun and sweet. And a time to make our own traditions that hopefully our children will talk about one day to their children.









We always start our day with a yummy breakfast casserole reserved especially for holidays. We spend the morning cooking with oh so many hands to help. In the background, we watch the Macy's parade and in the kitchen the radio plays Christmas music. We set the table with the finer things that we only see a few times a year. One of the children reads the 100th Psalm. We pray and offer thanks for bountiful blessings, more than we can count, before enjoying a meal that could feed an army. The little ones nap, the big ones play. We play football in the yard then come in and watch some football on TV. Pie and leftovers flow freely all afternoon. We pull out Christmas decorations and already the excitement begins to build.













Thanksgiving day in and of itself is reason enough to be thankful. We have been given so much. As our pastor reminded us last Sunday, we live in a world that has Christ! No longer, as in the days before Christ, is the world shrouded in darkness! Our God really does reign and salvation has come to us. What a perfect way to start the Advent season.... with a feast of Thanksgiving.

flyboys

this face

This face.  How I love this face.

This is Nathan's newest expression for anything and everything exciting.  Usually trucks.  When I took this picture, we were standing outside and he heard a fire truck (also called "pire-truck").  He makes this face and does a high pitched, inhaled gasp (you know, the sound you make when you see your child about to hurt themselves).  I think he must have learned this sound from me.  Anyway, whenever he sees a truck on the road, in a book, on TV... he looks at me and makes this face and that noise.  It totally cracks me up every time.  

staycation

Ever just need to get away?  Well, we did.  Actually it was more of  a staycation than a vacation, but still.  A few weeks ago, we spent the weekend at a cabin down on the beach here in town.  The military has cabins down there that are very affordable and great option for a little family getaway.  We had a beautiful view of the water, and even though the weather was beginning to cool a bit, it was perfect for playing on the beach.

One of my favorite parts was the (very) few minutes of quiet in the morning, watching the sunrise over the water while sipping a hot cup of coffee.  That would be my happy place.

The time spent on the beach was perfect.  A beautiful way to wrap up the summer.

Surf's up, dude.

The kids all had a blast running around, digging holes and riding the waves with Daddy.

Finding treasures in the water's edge. 

And, of course, none of this fun would be possible without the Daddy.  The best Daddy ever who hauls all of the beach gear to-and-fro, with a smile no less.

And this little guy had so much fun.  This is pure mischief in the form of a boy.

One night we went down to to the boardwalk, heard a bit of jazz band, had ice cream.  And this is what your hands look like if you play in the sand right after you eat ice cream.

And I was there, too.  Ken took this picture from our balcony.

This is my other happy place.  :)

photo shoot

Although I am a far cry from what anyone could call a "photographer"... I do like to play one on TV.  I love taking pictures, especially of families.  And as much as I like snapping my own kids, it's nice to get some practice with other families as well.

Last week, my neighbor asked me to snap some pictures of their family for their Christmas card.  I took some more "formal" family photos that they used for their cards, but here are a few of the snapshots I got while the kids were running around in the yard.  They are a beautiful family and easy to photograph... and my first (non-related) "photo shoot".

I so enjoy doing it and appreciate them letting me practice on them.  :)

why

Going.....

Going....

Gone.

And this, my friends, is why I have so few pictures of all of my children together.

vaccines

This week, I took Nathan to get his MMR shot.  If you're shot savvy, then you know that this is usually one that is given around 12 months.  If you know that Nathan is now 20 months old, then you also realize that we are behind schedule.  We have chosen to spread out some of Nate's vaccine's to avoid getting multiple live virus vaccines at once.  This choice has made things much trickier than I had expected.  I really didn't realize that making such choices was so unusual or would be met with such resistance.

The reason behind delaying some of Nathan's vaccines is due to the possible correlation of vaccines to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).  Please note that I said possible.  I know that this has not been proven (and have been reminded of this fact by more than one health care professional as of late). However, I think there are enough studies out there to indicate that there is at least the possibility that these two are related.  

I have read about all this in depth, I have friends who have dealt with these issues personally, and unfortunately we are dealing with some of these issues ourselves.  I won't go into what all factors would/could line up to make multiple vaccines dangerous for some children, but I really do believe that it's not the best thing for our kids. 

We haven't always felt this way, but over the past 2 years we have come to realize that one of our children does have some developmental delays that are symptomatic of an ASD.   Without going into all that, I will just say that we have what I believe to be justifiable concerns.

Anyway, when I broached this subject with our healthcare facility, we were told that all vaccines were mandatory and have to be given on schedule.  Not alternate schedule.  No flexibility.  If I wanted to do something different, I would have to go through the Public Health Dept.  If I brought him into our normal facility, he would be given ALL of the shots he needed, no matter how many that may be. 

 (By the way, the typical 12 month old is given around 9 vaccinations at once.  Nine.  In the form of 3-4 shots.  And here's a fun fact: 3 of these are live viruses... if you get a live virus vaccine alone, you have to wait 4 weeks before you can get another one.  Unless you get them all at once.... then I suppose you can get as many as you want??  Does that make sense?)

Anyway, we have jumped through the hoops.  I have waited for 2 1/2 hours in the waiting room of a local health department, just so I could be treated like nothing short of a child abuser by the nurse who accused me of neglect for not "fully" vaccinating my child.  I didn't even bother explaining again that I will be vaccinating my child, only not all at once.  Besides, she was so busy judging me, I don't think she would have heard me anyway.

Well, by hook or by crook, Nathan is vaccinated now, and we did it in the way we thought was best for him.  But I had to jump through flaming hoops to get there.  Did it make a difference?  No idea.  Will this prevent some type of damage to his brain or his immune system?  Maybe, maybe not.  The point is that I don't know.  And as long as I don't know (and no one else does either), we're going to do what we think is the safest for our children.

What has bothered me most about the whole situation is being treated like a criminal because *obviously* the government knows what's best for my children.  And *obviously* I don't.  I haven't enjoyed this small peek into "the good of the masses" superseding the rights of the individuals.  I am a parent who is trying to do what is best for my child, and I would like to be free to do that.  

Socialized medicine, anyone?  No thank you.

Things I like about fall...

The falling of leaves....

and the raking of leaves.

The crisp air....

and sweaters....

and the crunch of every step.

And the giggling children in leaf piles?

Yes, the giggling children.

That's my favorite part.