He knows

Right now, we are very much in the thick of raising five young children.  There are some weeks where everything goes smoothly.  Smiles come easily and laughter abounds.  These are the weeks in which it is so easy to be grateful for all we have been given, for the blessings that have been heaped upon us.

And then there are those other weeks.  Those weeks, much like this one has been, when everything seems to be a battle.  When joy is something to be fought for and is seldom won.  The weeks when it is a little easier to have a pity party than to be thankful.  And that grateful attitude seems far out of reach.

Sometimes in the midst of those harder weeks, I sometimes question God's plan for me.  I know I shouldn't.  I know He is all wise, and I am not.  But sometimes I wonder if I am up to the task to which He has called me.  Five, Lord?  Really?  How is there possibly enough of me for all of them?  

I love my children oh so much.  But sometimes I question if I am able.  Can I really provide for these children?  All the love and hugs and attention?  All the discipline and teaching and correction?  And lets not forget all the nose blowing, bottom wiping and shoe tying.  Am I able Lord to provide this and so much more to all of these children?  And what about other children you choose to give us in the future?  Am I really able?

And then I realize.  The answer is a resounding "no".  I am not able.  I will never be.  And if I was, I would never be forced to rely of the strength of my Father to do all that I cannot.  

It is through each of these children that God has forced me into a more humble reliance on Him.  He is building my character at every turn and teaching me to follow Him.  What He has asked of me is obedience to Him.  To give my family to Him.  To acknowledge Him and His Lordship, and He will make my path straight.  

I know that He has a plan, not only for my good, but for the good of my children, that is far beyond anything I could ask or imagine for them.  He will be glorified.  He just asks me to follow Him.  He will do the rest.

Every one of my children offers something so sweet to our family.  God knew that we needed each of them to make our family exactly what is was supposed to be.   Hannah is the rule follower and responsible.  Gracie is the giver and the artsy one.  Claire is sweet and eager to please.  Jacob is a comedian and has a gentle heart.

And here is Nathan.  He's the 5th one we're raising right now.

He's standing up with no hands now.  And he can say Mommy and Daddy and uh-oh.  He loves to eat and to make a mess and to be chased by his sisters and brother.

This is what God gave me, at a time I thought my plate was full.  During a time I wanted to be able to rely on what the world said was doable, God was gracious and gave me more than I could have even asked for and a child I didn't know I needed.  One look at this sweet dimpled face and I am reminded of God's goodness.  He knows what I need before I even ask.

So, I am thankful even in the hard fought weeks.  For a Father who loves me, who loves my children and is more committed to His children and His glory than I will ever understand.