my addiction

The fact that the full effect of caffeine isn't felt until 4 hours later would have been a helpful piece of information to have remembered about 4 hours ago. That is when I drank a cup of coffee to keep me going a bit longer so I could stay up and get a few more things done. However, it is now well after midnight and my mind is racing and sleep is no where to be found.

I will probably regret this tomorrow, but right now, in my jittery, caffeine induced haze, I am deciding to give it up. To give up the wonder drug that keeps me going. The java that fuels my days when I am running on few, if any, cylinders.

There are many reasons for my newly found resolve. First of all, I am still nursing and I know that pumping little man full of caffeine is not a good thing. Yes, I should be ashamed of myself. However, I have justified my addiction up to now by reasoning that a little caffeine is better than Mom being asleep at the wheel all day.

Secondly, it is just not healthy. There is no nutritional value to soda or coffee (the two main vices by which I feed my addiction).  My body would be much better served with water,  and I know I would feel better in the long run.  I want be deliberate in making healthy lifestyle choices for myself and more importantly, as an example for my children.

Another is that caffeine in just the quick fix that is used to survive when what my body really needs is rest.   I know that I do not get enough sleep, which is unhealthy in and of itself.  But with a quick shot of liquid energy in the mornings, I can easily survive without it.  I am treating the symptom and ignoring what my body really needs.... sleep!  

And most importantly, I want my body to be a slave to nothing but Christ.  There is a tremendous freedom in knowing that He alone is sufficient to meet all my needs in a day.  I want to, by freeing myself of any worldly addictions, no matter how small, trust Him to provide.  I don't want to have to have God plus coffee to survive my days.... just God is plenty.

I want to choose rightly for myself and for my family in so many areas.  So, this is an act of self-discipline and a start for me.  A very difficult start, mind you, but one that I am committing to for now.  I hope that this will be a lifestyle change that I can really adopt for the long term.  We shall see.  My kids will be awake in 2 hours and I am still up, so I'm thinking this will be a hard thing to start today.  But, start I will...so pray for me.  And for the protection of my children and my husband....they might need it.  :)