That is a quote I'm borrowing directly from my friend Jen, who I think got it from her pastor. (Thanks, Jen.)
This week I'm finding these words profound in their simplicity. I'm seeing myself for who I am and realizing how very much my heart desires to confuse to two. It is my nature to desire life to be easy. Regardless of spiritual discipline, I am finding in myself that I really do want, with all my heart no less, for my life to be easy.
And when it's not? (Though compared to most of history, it pretty much always is.) So rather, in my mind, when it's not? What do I do?
I confuse the two.
Though I may not say it, I assume somewhere in my soul that God is hard. Why? Because life is supposed to be good. It must be true. I read it on a t-shirt.
But the fact is that life is hard. And even though my life is historically wonderful, I am a sinful person in an imperfect world. This side of Heaven, life will be hard. Be it actual or perceived, I will have trials.
Sometimes my children will hurt. Sometimes I will be sad. Sometimes my husband will be in bed with the flu, as he is right now. I will have questions and I will answer them wrongly and I will dig myself into holes and I will stumble. I will be as Paul and do the very things I wish I did not do. I will fail to enjoy these days with my children and wish fervently for the day when everyone is potty trained. And quiet. I will covet quietness in my home to the point of sinfulness. I will fail to see God's favor upon me, and I will revel in my repulsive pride. I will curse and swear and cry, then pray and ask for forgiveness I don't derserve. I will be fearful and lonely and hopeless because my blind eyes refuse to see the hope that is before me. I will judge wrongly, then become the very same as those I have accused. I will miss the moments of joy that I should have recognized, and I will never get those moments back. And these things, I will do every day. I will pray and plead and hopefully grow, but still I will fail. Why? Because life is hard.
But.
God is good. He is so good. And He looks upon me with favor that I could never deserve and He gives. He gives me good things. He carries me through the hard things He has allowed, and He comforts me. He is my Shepherd and I shall not want. He knows and He understands and He loves me too much to leave me here. So He is patient with me. He disciplines me, and He gives me gladness. Even in pain, He brings me joy. In uncertainty, He is my Rock. He delivers me in the big things and in the small. In my world that seems so small right now, He shows me what matters. He gives me moments to savor. Flashes of joy. Why? Because He is good. Life is not good. I am not good. He is good.
In a flash of joy this week, I realized that 3, nearly 4, of my children are too old now for sweet times in the bath tub. One, almost 2, of them showers now with little to no assistance from me. And the next one certainly no longer wishes to be photographed in the bathtub.
But this little guy.....he still thinks bathtime is the greatest thing ever.
And I can still take pictures of him in bubbles. Sweet little butt cheeks and all (though I'll keep those off the internet). He needs me to give him a bath and he soaks up the attention and he thinks nothing in the world is better than bubbles.
So as I bathe my sweet little ones, instead of grumbling about the number of baths that have to be given or how wet the floor is becoming, I enjoy the time. This time that is quickly passing and will soon be gone. I know this joy doesn't come from me because I am tired. And much of me longs for the days things will be easier.... whatever that means.
But God is good. He is meeting me in my weariness. Reminding me of His love and giving me notice of the little things. Slowing me down. Giving me joy.
Because He is good. So very good.
4 comments:
Very well said and so encouraging, Jenny! Thanks, as always, for helping me tap into that Joy which God longs to give even when life is hard :)
The steadfast love of the lord NEVER ceases!!! His mercies NEVER come to an end; they are NEW EVERY morning!! Great is his faithfulness.
What a great and encouraging post!!!
So encouraging. Thank you for sharing.
Such a hard thing to reconcile in the christian walk. In fact, I find it to be one of the biggest hindrances to the gospel in the lives of non-believers. How can the two be true. And maybe not so much the hardness of life, but the sadness, which really is the same thing. More and more I find myself sad about the "hardness" of life. And I think that's a good place to go. A good next step - remembering that this isn't how it was supposed to be. All this brokenness, it wasn't meant to be here. That's where we find the hope bigger...and necessary, like you said.
Thanks for talking so honestly about something so real. You know, I'm right there with ya, girl!
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