Christmas time

Off to enjoy Christmas with my family....

May God bless you all richly this Christmas as you come to know Him more.

Merry Christmas, y'all. 

fall is for football

It's been a heavy week. Besides all that's going on with Jake, we've had sick kids for 8 straight days now. The bad kind of sick kids. And I'm really ready for it to end. So I won't post pictures of this week, because trust me, you really don't want to see all that. However, the last few weeks have been fun. The fall here is amazingly beautiful and we've enjoyed it to the fullest, as it only just turned cold here this past week or so.

We've been loving a little front yard football.

Not so much traditional football with rules.  More the get-the-ball-any-way-you-can-and-run version.

Claire, who is normally  more princess-like, surprised us with her football skills.  She may be little, but she's not afraid to take you out.

Daddy led the charge and was wonderful at letting the kids tackle him, over and over and over.  I've mentioned that he is awesome, right?

Of course, the girls were sporting our team colors.  We're Colts fans (we especially like Peyton), even if they have no running game this year.  We still represent.

One of the many pile-ups.... the littlest guy was sleeping during this particular game, but he holds his own on the field.  

Fall is definitely for football.

a bump in the road

Where to begin?  As is usually the case, when I am absent from blogging for a time it is usually because things are going on in our house.  This week there was the usual busyness.... and then there was the exceptionally hard.

I've struggled with how much to share here with issues concerning my children.  I want to respect them and their privacy and I hope I always do that.  But this is also the place where I process and share with a few close friends the daily ins and outs of what is our life.  I find encouragement here and hopefully can at times be the encourager as we see together that none of us are alone in our struggles.

As I've alluded to before, we have had concerns for a while that Jacob was dealing with some developmental delays.  First with speech, then over time we've noticed other things that have caused us to be concerned.  Initially, my pediatrician dismissed our concerns, but over time and different paths (and a different doctor) we were finally able to see a neuro-developmental pediatrician and address some of the issues.

This Tuesday we went in for his official evaluation with a multidisciplinary team of doctors.  The appointment took all of 5 hours, full of questions and observation and them trying to engage Jacob.  After the evaluation, the doctors met and came back to us an hour later with a diagnosis and a plan.

The diagnosis they gave him is Autism Spectrum Disorder, specifically PDD-NOS.  He was clearly on the autism spectrum in several areas they evaluated.  During the evaluation it was obvious and painful to watch him struggle with what they were asking of him.  We left with a plan for years of language therapy, occupational therapy, ABA (behavioral) therapy, a ton of reading material and even more questions.

First, I will say that I am thankful many things in this situation.  God has provided for us in so many ways.  We've already connected with resources here and with people who have children with ASD.  We see that God is already meeting our every need.  Through Ken's job, most of Jacob's therapy will be covered by insurance which is an enormous blessing because that isn't usually the case.  God has gone before us and provided for us, as He always has.

That being said, the whole thing just pretty much stinks.  As much as we knew that something was wrong, we really just wanted to believe that this was just a bump in the road, that he was just a little behind and he would catch up.  The older he gets, the more obvious it gets that that is not the case.  As I watch him now, now that we know, I can see it all so clearly.  Alot of his symptoms have gotten worse rather than better, and I really can't even describe what it feels like to see that.

As we are reading and learning, I am fighting discouragement.  We are dealing with, as the doctor put it, a "lifelong diagnosis."  There is treatment, but no cure.  I am afraid of what the future holds for him.  I am also afraid for Nathan because, due to the genetic factor, his odds of having a similar diagnosis are now 10 times higher.  I really want to pound my fists and scream that this is NOT what I want for my children.  

But.  This is where we are.  I am holding on to the fact that God created Jacob.  He made him exactly the way he is for His purpose.  He intends this for good in Jacob's life and He will never leave him for forsake Him.  He will also walk with us through this... as we pray and decide and seek and ask... He is with us.

I have so, so many questions but am resting in the knowledge that I don't have to have all the answers, because I am trusting in the One who does.  As I have watched Jacob the past couple of days, it has been harder than ever because I "see" the disorder.  Everything he does, I see as an autistic behavior.  It is and it was before, but I didn't realize it before and now I do.  I'm really praying right now for God to just allow me to see Jacob again as He sees him... not for what he can or can't do, but for the beautiful creation that he is.

He is so much for than any one phrase can describe.  He is fun and loving and affectionate.  He makes us laugh, tells jokes and loves to read.  He is gentle and kind, a wonderful son and a great brother.  I am so thankful for this little guy.  Exactly the way he is.  As hard as this is, I wouldn't change him for the world.  I love his heart.  What I would change is the struggle that he is facing.  No mother wants to see their child hurt.  I don't want him to be sad or discouraged or scared.  The thought of someone making fun of him makes me furious.

But.  I know that God is with him through this.  He is his protector and provider and He will make a way for him.  We are praying for healing for Jacob.  As we are doing this and pursuing treatment for him, it will effect our whole family.  So, we are praying for our other kids as well, who need us just as much as Jake does.  

I am overwhelmed.  The time and resources this journey will take.... spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially... only God can provide these things.  But He is God and I am not, so we trust.  He is the same God as He was last week.  And He will be the same next week.  We are trusting Him to carry us all and we are giving thanks for all the good things He has given us, even in the midst of this.  It sounds trite to say that it could be so much worse, but really it could.  He has given us so much... and in the big picture, this really is just a bump in the road.

Today on my friend Jen's blog, I read this timely excerpt from "Streams in the Desert".  Just one more way that we are being encouraged:

"Perfect through suffering." (Hebrews 2:10)

Steel is iron plus fire. Soil is rock, plus heat, or glacier crushing. Linen is flax plus the bath that cleans, the comb that separates, and the flail that pounds, and the shuttle that weaves. Human character must have a plus attached to it. The world does not forget great characters. But great characters are not made of luxuries, they are made by suffering. 

I heard a mother who brought into her home as a companion to her own son, a crippled boy who was also a hunchback. She had warned her boy to be very careful in his relations to him, and not to touch the sensitive part of his life but go right on playing with him as if he were an ordinary boy. She listened to her son as they were playing; and after a few minutes he said to his companion: "Do you know what you have got on your back?" The little hunchback was embarrassed , and he hesitated a moment. The boy said: "It is the box in which your wings are; and some day God is going to cut it open, and then you will fly away and be an angel." 

Some day, God is going to reveal the fact to every Christian, that the very principles they now rebel against, have been the instruments which He used in perfecting their characters and moulding them into perfection, polished stones for His great building yonder.- Cortland Myers. 

O Christmas Tree

The Decorating Edition

why I love library day

I love library day because this picture wasn't the least bit posed. Because they really do just come home and sit and read for a really long time... and it is quiet. And lovely.

And because I just found a handy-dandy new children's library! No big people books, just stuff for kids. Meaning, this place is filled with color and games and puzzles and coloring and kids books galore. And the most important thing? Nobody thinks twice about and busy toddler who is not yet so good at sitting still or being quiet.... and very unhappy to be contained. But yet, ironically, he does actually sit for a little longer and play a little more quietly here when there are so many fun things to do that are his size... and he doesn't have to be contained. So we spend lots of time there and have fun. And mommy's not stressed, therefore children aren't stressed, therefore a good time is had by all.

And, as if all that isn't enough, there is a great playground just outside across the parking lot. So we read and meander and browse and color, then we run and play and laugh and be loud.

Long live the Children's Library! It was fun.

giving thanks

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, here with just our little family. Usually living far from home, we've spent quite a few holidays without extended family. We always miss them and always talk about and tell the kids about the traditions we grew up with. But still, we always enjoy it. It's a time that is relaxed and fun and sweet. And a time to make our own traditions that hopefully our children will talk about one day to their children.









We always start our day with a yummy breakfast casserole reserved especially for holidays. We spend the morning cooking with oh so many hands to help. In the background, we watch the Macy's parade and in the kitchen the radio plays Christmas music. We set the table with the finer things that we only see a few times a year. One of the children reads the 100th Psalm. We pray and offer thanks for bountiful blessings, more than we can count, before enjoying a meal that could feed an army. The little ones nap, the big ones play. We play football in the yard then come in and watch some football on TV. Pie and leftovers flow freely all afternoon. We pull out Christmas decorations and already the excitement begins to build.













Thanksgiving day in and of itself is reason enough to be thankful. We have been given so much. As our pastor reminded us last Sunday, we live in a world that has Christ! No longer, as in the days before Christ, is the world shrouded in darkness! Our God really does reign and salvation has come to us. What a perfect way to start the Advent season.... with a feast of Thanksgiving.

flyboys

this face

This face.  How I love this face.

This is Nathan's newest expression for anything and everything exciting.  Usually trucks.  When I took this picture, we were standing outside and he heard a fire truck (also called "pire-truck").  He makes this face and does a high pitched, inhaled gasp (you know, the sound you make when you see your child about to hurt themselves).  I think he must have learned this sound from me.  Anyway, whenever he sees a truck on the road, in a book, on TV... he looks at me and makes this face and that noise.  It totally cracks me up every time.  

staycation

Ever just need to get away?  Well, we did.  Actually it was more of  a staycation than a vacation, but still.  A few weeks ago, we spent the weekend at a cabin down on the beach here in town.  The military has cabins down there that are very affordable and great option for a little family getaway.  We had a beautiful view of the water, and even though the weather was beginning to cool a bit, it was perfect for playing on the beach.

One of my favorite parts was the (very) few minutes of quiet in the morning, watching the sunrise over the water while sipping a hot cup of coffee.  That would be my happy place.

The time spent on the beach was perfect.  A beautiful way to wrap up the summer.

Surf's up, dude.

The kids all had a blast running around, digging holes and riding the waves with Daddy.

Finding treasures in the water's edge. 

And, of course, none of this fun would be possible without the Daddy.  The best Daddy ever who hauls all of the beach gear to-and-fro, with a smile no less.

And this little guy had so much fun.  This is pure mischief in the form of a boy.

One night we went down to to the boardwalk, heard a bit of jazz band, had ice cream.  And this is what your hands look like if you play in the sand right after you eat ice cream.

And I was there, too.  Ken took this picture from our balcony.

This is my other happy place.  :)

photo shoot

Although I am a far cry from what anyone could call a "photographer"... I do like to play one on TV.  I love taking pictures, especially of families.  And as much as I like snapping my own kids, it's nice to get some practice with other families as well.

Last week, my neighbor asked me to snap some pictures of their family for their Christmas card.  I took some more "formal" family photos that they used for their cards, but here are a few of the snapshots I got while the kids were running around in the yard.  They are a beautiful family and easy to photograph... and my first (non-related) "photo shoot".

I so enjoy doing it and appreciate them letting me practice on them.  :)