the view from here

What it's all about

2011-09-01T23:13:00.003-04:00

These are my people. My favorite people in the whole wide world. Really. The whole world.

This picture is several months old. But then again, that's fitting because it's been several months since I posted much of anything on here. As much as I loved blogging before, I'm just not there right now.

These are my people. And they're what it's all about right now.

Some people are super organized and together and can do it all and blog about it.

That's not me.

I love taking pictures and sharing and writing. And I really could spend hours doing that right now. But those hours, for me, have to come from somewhere. And I'm just not willing to take them from these people right now.

Maybe when I'm more organized and settled and life is less busy (which I don't think will ever happen). Maybe then I'll blog again.

But maybe not.

Either way. I'm still here. And we're doing okay. And I'm loving that I get to be a wife and mommy. I love my husband that is my teammate through doing all of the exciting and the mundane things that make our life what it is.

I'll hopefully be spending this Fall taking care of the most important things first. Choosing more wisely than I have before. Or maybe not. But I'll try.

For everything there is a season. And this is my season to be all here. All the time. Making our house a home. Serving my family. Not giving my energies to something else. Because there is nothing more worthy than the calling to which He has called me. And because I'm sinful and am so easily lured away by bright and shiny objects... sometimes I just have to step away. And remember my calling. And the One who has called me.

These are my people.

And what an amazing gift that is.

Yeah... about the dog....

2011-07-16T21:59:00.003-04:00

Well, it saddens me to say that Max really wasn't meant to be a McNeill after all. I can't tell you how bummed we were. How mean is that to give a kids and puppy, then take it away??

He was the sweetest little guy. Until he wasn't.

We noticed on his second day here that he began growling at the kids when they would try to take his ball from him. I chalked it up to "being a puppy". Surely, he was just playing, right?

So Ken and I sat down with him that night after the kids were in bed. We were playing with him and I wanted to test him a little and see if it really was a growl. Well, I tried to take his bone and he tried to take my hand. It wasn't pretty.

He didn't hurt me because he's such a little guy, but he made it very clear that we would very easily bite if provoked. Then Ken tried to pick him up when he wasn't even holding the bone, and he tried to bite him, too.

We lost alot of sleep trying to figure out the best thing to do. How do you tell kids that the puppy can't stay? But Max will be a very big dog, very soon and we just can't take the chance that he will bite someone.

We called the breeder we got him from the next morning and discussed it with her. She said that it is possible that we just happened to get a particularly aggressive dog. She told us to bring him back and she would work with him some more. Though it was a tough call, we returned Max to the place from whence he came.

It made the kids feel much better that he was going back to be with his mother and brothers again. And surprisingly, they weren't as sad as I thought they would be.

It seems that 2 days was enough time for them to get a good taste of how much work a puppy really is. Although they were disappointed, I was glad that they could see that this was the best thing for our family... and for Max.

So the dog hunt is back on. Hopefully, this time we can choose a little more wisely. We're hoping to adopt from the local shelter when the time is right. But, after a few days with Max, I for one don't mind waiting a little while.

the newest McNeill

2011-07-11T22:38:00.006-04:00

The McNeill family has a new member.

This is Max.

It's not a real baby... but close. Max is a Golden Retriever puppy that joined our clan yesterday. He is a 10 week old bundle of cuteness, fur and love. And trouble. But aren't all puppies?

We just thought that we weren't really busy enough right now, so perhaps we could train a puppy in all our free time.

The kids adore him.

Except when they don't.

(Those pictures totally crack me up because 1) they were taken literally 2 seconds apart and 2) because of the mismatched camo paired with one pink shoe?)

We had been telling the kids that once we moved and got settled in that we could get the puppy that they have been so desperately pleading for. Well, we're not settled in, but we have moved. And I think Max is going to make a great addition to our family.

Yes, he's going to be a whole lot of work. But as my sweet friend reminded me today, aren't all good things a whole lot of work?

Welcome to the family, Max.

happy day

2011-07-08T22:24:00.003-04:00

So happy to report that I just got a camera in the mail!

Thanks to our wonderful homeowner's insurance that covered most of what was stolen, I was able to purchase another camera. Apparently, they no longer make the camera I had before... so I had to upgrade. I was a little bummed because I loved my camera. But now that I have my hands on the new one, all black and shiny, I'm kinda over it.

I'm still charging batteries and working on getting the right memory stick, so no pictures just yet... but I'm closer than I was. Happy day.

Speaking of cameras, I had the take my oldest 2 girls to the dentist this week. (Sorry, but a smooth transition there just wasn't possible).

Anyway, Grace had to get 2 baby teeth pulled to make room for the big ones. They were starting to come in high in her gums and it wasn't going to be pleasant. Hannah also had to go in for a filling.... bad mommy, I know. Anyway, as is our usual MO, I had all 5 little ones in tow. After waiting in the waiting room with children 3 thru 5 for over an hour, Grace comes out... all stuffed full of gauze and feeling a little woozy. I immediately recognized the look on her face and we headed for the bathroom where she threw up everything, gauze and all. Apparently this "happens sometimes?" I did not know this. Now I do. Anyway, I take children 2 thru 5 to the car while we wait on Hannah and just told them to come get me when they were done. They did, but the whole process for Han took nearly 2 hours. For one tiny filling. Really?

Needless to say, we were so done with the dentist by the time we left. Obviously, I felt bad for G and all that she had been through. And I could help but think of how hard it must be for Hannah to sit there and be worked on for that long. Sitting still isn't her forte under the best of circumstances. Doing it under threat of drill and needle is, I'm sure, much worse.

As we were driving home, Hannah tells me that she just kept repeating 2 verses in her head. One about suffering being temporary (I can't remember now which one she quoted) and the other being Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Those words, brought to her by the Holy Spirit, to comfort her in her time of need. What a blessing as a parent to see, so tangibly, God working in the life of your child. I couldn't be back there in that chair with her. But God was there. His Holy Spirit was there to comfort her, to bring those words to her mind, the words that He had sealed into her heart. God's Word truly is living and active. Wow.

my tween

2011-07-01T21:51:00.002-04:00

It seems that somehow, overnight, my oldest has gone from being a little girl to a tween. I don't really like that word because of all it's negative connotations, but what else can you call it? She not really a little girl and thankfully not yet a teenager.... she's in between. And what a beautiful place that is turning out to be.

Not the eye rolling, foot stomping, too-big-for my britches attitude that you usually think of when you hear her age. But the older, wiser, "can I help you Mom?" kind of attitude that assures my heart.

Today, she slept in until nearly 10am. My girl, who has been up with the chickens since birth, suddenly delights in sleeping. And she got her braces off yesterday. What a beautiful smile she has. And today, when we rolled out the summer right of passage, the slip-n-slide.... I walked outside to find her siblings splashing tirelessly. She was laying on her towel on the deck. How does she even know about sunbathing?

Of course, a few minutes later she was splashing with the best of them. But just for a moment... she was a little bit beyond that sort of fun. I see it happening slowing and quickly altogether. She is growing up.

I know that soon hormones will rage and eyes will roll and feet will occasionally stomp. But then she will laugh or help her brother or cook dinner and I will smile. I will still hear her pray and know her heart and lift her up, knowing her Father will sustain her the same at 16 as He did at six. I pray that the temptations will not be too much and that her heart will always be at Home.

She's always been the one to sharpen me, as iron sharpens iron. I have no doubt the coming years will be no different. But I will hold each day as a treasure. Whether she be big or little... or somewhere in between.

a brief rundown

2011-06-29T04:26:00.004-04:00

Do you ever have so much to do that you just don't do anything? Well, that's where I am in my house right now. And apparently on my blog as well. So much has happened, is happening here right now. Not sure really where to start.

We moved. This weekend. Our 10th address in 11 years. We're in our new house, praise God. We love it. However, we have boxes ceiling high and we still don't have a refrigerator. Feeding a family of 7 our of an ice chest for 4 days has been challenging. But the fridge is being delivered today.

I love our house. We have the nicest neighbors ever. And a lovely yard....complete with a garden in which I will try with all my might to grow fresh veggies. And flowers. There are already pretty flowers there. And there are lots of lightening bugs and alot fewer mosquitos.

Before we moved, however, our house (our old rental where we were living before) got robbed. Like really robbed. We were upstairs sleeping and apparently 3 guys came in the backdoor and took most everything valuable downstairs. Thankfully, the 7 things that are really valuable were upstairs sleeping, blissfully unaware. God protected us. Without a doubt. And I am thankful.

But that's why there are no pictures here now. We no longer have a camera. Or a TV. Or anything else electronic... except the computer. Obviously. The only thing that made me sad was that they took a video camera and the tape inside, which was of Jake's birth and first week of his sweet little life. That kinda makes me want to hunt them down.

However, the police caught one of them. Turns out it was a gang thing. And we really don't live in the ghetto. However, we are alot more careful about checking the deadbolt now. Sad that you have to worry about that, no?

The girls finished school. They had a great year and learned so much. I can't believe how fast they're growing. Grace just turned 8. Can't believe that my chubbiest little baby is such a beautiful young lady now, reading books for hours on end, creating beautiful works of art and developing her own sense of style. Although my little carefree spirit did wear 2 left shoes to school a few weeks ago. Really. I think it's because she was born in California.

Jacob also turned 5 in May. He is doing well. Always up for a game of hide-and-seek or Candyland. His favorite books are still the dictionary and "the USA book" (a textbook on American history). His talents and interests will probably always be a bit off the beaten path. I don't ever watch him and totally forget that he's autistic. But I'm learning to be okay with that. Not that I have a choice. He is a beautiful gift to us. Created exactly as the Father intended... without mistake.

Ken and I also had birthdays. He's now approaching the mid 40s and I'm officially old enough to be "advanced maternal age". And that's all we really need to say about that.

2 weeks ago, as we were gearing up to move, I found out that my Mema back home was terminally ill. She's had Alzheimers for a while, but due to a new condition, she wasn't expected to live much longer. I grew up in the house with my Mema and Papa. My family lived with them from the time I was 5 and still live there now. I flew home to say goodbye.

I spent time alone with her in the hospital. I got to care for her the way she has always cared for me. I got to be with her and love on her as best I could. I got to say goodbye. At least for now. I know I will see her again. What a glorious day that will be.

I came home, then flew back the next week for the funeral. I could say so many amazing things about her life. But to do so on a blog seems trite. So I won't. But she was amazing. As is my mom, who has spent tireless hours and days and months caring for her. I come from a long line of pretty amazing women. There's hope for me yet.

It's 5am now and I'm heading into another day of unpacking. And Hannah gets her braces off today. Sitting and writing and praying and so thankful for my family. For Claire's sweetness and Gracie's sense of humor. For Hannah's sense of responsibility and Jacob's love. And Nathan's cuteness that I could just eat with a spoon. And for a loving husband to share all this with. And for another day to try to recognize the grace that is so freely given. And to choose joy.

alot

2011-04-05T23:39:00.006-04:00

Really? It's been this long since I've posted? And now that it's midnight and I have to be up in about 5 hours, I think this is the best time to catch up? There's just so much. Please excuse the random stream of thoughts here, but putting all my thoughts into flowing verse escapes me at this hour.

Nathan turned two. I have lovely pictures of his birthday, but my computer is not allowing me to download them just now, so I'll have to post those later. We had the traditional birthday breakfast complete with presents and Spiderman plates. He is so much fun these days. So incredibly much work... but so much fun. He has an awesome, vibrant personality and a million dollar smile. He attacks life head-on, full force and with no inhibitions whatsoever. He is talking like crazy and will jump off of anything. Anything. His favorite toys are Ken's wallet and his toy trucks. He loves basketball and most any other kind of ball. And hats, he loves hats. He likes to use the potty but just for fun, not really in a potty-trained kind of way. He does however like to take off full diapers and play with the contents. You're welcome. Other than that, he's adorable most of the time. Except when he's screaming. But even then, one has to admire his passion for life and for whatever else it is he wants at the moment. Passionate. That's a good word for it.

We bought a house. Or, are buying a house, I should say. We are supposed to close in May. After a year of renting, we decided to jump into the market again. With Jake's diagnosis with are an "Exceptional Military Family", therefore will likely be homesteaded here for the duration of Ken's career. We like it here, the kids like it here and I could see it as a place we could grow roots. So, rather than renting for another year, we are buying. We'll be moving in June. Only about 2 miles down the street. The house has plenty of room for us, a yard that invites kids to play and is in a good location. Those were important features to us.

We lost a baby. It sounds unimportant throwing that statement in mid-blog. But it's not. It is and was very important. And hard. He was a baby that was here and loved and named. I found out while Ken was in Germany last month that we were pregnant again. We were surprised but, of course, very happy. Around 6 weeks, I could tell things weren't going well and I miscarried shortly thereafter. We had told the kids about the baby. When we told them of the miscarriage they were disappointed, but handled it with great eternal perspective. Gracie just pointed out that our family in Heaven is growing. She's right. That makes 3 babies that we've ushered into heaven in the last few years. I don't understand it, but I guess I don't have to. I have lots of other thoughts on all these things, but I haven't fully processed them into words yet. In the mean time, I'm just trusting Jesus.

Jake's therapy is going well. We are seeing progress with him and hoping it will continue. I'm learning alot about advocating for him and about the need for more awareness about Autism. I could do a whole post on that. I guess that's the social worker in me coming out. It's also the mom in me. I want what's best for him and I want him to have opportunities and I want him to be understood. With or without AS, he is a joy to me. I just love that guy.

The girls are doing well. Although I don't want to lump them all together as "the girls" because

they couldn't possibly be more different from one another. They are all strong and beautiful and funny and sweet... but all in amazingly unique ways. They're loving school and really settling into life here.

We have major things on the horizon. Stuff that is still in the planning and processing and praying stage. Stuff that will be hard and trying and testing. Stuff that I will need my God to get through. But, as mama always said, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I'm realizing that most of the spiritual growth in my life hasn't come by way of the easy things. So if it's the hard things that will bring me to know Him more, then I pray that I will have the grace to embrace that.

In the mean time, we are enjoying the fruits of all that God has blessed us with. Warm weather, exciting days, beautiful children, fellowship, best friends, each other.

Life is hard. God is good. Don't confuse the two. :)

One thousand gifts...

2011-02-20T20:16:00.005-05:00

I recently joined a cross-country book club with some bloggy friends (thanks, Amy!) in reading a book by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts. It is a book about living a full and joyfully contented life right where you are, wherever God has you. I was hesitant to read this book at first. I have read her blog for quiet a while and though I love her writing, her style is such that it has to be read slowly and deliberately. Almost like a novel? However, I have been pleasantly surprised in reading this book. It is really an enjoyable read, and it is also encouraging me to look at the little things in my life and truly be thankful. It is amazing the joy and contentment that comes from thankfulness....from "being thankful in everything."

As I'm putting these principles into practice in my own life, here are a few things I've been thankful for lately.

The mess that is my kitchen. The signs of life. That they are here and they play. The wagon, the blocks, the smiles they bring.

A work in progress. The things still to be done. The music that such labor will bring.

His patient hands. All that he does for us.

The mess that is this boy. Chocolate from head to toe. His energy and his mischief.

Slurping spaghetti. Meals that make them happy. Sloppy faces and smiles.

Gifts made by a heart friend. Reminders to pray. Beauty in the cross.

Homemade ice-cream, shaken by little hands. Trying new things. Sweetness.

Her love for poetry. Writing in the quiet time of the morning. Seeing her love for the written word and catching a glimpse of her heart through it.

Birthday parties. Pinatas. Friends and growing older. Her pigtails and love for everything pink. Candy that spills out. Excited squeals. 6 years worth of blessings and then some.

Bright colors that fill our house and lives right now. Crayon on everything and beautiful works of art. Things that are in row and neatly sharpened.

Birthday breakfasts. Our family traditions. Breakfast served with candles. Sticky smiles.

Sneaky boys. His love for all things green. Little fingers, reaching hands.

Brothers. Garbage trucks. Playtime in PJs. Sunny mornings. Working together. A rare moment of sharing. Knowing they love each other. Seeing them learn from one another. Marveling at the gift that they are to each other.

Raisins. Snowsuits. Cozy hats. A break from the cold. A peak outside on a snowy day.

Peacefulness. Quietness. Solitude. A soft place to fall.

Crocheted hats. Pink flowers. Colorful braces. Wrinkled noses.

Icicles. The wonder of nature. How everything seems new with every snowfall.

Snow angels. My angels in the snow.

Flying through the air. Landing on our feet. The freedom of childhood. Swingsets and snowboots.

Hearts, interwoven. Valentines Day. Thoughtful gifts and friends with which to share them.

Care in each letter. Sounding out words. Spelling from the heart.

Rosy cheeks. Red noses. Eating snow. Numb fingers. Diving right in.

Paw prints outside the window. Anticipation. Waking to see the snow as the sun comes up.

Helpers in the kitchen. Mommies in training. Pretty girls in pretty aprons.

Tip-toes beside me. Straining to be grown. Knowing they will be soon.

Silly faces. Homework. Being able to take the time to laugh.

Sun-filled faces. Newness of life. Joyful expectation.

These are a few of the things I'm thankful for today. I think I'm going to enjoy the journey of writing a few of them down. Bringing them to the front of my mind. Learning to enjoy the little things.

a little something pink for Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T21:36:00.005-05:00

I got something little and pink for Valentine's Day.

If you're thinking something sexy...or a baby....or both.... you'd be wrong.

This is the little pinkness in our house right now....

4 of the seven of us got Strep throat for Valentine's Day! Lovely, no?

And now we have a house full of little pink bottles of meds to hopefully make us all better. And for that I am thankful.

Grace, Claire, Jake and myself are the ones who are down so far. And it is no fun.

Thankfully, Ken had taken the day off already so that we could spend a romantic day together. Instead, he took care of us in every way. He served all of us and showed us unconditional love.

And I guess that's what Valentine's Day is all about, right?

Thanks for being my hero, honey.... this Valentine's Day and everyday. I love you.

light reading

2011-02-09T01:42:00.003-05:00

Jake finished his first full week of ABA therapy last week. It went fantastic, and I am so thankful that we have been blessed with this resource for him. Recently it has been shown to be the most effective form of therapy for kids with ASD, and I can totally see why. It is behavior training at it's finest. He's going to "preschool" three mornings a week, but while he is there he is being worked with one-on-one the entire time with an ABA therapist. She walks him through the whole day. Every interaction, every playtime and every school time. She is teaching him the skills that he needs to navigate the day. He is taught appropriate behaviors and rewarded generously with praise and tickles. (She told me that those seems to be his favorite reward... she knows my boy well.)

I'm seeing progress already, albeit in baby steps. As he progresses in this environment, his therapist will begin coming to our house, teaching him appropriate behaviors and the mastery of skills at home. She will go with us to the park or the library, wherever he goes. Helping the world be a friendlier place for him, until he is ready to tackle it on his own. I think it would be nice if we all had a therapist to walk us through life, no?

As we focus on all the areas to work on with him and set goals for him, I am reminded constantly of all that he can do rather than what he can't do. He is a brilliant, funny little boy... his mind just works differently than some. I recently heard ASD referred to as "neuro-diversity". That made me laugh. I think we could all fit into that category.

For Christmas, we bought George W. Bush's new book Decision Points for my father-in-law. Jake came across it and it quickly became his favorite book. He read it every day. We wrapped it, and he unwrapped it. We hid it for fear of it becoming overly-worn before it was gifted... but he found it. He loved this book.

Obviously he didn't understand every word, and I doubt that he comprehended much of what he was reading, but the fact that he spent so much time reading this book was so funny. He's four... and I'm pretty sure he's a Republican.

Whatever the reason this book struck his fancy, it was a good reminder of all of the gifts that are inside our little neuro-diverse boy. He is a treasure to us, as are all of our children. And he adds so much to our family, as do they. What a blessing.

catching up

2011-02-04T10:03:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I've had the time to blog about day to day things. It's just that there are so many little things.... and so little time. Anyway, a few weeks back we had Ken's parents in town for a visit. The kids enjoyed some grandparent attention and got to a couple of fun outings. One was a tour of one of the carriers, the USS Bush, that is in port. We live so close to all this, but rarely do you take the time to visit and see these things up close.

This one, the USS Enterprise, is now deployed and carrying with it our prayers for the sailors and a friend of ours. We're praying with you, J!

The older kids (the top 4, as we like to call them) got to go on the tour, while I stayed home with the little guy. He would have loved it too, but carriers aren't the safest place for busy toddlers.

Dancing on the flight deck. That may be a first.

Jake really enjoyed the whole thing... boats and planes. Every boy's dream. His Bumpa enjoyed it too... for the same reasons.

This weekend, we're having a few special outings with the kids as well. Ken is taking the boys to see "Thomas Live". I wish I could see their faces. They soooo love Thomas. While they have guy time, the girls and I are going to a paint-your-own pottery shop. Right up the alley of my creative girls. Hope your weekend is fun, too.

why I love this guy...

2011-01-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

packin heat

2011-01-21T06:06:00.007-05:00

Over the holidays, we went to Alabama to spend a week with my family. Christmas was great, of course. We hadn't been home as a family in nearly 2 years so it was a treat for all of us. The kids just love spending time with my parents and all of the extended family. Their favorite part, I think, is getting to experience living in "the country". Right now, unfortunately, we live in the middle of suburbia. There are alot of fun and valuable things about rural life that the kids miss. But for a week over Christmas, they got to experience country living, the way I grew up... and they loved it. They played outside almost non-stop (because in AL you can play outside in December..... July, not so much). They put pennies on the railroad tracks, they checked out cotton and cows and tractors. They got to feed chickens and pet a donkey and see sheep. They drove a golf cart all over the fields (Hannah even learned to drive) and even ended a few of the evenings by a bonfire. However, one of their favorite new experiences was shooting their first rifle.

On Christmas Eve, we took the kids our in the back yard and the older girls got to shoot for the first time.

Because really, nothing says "Christmas" like shooting something.

It was a family affair. Four generations, gathered on this sacred day. To shoot stuff.

I was impressed with hubby's skills. I think he's a southerner at heart.

We didn't shoot anyone. Just targets. But the kids thought it was so cool.

I even got to teach the girls to shoot on the very first rifle I ever shot. I was about their age and I have great memories of shooting with my dad and granddad.

It was very special mother/daughter bonding.

But now that I knocked the rust off my skills.... don't mess with me...

...cause Mama's packin heat.

a marathon

2011-01-16T04:59:00.004-05:00

Well, our first week of Jake's new therapies went way better than I could have imagined. He loves his new preschool. When I picked him up, both days he met me with a smile. He isn't able to really tell me exactly what he did there, but I could tell by his face that he had fun. He did tell me that he "loves" preschool and thanked me several times for taking him there.

His new speech/language therapy went just as well. He really enjoys his teacher and is in a therapy group with only one other little boy. All of his teachers (speech and preschool) are young and fun and so eager to work with him. I can't say enough what a blessing all of this is.

Next week (hopefully) all of the paperwork will be to place so he can start his ABA therapy. Thankfully, as I mentioned earlier, his therapist is also his preschool teacher, so I'm hopeful that the transition will be easier for him.

After such a banner week with Jake, sometimes I can forget just how far we have to go with him. At home or in an environment (like this preschool) that is catering to his needs, he can really seem like such a typical child. (I'm learning that "typical" is the PC way to say "normal" in the ASD community....it does sound better, doesn't it?)

Anyway, as was the case this week, I can tend for forget(?) or just be lulled into thinking that things are better than they are, maybe? Then, we go on an outing.... to get a haircut or take a sibling to the doctor or to the grocery store. Wham. It's like a punch to the stomach, as I realize we have much further to go in this journey than I wanted to believe.

I'm learning how to deal with his behaviors in public. Honestly, I have no idea how to do that. And what's more, is I'm trying to figure out how to deal with my other kids who are (justifiably) embarrassed by how their brother is behaving. I would love to tell them not to be embarrassed or tell them not to worry about what others think. But, quite frankly, I'm having trouble telling myself that sometimes. How bad is that?

In the day to day right now, we're beginning a gluten-free, casein-free diet. I can't tell you how overwhelming that feels. I look at recipes and I've never even heard of half of the ingredients.... much less used them. Xanthum gum, anyone? Making all of our own bread and eliminating everything with wheat or milk ingredients: pretzels, yogurt, cheese, milk, cereal, goldfish, crackers, sandwiches, pizza, tacos.... basically everything he likes? Needless to say, it's a huge change for the whole family.

I know I can learn to cook this way, but boy, the learning curve is steeeeep. Thankfully, I have some great friends who are ahead of me on this journey... encouraging me and sending me recipes every step of the way. Even in the limiting dabbling that we've done in this diet so far, we seem to be seeing some positive changes. So, I'm in. If there is a chance that a diet change could help this little guy, we'll eat cardboard if we need to. (And from the taste of some of this stuff....that just may be one of the ingredients.)

So, it's one step forward, two steps back. But some weeks, it's two steps forward and only one back. I'm seeing that this is definitely a marathon and not a sprint. And I'm thankful for all the encouraging emails and comments from so many people that are helping us along the way....you're like the guys handing out Gatorade at the 2 mile mark. There is still a long way to go, but God is still providing and I know He always will.

provision

2011-01-11T10:03:00.006-05:00

An hour ago I left Jacob at preschool for the first time ever. He was a little hesitant, but handled it beautifully. I think I'm more upset by the whole evolution than he is. I know this is good for him, but still. He's my baby boy.... by my side every morning for the last 4 1/2 years, so this is a big change for both of us.

This preschool is just one of the many ways God has provided for us lately. After Jacob's diagnosis, it was recommend to us that he would benefit from preschool. Along with the therapies that he is/will be receiving, being around kids his age in a social environment will help him learn the social skills/behaviors that he needs. While I agree with that, actually finding a preschool presented itself as a whole different challenge.

While he needs to by around "typical" children, he is not "typical", therefore requires a bit of extra time, attention and re-directing. Understandably, this is more than the average preschool teacher is able to do, while managing an entire class of 4 years olds. We looked at a couple of different preschools but all the ones we considered were either unwilling to take on the added responsibility of an ASD kid, or willing to take him on as long as he wasn't too different.... didn't require too much time and attention.

** Let me insert here that I don't at all blame these preschools for this. They are not equipped for special needs kids and asking them to take this on would be unfair to them and to Jacob.

Well, God provided. As He always has. Through a variety of providential meetings and conversations, we came upon a preschool that is run by 2 ABA therapists out of their home. It is a class of 5 children with 2 full time teachers, both of whom are trained in working with kids with autism. The preschool is specifically set up to teach typical children and kids with ASD together, purposefully engaging them with one another so that the ASD kids can learn from the typical children. Really. How perfect is that? I'd never even heard of such a thing.

It gets better. Our insurance approved Jacob to receive all his ABA therapy from his preschool teacher! So, 2 days a week he will be at "preschool"....learning from other children and being taught by 2 ABA certified teachers. And 3 days a week, a friendly, familiar face will be is therapist.

All of this is taking place less than 10 minutes from our house, with hours that fit perfectly with the girls school times. Can you tell that I am more than a little bit thankful for all of this?

I so love this little boy and am so proud of him. I can't believe he's old enough for preschool And.....as I type this, I am watching my littlest boy play quietly next to me with Legos. So, now I'm off to get some much needed one on one time with this little guy. A morning with only one child at home? What to do? The possibilities are endless. :)

Happy Birthday, Bear!

2011-01-05T21:50:00.007-05:00

Today is my sweet Claire-bear's 6th birthday. Is my "baby" girl already six? Of course the time has passed by quickly, but in a way she seems so much older. She is an old-soul, you might say. Very wise for her young years. She's our "little bit", our petite one, so it is always a surprise to hear such mature talk from such a small fry. And she is cute, beautiful is more like it, inside and out. Always smiling and loving her pig-tails.... or "elephant ears".... she's called them that since she was two. A happy and loving girl, sensitive and her heart always on her sleeve. Theatrical and passionate, sometimes dramatic but surprisingly calm and level headed for one with such flair. Quick to dance to any beat and will belt out a tune for any audience willing to look her way. A heart that loves Jesus and cares for everything, living or not. Especially those things that are tiny. Defender of the cat, catcher of bugs, picker of flowers and giver of leaves to Mama. She laughs at her own jokes and cries at movies. A brilliant artist with talent beyond her years and an eye for detail. In drawings and in life. An honest heart, a friend to everyone, a giver of all that she has and my double hugger at bedtime.

You are beautifully made, Claire Rebecca, and I love seeing God use you in His very special way. You are a gift to me, and I'm so glad I get to be your Mama.

A lesson in futility...

2011-01-02T11:30:00.004-05:00

Christmas was wonderful and we are home now, after a long visit in Alabama made even longer by the snow.

Now it is Sunday morning and I am already home from church. Ken and the girls are still there, but the boys had reached their limit, so home we came. Today, since it is raining, we got smart and took both cars to church. That way, when the boys could no longer be still and outside wasn't an option, I could just quietly (at least, at quietly as is possible with 2 wiggly little boys) excuse myself from the service and escape to the tranquility of our house.

Today we made it through nearly 20 minutes of the service. That may be a record.

We are at a place right now where Nathan refuses to go to the nursery (read: screams like he is on fire) and if I attempt to leave him there, I am paged within 5 minutes. Jacob has alot of anxiety about church and the crowds of people he doesn't know, so Children's Church isn't an option for him. Though he will sit quietly in church if I am with him, once I have to leave to take Nate out, that's over. On nice weather days, we play outside until the service is finished.

Every Sunday morning, we do this. After the hours that is takes to dress all seven of us and tromp to the car and parade into the church, leaving after 20 minutes (or less) seems like a lesson in futility. I feel like Paul, "beating the air."

I keep reminding myself that this is just a season. Granted, a season that we've been in for 9 1/2 years now, but a season none the less. Lord willing, we will one day get to listen to a sermon and enjoy a worship service. But that time is not now.

So why do we continue to do this? Because. Because God is faithful and has asked us to be. Because we are teaching our children what our family is all about, the importance of corporate worship, the need to be apart of the body. Because one day we will be able to sit through more than 20 minutes. Because one day they will listen and learn and understand and be sustained. Because 20 minutes of nourishment from the word is better that none..... because one day in His courts is better than 1000 elsewhere.

Today, in one of the hymns we got to sing while before we left, we sang Isaiah 66:12, the words of the Lord to Jerusalem, "For this is what the LORD says: "I will extend peace to her like a river..."

In His words to His people, He is speaking to me. Extending to me peace, nourishing even when I don't expect it. He has been faithful to me, even in this season. What else could I expect but that He will continue to be? He has promised this to me and to my children. At a time in my life when teaching and worship with the body seems rare, He still knows what I need. And what a joy to see Him provide.

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

Christmas time

2010-12-17T22:31:00.002-05:00

Off to enjoy Christmas with my family....

May God bless you all richly this Christmas as you come to know Him more.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

fall is for football

2010-12-13T01:44:00.003-05:00

It's been a heavy week. Besides all that's going on with Jake, we've had sick kids for 8 straight days now. The bad kind of sick kids. And I'm really ready for it to end. So I won't post pictures of this week, because trust me, you really don't want to see all that. However, the last few weeks have been fun. The fall here is amazingly beautiful and we've enjoyed it to the fullest, as it only just turned cold here this past week or so.

We've been loving a little front yard football.

Not so much traditional football with rules. More the get-the-ball-any-way-you-can-and-run version.

Claire, who is normally more princess-like, surprised us with her football skills. She may be little, but she's not afraid to take you out.

Daddy led the charge and was wonderful at letting the kids tackle him, over and over and over. I've mentioned that he is awesome, right?

Of course, the girls were sporting our team colors. We're Colts fans (we especially like Peyton), even if they have no running game this year. We still represent.

One of the many pile-ups.... the littlest guy was sleeping during this particular game, but he holds his own on the field.

Fall is definitely for football.

a bump in the road

2010-12-10T03:04:00.004-05:00

Where to begin? As is usually the case, when I am absent from blogging for a time it is usually because things are going on in our house. This week there was the usual busyness.... and then there was the exceptionally hard.

I've struggled with how much to share here with issues concerning my children. I want to respect them and their privacy and I hope I always do that. But this is also the place where I process and share with a few close friends the daily ins and outs of what is our life. I find encouragement here and hopefully can at times be the encourager as we see together that none of us are alone in our struggles.

As I've alluded to before, we have had concerns for a while that Jacob was dealing with some developmental delays. First with speech, then over time we've noticed other things that have caused us to be concerned. Initially, my pediatrician dismissed our concerns, but over time and different paths (and a different doctor) we were finally able to see a neuro-developmental pediatrician and address some of the issues.

This Tuesday we went in for his official evaluation with a multidisciplinary team of doctors. The appointment took all of 5 hours, full of questions and observation and them trying to engage Jacob. After the evaluation, the doctors met and came back to us an hour later with a diagnosis and a plan.

The diagnosis they gave him is Autism Spectrum Disorder, specifically PDD-NOS. He was clearly on the autism spectrum in several areas they evaluated. During the evaluation it was obvious and painful to watch him struggle with what they were asking of him. We left with a plan for years of language therapy, occupational therapy, ABA (behavioral) therapy, a ton of reading material and even more questions.

First, I will say that I am thankful many things in this situation. God has provided for us in so many ways. We've already connected with resources here and with people who have children with ASD. We see that God is already meeting our every need. Through Ken's job, most of Jacob's therapy will be covered by insurance which is an enormous blessing because that isn't usually the case. God has gone before us and provided for us, as He always has.

That being said, the whole thing just pretty much stinks. As much as we knew that something was wrong, we really just wanted to believe that this was just a bump in the road, that he was just a little behind and he would catch up. The older he gets, the more obvious it gets that that is not the case. As I watch him now, now that we know, I can see it all so clearly. Alot of his symptoms have gotten worse rather than better, and I really can't even describe what it feels like to see that.

As we are reading and learning, I am fighting discouragement. We are dealing with, as the doctor put it, a "lifelong diagnosis." There is treatment, but no cure. I am afraid of what the future holds for him. I am also afraid for Nathan because, due to the genetic factor, his odds of having a similar diagnosis are now 10 times higher. I really want to pound my fists and scream that this is NOT what I want for my children.

But. This is where we are. I am holding on to the fact that God created Jacob. He made him exactly the way he is for His purpose. He intends this for good in Jacob's life and He will never leave him for forsake Him. He will also walk with us through this... as we pray and decide and seek and ask... He is with us.

I have so, so many questions but am resting in the knowledge that I don't have to have all the answers, because I am trusting in the One who does. As I have watched Jacob the past couple of days, it has been harder than ever because I "see" the disorder. Everything he does, I see as an autistic behavior. It is and it was before, but I didn't realize it before and now I do. I'm really praying right now for God to just allow me to see Jacob again as He sees him... not for what he can or can't do, but for the beautiful creation that he is.

He is so much for than any one phrase can describe. He is fun and loving and affectionate. He makes us laugh, tells jokes and loves to read. He is gentle and kind, a wonderful son and a great brother. I am so thankful for this little guy. Exactly the way he is. As hard as this is, I wouldn't change him for the world. I love his heart. What I would change is the struggle that he is facing. No mother wants to see their child hurt. I don't want him to be sad or discouraged or scared. The thought of someone making fun of him makes me furious.

But. I know that God is with him through this. He is his protector and provider and He will make a way for him. We are praying for healing for Jacob. As we are doing this and pursuing treatment for him, it will effect our whole family. So, we are praying for our other kids as well, who need us just as much as Jake does.

I am overwhelmed. The time and resources this journey will take.... spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially... only God can provide these things. But He is God and I am not, so we trust. He is the same God as He was last week. And He will be the same next week. We are trusting Him to carry us all and we are giving thanks for all the good things He has given us, even in the midst of this. It sounds trite to say that it could be so much worse, but really it could. He has given us so much... and in the big picture, this really is just a bump in the road.

Today on my friend Jen's blog, I read this timely excerpt from "Streams in the Desert". Just one more way that we are being encouraged:

"Perfect through suffering." (Hebrews 2:10)

Steel is iron plus fire. Soil is rock, plus heat, or glacier crushing. Linen is flax plus the bath that cleans, the comb that separates, and the flail that pounds, and the shuttle that weaves. Human character must have a plus attached to it. The world does not forget great characters. But great characters are not made of luxuries, they are made by suffering.

I heard a mother who brought into her home as a companion to her own son, a crippled boy who was also a hunchback. She had warned her boy to be very careful in his relations to him, and not to touch the sensitive part of his life but go right on playing with him as if he were an ordinary boy. She listened to her son as they were playing; and after a few minutes he said to his companion: "Do you know what you have got on your back?" The little hunchback was embarrassed , and he hesitated a moment. The boy said: "It is the box in which your wings are; and some day God is going to cut it open, and then you will fly away and be an angel."

Some day, God is going to reveal the fact to every Christian, that the very principles they now rebel against, have been the instruments which He used in perfecting their characters and moulding them into perfection, polished stones for His great building yonder.- Cortland Myers.

O Christmas Tree

2010-12-03T02:03:00.005-05:00

The Decorating Edition

why I love library day

2010-12-01T21:32:00.004-05:00

I love library day because this picture wasn't the least bit posed. Because they really do just come home and sit and read for a really long time... and it is quiet. And lovely.

And because I just found a handy-dandy new children's library! No big people books, just stuff for kids. Meaning, this place is filled with color and games and puzzles and coloring and kids books galore. And the most important thing? Nobody thinks twice about and busy toddler who is not yet so good at sitting still or being quiet.... and very unhappy to be contained. But yet, ironically, he does actually sit for a little longer and play a little more quietly here when there are so many fun things to do that are his size... and he doesn't have to be contained. So we spend lots of time there and have fun. And mommy's not stressed, therefore children aren't stressed, therefore a good time is had by all.

And, as if all that isn't enough, there is a great playground just outside across the parking lot. So we read and meander and browse and color, then we run and play and laugh and be loud.

Long live the Children's Library! It was fun.

giving thanks

2010-11-29T22:25:00.004-05:00

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, here with just our little family. Usually living far from home, we've spent quite a few holidays without extended family. We always miss them and always talk about and tell the kids about the traditions we grew up with. But still, we always enjoy it. It's a time that is relaxed and fun and sweet. And a time to make our own traditions that hopefully our children will talk about one day to their children.

We always start our day with a yummy breakfast casserole reserved especially for holidays. We spend the morning cooking with oh so many hands to help. In the background, we watch the Macy's parade and in the kitchen the radio plays Christmas music. We set the table with the finer things that we only see a few times a year. One of the children reads the 100th Psalm. We pray and offer thanks for bountiful blessings, more than we can count, before enjoying a meal that could feed an army. The little ones nap, the big ones play. We play football in the yard then come in and watch some football on TV. Pie and leftovers flow freely all afternoon. We pull out Christmas decorations and already the excitement begins to build.

Thanksgiving day in and of itself is reason enough to be thankful. We have been given so much. As our pastor reminded us last Sunday, we live in a world that has Christ! No longer, as in the days before Christ, is the world shrouded in darkness! Our God really does reign and salvation has come to us. What a perfect way to start the Advent season.... with a feast of Thanksgiving.

flyboys

2010-11-24T01:00:00.003-05:00

this face

2010-11-21T20:32:00.003-05:00

This face. How I love this face.

This is Nathan's newest expression for anything and everything exciting. Usually trucks. When I took this picture, we were standing outside and he heard a fire truck (also called "pire-truck"). He makes this face and does a high pitched, inhaled gasp (you know, the sound you make when you see your child about to hurt themselves). I think he must have learned this sound from me. Anyway, whenever he sees a truck on the road, in a book, on TV... he looks at me and makes this face and that noise. It totally cracks me up every time.

staycation

2010-11-19T20:01:00.002-05:00

Ever just need to get away? Well, we did. Actually it was more of a staycation than a vacation, but still. A few weeks ago, we spent the weekend at a cabin down on the beach here in town. The military has cabins down there that are very affordable and great option for a little family getaway. We had a beautiful view of the water, and even though the weather was beginning to cool a bit, it was perfect for playing on the beach.

One of my favorite parts was the (very) few minutes of quiet in the morning, watching the sunrise over the water while sipping a hot cup of coffee. That would be my happy place.

The time spent on the beach was perfect. A beautiful way to wrap up the summer.

Surf's up, dude.

The kids all had a blast running around, digging holes and riding the waves with Daddy.

Finding treasures in the water's edge.

And, of course, none of this fun would be possible without the Daddy. The best Daddy ever who hauls all of the beach gear to-and-fro, with a smile no less.

And this little guy had so much fun. This is pure mischief in the form of a boy.

One night we went down to to the boardwalk, heard a bit of jazz band, had ice cream. And this is what your hands look like if you play in the sand right after you eat ice cream.

And I was there, too. Ken took this picture from our balcony.

This is my other happy place. :)

photo shoot

2010-11-17T22:11:00.009-05:00

Although I am a far cry from what anyone could call a "photographer"... I do like to play one on TV. I love taking pictures, especially of families. And as much as I like snapping my own kids, it's nice to get some practice with other families as well.

Last week, my neighbor asked me to snap some pictures of their family for their Christmas card. I took some more "formal" family photos that they used for their cards, but here are a few of the snapshots I got while the kids were running around in the yard. They are a beautiful family and easy to photograph... and my first (non-related) "photo shoot".

I so enjoy doing it and appreciate them letting me practice on them. :)

why

2010-11-12T22:50:00.003-05:00

Going.....

Going....

Gone.

And this, my friends, is why I have so few pictures of all of my children together.

vaccines

2010-11-11T00:02:00.003-05:00

This week, I took Nathan to get his MMR shot. If you're shot savvy, then you know that this is usually one that is given around 12 months. If you know that Nathan is now 20 months old, then you also realize that we are behind schedule. We have chosen to spread out some of Nate's vaccine's to avoid getting multiple live virus vaccines at once. This choice has made things much trickier than I had expected. I really didn't realize that making such choices was so unusual or would be met with such resistance.

The reason behind delaying some of Nathan's vaccines is due to the possible correlation of vaccines to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Please note that I said possible. I know that this has not been proven (and have been reminded of this fact by more than one health care professional as of late). However, I think there are enough studies out there to indicate that there is at least the possibility that these two are related.

I have read about all this in depth, I have friends who have dealt with these issues personally, and unfortunately we are dealing with some of these issues ourselves. I won't go into what all factors would/could line up to make multiple vaccines dangerous for some children, but I really do believe that it's not the best thing for our kids.

We haven't always felt this way, but over the past 2 years we have come to realize that one of our children does have some developmental delays that are symptomatic of an ASD. Without going into all that, I will just say that we have what I believe to be justifiable concerns.

Anyway, when I broached this subject with our healthcare facility, we were told that all vaccines were mandatory and have to be given on schedule. Not alternate schedule. No flexibility. If I wanted to do something different, I would have to go through the Public Health Dept. If I brought him into our normal facility, he would be given ALL of the shots he needed, no matter how many that may be.

(By the way, the typical 12 month old is given around 9 vaccinations at once. Nine. In the form of 3-4 shots. And here's a fun fact: 3 of these are live viruses... if you get a live virus vaccine alone, you have to wait 4 weeks before you can get another one. Unless you get them all at once.... then I suppose you can get as many as you want?? Does that make sense?)

Anyway, we have jumped through the hoops. I have waited for 2 1/2 hours in the waiting room of a local health department, just so I could be treated like nothing short of a child abuser by the nurse who accused me of neglect for not "fully" vaccinating my child. I didn't even bother explaining again that I will be vaccinating my child, only not all at once. Besides, she was so busy judging me, I don't think she would have heard me anyway.

Well, by hook or by crook, Nathan is vaccinated now, and we did it in the way we thought was best for him. But I had to jump through flaming hoops to get there. Did it make a difference? No idea. Will this prevent some type of damage to his brain or his immune system? Maybe, maybe not. The point is that I don't know. And as long as I don't know (and no one else does either), we're going to do what we think is the safest for our children.

What has bothered me most about the whole situation is being treated like a criminal because *obviously* the government knows what's best for my children. And *obviously* I don't. I haven't enjoyed this small peek into "the good of the masses" superseding the rights of the individuals. I am a parent who is trying to do what is best for my child, and I would like to be free to do that.

Socialized medicine, anyone? No thank you.

Things I like about fall...

2010-11-07T23:18:00.014-05:00

The falling of leaves....

and the raking of leaves.

The crisp air....

and sweaters....

and the crunch of every step.

And the giggling children in leaf piles?

Yes, the giggling children.

That's my favorite part.

Trick-or-treating

2010-11-04T19:34:00.012-04:00

On Sunday, we had a trick-or-treating good time.

Of course I tried to get a picture of all of my trick-or-treaters, but the little one is fast.

Just a blur, he would be.

But he was there. A Chicago Bears football player. He fits the part.

Hannah was a Princess from the Reformation period.... the same outfit that she wore for the Reformation Day celebration at school on Friday. I think she's getting so grown-up looking, don't you think?

Jake was Spiderman, of course. Although he's never seen a Spiderman cartoon or anything else, he's seen toys and thinks he's the coolest. It's a boy thing.

As Jake was strutting around as a super hero, the girls kept calling for him to "rescue" them.

He was more than happy to oblige.

And here's the Prima Ballerina. Every year Claire is some form of a ballerina. It's just her thing. But that makes costumes easy, right?

And Grace... who was going to be a Reformation princess until 1 hour before trick-or-treating... became a fuzzy caterpillar! This was the best I could do on such short notice, but I think she turned out pretty darn cute.

The kids hit the streets and this year, this little guy was right there with them. Rather than the stroller, we used his monkey-leash (I didn't get a picture of it... but it's cute and practical and used often these days). Regardless of what anyone might think of such contraptions...he loved the freedom and we came home with the same 5 children we left home with.

We were obviously the first ones to hit the streets in our neighborhood. But soon the streets were bustling and a fun time was had by all. A memorable family night. And Claire's already counting down the days until next year.

Sometimes.....

2010-11-03T22:48:00.004-04:00

.... you just need a break.

I'm not really sure what triggered my blog break, but I think it was much needed. I love to write and "scrapbook" of sorts, but this is a busy season of our life. And is something has to fall by the wayside, better the blog than the kids, no? The housework has fallen by the wayside a bit too along with other things that I'm trying to put on track, but God has been good. I am learning and have learned and, by grace alone, will continue to learn as He models His love for me in this amazing thing called a "family".

We are more settled here than we were a month ago. We have people, and that's a good thing. We haven't made any heart friends, as you may call them, but we have people. People that we can call and people that care and give us a sense of belonging to the Body here.

This week, I got in the van, the swagger wagon, with the kids, cranked it up and it was bad. Noises and rattles and a really bad smell. After a trip to the shop we were told that the engine needed to be replaced... the engine... the whole flippin engine. Really? After the initial shock of that news, we came to the conclusion that it's God's money, not ours. If He wants to buy an engine, who are we to argue?

The next question to be answered was how I was going to get the kids back and forth to school without a car. With a family of 7, we won't fit in Ken's truck and most people don't have room to haul 3 extra kids for carpool.

How could we not have known or ever doubted that God would provide, bountifully as always. I sent an SOS email to a few other moms in the school. Within hours, people had divided up our kids and arranged rides for everyone for the rest of the week. On top of that, one mom from church referred us to a mechanic in our church whom we didn't yet know. She said he's a believer and he's an awesome mechanic. He came and got our car and fixed it. Without a new engine. And we got it back the same day.

All of these things were really minor in the big scheme of things. But they made a big impression on my heart. For the first time in a long time, we had people. God showed us His love and provision through His people. The church acted like the church and we were a Body and it was awesome... the way it's supposed to be. It was also a lesson in humility for someone (me) who likes to go at it alone most of the time. All I had to do was ask. How many blessings and provisions have I missed because I didn't ask? Because I didn't trust?

That's only one example of the things I feel that God has been teaching us lately. So thankful for His patience, as I am a very slow learner. And thankful that I can write these things down so that I don't forget. Or when I do forget, I can go back and remember.

I just remembered that I really do like blogging.

words to remember

2010-09-22T21:12:00.004-04:00

My favorite quote today came from Jacob as we were driving to get the girls from school.

After sitting quietly, looking out the window, he pipes up.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, Jake?"

"Girls don't like garbage."

True.

And how I would just love to know what goes on in that little mind of his.

pray

2010-09-21T12:06:00.005-04:00

My heart is heavy right now, after hearing news yesterday that some friends of ours lost their baby girl. Full term and stillborn, she was born into Heaven. The story isn't mine to tell, but will you pray for them? They are a godly couple who would covet your prayers.

Since yesterday these lyrics from Lincoln Brewster have been in my head: "Surely this isn't how it should be, Let Your Kingdom come." Over and over, my heart is repeating this. This isn't how it should be. Loss and hurt and pain. We know that His ways are higher than ours. We know that our God can be trusted. We trust Lord, but still we hurt.

Thanks for praying, friends. I know these prayers are heard.

And while you're praying, my dearest friend Maria, who is expecting in November, is now on strict bedrest due to preterm labor. Thankfully, her baby boy appears to be healthy and strong. He has 3 brothers here waiting for him and 3 in Heaven and a Mommy and Daddy anxious to meet him.... just not too soon. Will you pray for her and their baby, for God's protection and timing? God holds each of these little ones in His hands. I know He does.

Until His Kingdom comes,

Jen

things I want to remember....

2010-09-18T21:24:00.020-04:00

Nathan will eat pretty much anything. I love that I can catch him sneaking veggies off the table before dinnertime.

All kids sneak snacks, but peas? Awesome.

Sleep-overs that the girls have. Hannah has her own room now, but nightly they beg to sleep together. It's fun to be big and have your own space, but nothing's better than sisters.

And, of course, bathtime with all these tiny hineys. It's a party in the tub. Every. Night.

My amazing husband who painted our front room for me. It's the school room and we spend alot of time in there. It's also the first room you see when you walk in the house. It was this marvelous 1987 rose/mauve color. And even though this house is just a rental, Ken painted it a great landlord approved neutral color. I could have painted it, but I'm usually preggers so he's somehow become the painter de facto in our family. Anyway, it looks soooo much better and it makes me smile. He makes me smile.

Another Gracie creation #793. This time from a tortilla. Great goalie mask.

Playing in the sprinklers in the backyard. This summer, in order to be outside, you pretty much had to be wet. Or else you would melt. We had fun putting pool at the bottom of the slide and splashing in like gangbusters.

I can't believe that I have another Kindergartner this year. It made me happy to write Claire's name on her school books this year. She's loving school and having lots of fun. Every Friday the parents come to school for lunch and prayer and their closing hymn. This week was pizza Friday. So fun to eat with the girls and then watch them sing Amazing Grace with their classmates.

This is Kitty. Claire's best friend for the last 4+ years. Now kitty rides to school with us in the mornings and "naps" in the car until I pick the girls up at noon. It's sweet and strange to see Kitty laying in the back of the van all alone. I realize that C is growing up.... but she's still not too big for Kitty.

Claire lost her first tooth last week. G had to have one pulled today because her permanent teeth were crowding it out. Han just got braces. Nate is getting his "eye" teeth. Jake just has a great smile.... one that shows all his teeth. Teeth are taking up alot of mental energy in our house right now. 5 kids equals about 100 little teeth. The tooth fairy is one busy individual around here.

The weather is finally getting cool enough to actually enjoy the outside world here! We have a hoop in our driveway and family basketball is becoming a nightly routine. Han is really good and can beat me in Horse.... not that that's saying that much. But she is good. Nate loves being in on the action too.

He's only about 2 feet tall.

But the kid's got game.

These little ones really make our life so very full. Full of all these little moments that I don't want to forget. Nathan is picking up a few more words now. My favorite is "okay". Anything you ask him now....the answer? "Okay." So simple, But I love, love that sweet little voice.

As a reminder to myself, in these sticky, messy, exhausting days.... these are the things that make it all worthwhile.

The awesomeness that is Grace

2010-09-15T10:46:00.007-04:00

Creativity is her thing. Quietly, she creates. Every single day, there is a creation of some type. A new invention. A new way to view the ordinary. We honestly put Scotch tape in her Christmas stocking. Her mind amazes me.

Sometimes I remember to take pictures. Not usually. But I don't ever want to forget these days The hours and hours spent creating. The costumes, the gadgets. Hundreds of them.

And all of them make her smile. And make us smile. And make up the awesomeness that is Grace.

Where were you?

2010-09-11T15:26:00.004-04:00

Nine years ago today, I was standing in Baptist hospital, picking up a breast pump from the lactation consultant. I was holding my tiny 3 week old baby with all the confidence of any first time mama. As I was waiting there, a nurse asked me if I had heard that the Pentagon had been attacked.

I was stunned. I really and truly believed that it couldn't be possible. I loaded my new baby girl back into my car and drove home, scanning the radio stations for details of the horrible news I had just heard. I heard more. The twin towers. Both had been hit. Collapsed. Thousands feared dead.

I got home and immediately turned on the news. Matt Lauer and Katie Couric were describing the tragedy as it unfolded. I sat in disbelief, holding my new baby, wondering what was happening to the world into which she had just been born.

Ken walked in the door, sent home from work and still wearing his flight suit. The FAA had grounded all flights that day. We sat together and watched, wondering and fearful and saddened by all that was happening.

There were so much lost in those few hours. The lives that were taken, the innocence of an entire generation. My children will never walk someone to the gate at an airport, go to a stadium without metal detectors, enter a federal building without barricades. I will never again go to an airport without remembering or see a Special Report on TV without wondering if the next "big one" will be now.

For my parents generation, it was the assassination of JFK and man on the moon. They can tell who exactly where they were and what they were doing when those events changed the face of our country. For us, it will always be 9/11. No matter what other events color the landscape of our nation in the future, where we were on that day will always be burned in our mind.

I will not forget the lives of those lost on that day or the lives lost since for those fighting to protect our nation. I will not forget the terror of that day or the sense of patriotism in the days following. I will not forget that even in the midst of evil, our God is still in control. And still good. And I will not forget where I was or what I was doing when the innocence of a country was lost.

Where were you?

school days

2010-09-09T23:07:00.019-04:00

Fall is finally almost here and the school days are beginning. Only this year, our 3 oldest are going to school-school, not homeschool. Although they are technically still homeschoolers. Let me explain.

I'll start with this. I love homeschooling. I have a heart for it. I think it is a wonderful thing, and I have met so many beautiful homeschooling families. In my perfect world, I would homeschool a house full of little ones. (I would also live on a farm in the midwest, knit sweaters, and grind my own flaxseed.... but that's a conversation for another day.)

I can honestly say that I enjoyed our time homeschooling last year. I could go into a litany of reasons why, but I'll just suffice it to say it was just what our family needed.

This year, our plan was to homeschool again. However, I was staring down the barrel of teaching a 3rd grader, a 2nd grader, a Kindergartner, a preschooler and chasing one amazingly active toddler. It would be fair to say that I've been more than a little overwhelmed at that thought. On top of that, a couple of our children have a few special needs that require some extra time and attention in teaching and in life in general.

With a heart as open as possible, we have prayed for God's leading in this trepidatious area of how to best educate our kids. I do very much believe that their education is ultimately our responsibility. Education is far more, I think, than academics but is discipleship.

Once we got here in June, we had a friend recommend to us a great church here that her family attended. (Again... thanks, Jen!) She mentioned that the church was affiliated with a school that was a homeschool/private school hybrid type thing. We decided to visit the church and check out the school. And both were just what we were hoping for.

The jest of it is that the kids are still technically homeschoolers. However, they attend "school" everyday, but only until 12:30. It is a very, very small school and classical in it's approach. I've never really studied the classical method of education, but from what I'm learning about it, it seems excellent. The children are taught a very rigorous classical curriculum which is entirely Bible based. The teachers are mostly teachers who have also been homeschoolers and are very passionate about their faith and the importance of discipleship in education.

It is a fun, very close-knit school that really teaches the whole child. Not only are they taught reading, math and history, but they are also taught respect and discipline. They are taught the importance of properly greeting adults and looking them in the eye. Yes ma'am and yes sir are a must. Boys are taught to always hold doors open and the idea of (gasp) "ladies first". These things would seems terribly out of place in many traditional schools these days, but honestly it makes the school such a wonderful, peaceful place to be. And the kids LOVE that. They are treated with respect and learn to treat others with respect.

What I love is that while I know they are getting an excellent education of the mind, I know the teachers care about their heart as well. I also love that I have them home and homework completed by around 1:00 everyday. That pleases my homeschooling heart.... knowing that I still have so much of the day with my kids to just be with them, as they walk by the way. And not being responsible for 100% of the teaching? I feel like I can breathe again. And the boys are loving this arrangement, too. They get prime mommy time every morning to just play and be boys! I love that I'm finally getting extra time with my littlest ones.

This school has been such a blessing to us in so many ways. Private school times 5 children really wasn't an option. But because this school is "part time", we're able to send 3 kids for the price of one at a typical private school. And as far as class size and individual attention?Wonderful. Claire has 4 kids total in her Kindergarten class. I have more kids than that in my house!

Obviously, no situation is perfect. We're still working out the kinks of our daily schedule...primarily Nathan's nap schedule. And the intensity of the studies is going to take a little getting used to (Hannah and I are already learning Latin!). And I know I'm going to sorely miss keeping my kiddos at home come cold and flu season. But all in all, a blessing it has been. We had no idea when we moved here that God would meet our needs like this... a loving Christian school that provides such a great ministry to homeschoolers, less than 10 minutes from our house.

We're excited for the school year. Hopeful and thankful and loving seeing the kids so enjoying where they are. Oh, and one more perk.... uniforms? Not picking out clothes everyday for 3 girls? Priceless.

And this little girl.... 5 years old. Off to school for the first time. She was nervous at first, but kept a kiss in her hand and did just fine. Now, social butterfly that she is, can't wait to go to school everyday.

And on her second day of school? Lost her first tooth. Where does the time go?

Have a happy and blessed school year!

meeting me here

2010-09-05T22:27:00.007-04:00

"Life is hard. God is good. Don't confuse the two."

That is a quote I'm borrowing directly from my friend Jen, who I think got it from her pastor. (Thanks, Jen.)

This week I'm finding these words profound in their simplicity. I'm seeing myself for who I am and realizing how very much my heart desires to confuse to two. It is my nature to desire life to be easy. Regardless of spiritual discipline, I am finding in myself that I really do want, with all my heart no less, for my life to be easy.

And when it's not? (Though compared to most of history, it pretty much always is.) So rather, in my mind, when it's not? What do I do?

I confuse the two.

Though I may not say it, I assume somewhere in my soul that God is hard. Why? Because life is supposed to be good. It must be true. I read it on a t-shirt.

But the fact is that life is hard. And even though my life is historically wonderful, I am a sinful person in an imperfect world. This side of Heaven, life will be hard. Be it actual or perceived, I will have trials.

Sometimes my children will hurt. Sometimes I will be sad. Sometimes my husband will be in bed with the flu, as he is right now. I will have questions and I will answer them wrongly and I will dig myself into holes and I will stumble. I will be as Paul and do the very things I wish I did not do. I will fail to enjoy these days with my children and wish fervently for the day when everyone is potty trained. And quiet. I will covet quietness in my home to the point of sinfulness. I will fail to see God's favor upon me, and I will revel in my repulsive pride. I will curse and swear and cry, then pray and ask for forgiveness I don't derserve. I will be fearful and lonely and hopeless because my blind eyes refuse to see the hope that is before me. I will judge wrongly, then become the very same as those I have accused. I will miss the moments of joy that I should have recognized, and I will never get those moments back. And these things, I will do every day. I will pray and plead and hopefully grow, but still I will fail. Why? Because life is hard.

But.

God is good. He is so good. And He looks upon me with favor that I could never deserve and He gives. He gives me good things. He carries me through the hard things He has allowed, and He comforts me. He is my Shepherd and I shall not want. He knows and He understands and He loves me too much to leave me here. So He is patient with me. He disciplines me, and He gives me gladness. Even in pain, He brings me joy. In uncertainty, He is my Rock. He delivers me in the big things and in the small. In my world that seems so small right now, He shows me what matters. He gives me moments to savor. Flashes of joy. Why? Because He is good. Life is not good. I am not good. He is good.

In a flash of joy this week, I realized that 3, nearly 4, of my children are too old now for sweet times in the bath tub. One, almost 2, of them showers now with little to no assistance from me. And the next one certainly no longer wishes to be photographed in the bathtub.

But this little guy.....he still thinks bathtime is the greatest thing ever.

And I can still take pictures of him in bubbles. Sweet little butt cheeks and all (though I'll keep those off the internet). He needs me to give him a bath and he soaks up the attention and he thinks nothing in the world is better than bubbles.

So as I bathe my sweet little ones, instead of grumbling about the number of baths that have to be given or how wet the floor is becoming, I enjoy the time. This time that is quickly passing and will soon be gone. I know this joy doesn't come from me because I am tired. And much of me longs for the days things will be easier.... whatever that means.

But God is good. He is meeting me in my weariness. Reminding me of His love and giving me notice of the little things. Slowing me down. Giving me joy.

Because He is good. So very good.

my big girl

2010-09-03T22:29:00.003-04:00

Before......

After....

summer days... part 1

2010-08-31T23:15:00.024-04:00

You've heard of drinking from a fire hose. Well, this is blogging from a fire hose. Or something like that.

I really enjoy keeping track of our daily and weekly goings-on through this blog. It's something I keep that I hope to be able to show our kids one day. So that, when I look back at these days as one big blur of child rearing, I'll have the pictures and the stories of those little things. Little things that will hopefully remind me that these times were so much more than just a blur. So much more.

But in the blurriness that sometimes is, there are just not enough hours in the day to capture these thoughts and pictures. So, sometimes I have to do it all at once. When the kids are sleeping and the wee hours allow. So here goes... a start to our summer in review.

After a long roadtrip and lots of help from my father-in-law, we got here in June. It was hot and has remained that way for most of the summer. I know I should have expected this, but I think I've been in the north for too long. I've grown rather fond on mild summers and this beautiful concept know as seasons. But, none-the-less, we are in the south now. And in case we didn't realize it, there was a nice welcome sign to remind us.

I think I should have donned bare feet for this one. But the baby on the hip should suffice, don't you think?

And another sign to make us aware of our proximity to the good ol' Mason-Dixon.

You just don't see signs like that in New England, folks. You just don't.

Anyway, since we've been here. We've been enjoying all the great things about Southern living... being close to home, good food, Southern accents, pick up trucks, awesome Walmarts, etc.

We've checked out the area and kept ourselves entertained this summer.

We watched butterflies emerge from their chrysalis'.

The kids named them Wisteria, Petunia and Spotty.

Since we've freed them, the kids are sure that they can see them (and identify them by name) everytime we see a butterfly.

Filling the need to nurture, the girls have also collected a variety of other bugs. But none of these were cuddly enough so....

We got Alfie. Meet the newest member of our family... a grey tabby kitten we adopted from the local animal shelter. Bless him, he is a patient cat. He has been loved, toted, pushed in wagons and carried in every manner imaginable by lots of loving little hands. Though we thought we would prefer a dog, we have discovered that a cat is just what our family needed right now. Low on maintenance, high on love.

And speaking of love... Ken built the kids a great swing set for the backyard.

And he had lots of little hands to help.

Very little hands.

But mostly, everyone just enjoyed being outside with Daddy. The smell of bug spray in the air. Cheering him on, playing games.

Just enjoying summertime .....

and awaiting the completion of the new swingset.

Thanks, Daddy. It's awesome.

Now that the weather is finally cooling off a bit, we've been able to spend more time enjoying the outdoors. Playing basketball, riding bikes, the parks.

With summer ending, we're focusing on a whole new batch of new things coming up in the Fall. God has been good to us as we've transitioned here. We've seen Him answer alot of prayers and are continuing to pray. So much learning and changing. So much more to catch up on. But that will have to wait for another time.

More to come....

smiling...

2010-08-23T09:14:00.003-04:00

Still here.

Just very busy.

No time to blog.

Lots going on.

New swing set. New friends. New haircuts.

Got a cat. Getting braces. Starting school.

Waiting. Deciding. Praying.

Enjoying the last few days of summer.

Still smiling.

Be back soon.

our big 9 year old

2010-08-21T23:41:00.007-04:00

Today Hannah turned 9. It just seems so much older than 8 to me, somehow. We had a fun family day together. Of course it started with our traditional birthday breakfast, followed by presents.

We all hung out together for the morning. Dad took the older kids rollerblading, one of Hannah's favorite things. For lunch, Hannah and I had a mom-daughter date to a Japanese Steakhouse. It was the first time she'd seen a hibachi grill. She loved the food and it was fun a fun experience.

After that we came home and picked up the other girls and hit the movies for an afternoon showing of "The Return of Nanny McPhee". All of the girls were giddy with excitement since we average about one movie per year, if that.

We came home and grilled out hotdogs for dinner, had birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday to my sweet oldest girl. It was such a fun day for everyone... but it was markedly different than her other birthdays. For one, there were no toys. This year, she wanted books and a journal and other "grown-up" gifts. There was no theme to the party... just her favorite colors....pink and orange.

She wanted to help make the cake and spend quality time together. She wanted to make the day great for the little ones and not make it only about her.

She really is growing up right before our eyes and it not so much a little girl anymore, but rather a big girl, well on her way to becoming a young lady. She's tall and she's able and in two weeks she gets braces. She's my helper and she's responsible and still so much fun... just in a more grown up way.

And tonight, when I put her to bed, she wasn't sitting in the middle of the floor playing with her new toys like I can so clearly remember her doing on every birthday past. Tonight she was lying in her bed, after tidying her room, writing in her journal about her 9th birthday. As it should be. Because she is 9 now, after all.

I love you, Hannah and am so thankful that God gave us you. What a joy it is to see you growing up right before our eyes. Happy Birthday, baby!

Marriage enrichment....for only $4.99

2010-08-08T05:36:00.003-04:00

We are not technical geniuses at our house. As a general rule, we slowly drag our feet into the next technological advancement of our times. iPod, Twitter, Facebook? If we choose to go there at all, we are generally at the end of the line.

That being said, just a couple of weeks ago, we started texting. I know. We may be the last people on the planet to have added this feature to our cell plan. Why text? I have have always wondered. If you're already holding the phone, isn't it just as easy to call?

As it turns out... no, it isn't! Texting is a wonderful thing. I am stating the obvious for most of you, but this fact was revolutionary for me.

Ken "had" to be able to text for work, so we added this handy dandy feature to our phone. We had no idea the benefits that this would have in store for our marriage. Really.

Now, several times a day, while Ken's at work...we text. Not just passing info and such, but sweet little notes that keep "us" in the forefront our minds. Since we usually can't talk uninterrupted during the day.... him because he's working, me because I'm working....this little trick has been just the thing. How sweet it is to be in the heat of battle with some household issue and hear that glorious little chirp from my phone to let me know that my hubby is thinking about me and offering a few words of encouragement.

Love note, encouragement, morale booster... for only $4.99 a month.

So worth it.

17 months tomorrow

2010-07-27T22:31:00.007-04:00

A few kids back, I probably couldn't have imagined letting my 16 month old cruise up and down the stairs so freely. But, then again, a few kids back, I didn't have a Nathan.

Stairs? No problem. Ladders at the park? Piece of cake. Rock wall? Puh-leeze. And his personal favorite mountain to climb? The kitchen table, of course. The boy is a climber. And a grabber and a runner and a pull-things-out-and-throw-them-on-the-floorer. Never in 5 children have I had one to keep me as busy as this guy does. He has given me a whole new respect for the words "all boy".

Thankfully, he's also a smiler and a laugher and a kisser and a hugger. He really makes everyone's day so much brighter, and I couldn't even begin to imagine these 17 months without him.

Nathan to some. Nate to others. His sisters call him Umi (oo-mee... and no, I don't know why) and I call him Sha-Nay-Nay... (In Living Color, anyone? I know that's just wrong, but it just comes out).

Anyway, he answers to it all and seems to know that it means that he's loved. He really is a joy for all of us, and we just love him to pieces.

calm in my chaos

2010-07-26T13:39:00.003-04:00

Pity party is over and it's time to getting back to the business of making this place home. This week has been better. We're taking small steps, getting things done and slowly putting our home back together again. Unpacking is reaching the final stages and next we'll move to the decorating phase. That's always more fun than unpacking.

However, in the midst of all this unpacking and busyness, I can't forget that there are still 5 wee ones who need lots of time and love and attention. That has to be the priority, thus the boxes sometimes have to be put on the back burner.

In an effort to create a little order in my life this week and do something fun the kids would enjoy, here's what we did....

If you have more than a few small children in your house, you know the amount of cups you can go through in a day. For every drink of water a new cup is needed. No, it shouldn't be that way, but until now I haven't had the organizational skills needed to keep up with whose cup is whose and where it can can be found.

Soooo... here's my handy, dandy new system. Each kid has their very own cup. They all hang on the side of the fridge with a little adhesive hook. When they want a drink, what do they do? They grab their own cup, get their own water from the fridge and neatly hang their cup back on the fridge. If, by chance, they forget to re-hang their cup, they will have no problem looking around and finding their very own cup because it has their name on it. [Side note.... I have not changed the name of my middle child. Her first name wasn't available so she was more than happy to find a cup with her middle name. It makes her cup even more special, she says.]

The kids love the new system and think it's so cool that they get to have their own cool cups. I think it's so cool that I have saved at least 3 loads of dishes in the dishwasher this week by all the dirty cups we no longer have!

Of course this could be done with any old cup and a Sharpie, but this way it gets to be practical and pretty. And, honestly, I'm more likely to use practical if it's pretty.

It's the little things, you know. The little things that add just a little bit of calm to our chaos.

settling in

2010-07-18T21:55:00.005-04:00

We've been here in Virginia Beach for about a month now. People keep asking if we're settling in okay. Of course, I always say yes. I mean, what choice do we have, really?

But the longer answer is... yes, we are settling in. But it's a process.

It's not really that I expected it to be quick and easy. It's just that about a month after each move I remember how hard it really can be. The new starts to wear off. The boxes get unpacked. Then we have the start the unexpectedly hard part of a move.... just living here.

Church today was a good example of this. Last week we visited this same church. Loved it. Great PCA church, great people. Kids did okay... little ones didn't want to leave my side, but that's okay because it was our first Sunday, right?

We go back this week. To make a long story short, I wound up parading in and out of the sanctuary several times (when I would have preferred to be a wallflower), getting summonsed to the nursery, dealing with various melt-downs and, at one point, I even had 3 screaming children hanging off of my body at once.

Let's just say it wasn't a worshipful experience.

We left church after the service and I was in a funk, to say the least. I really, really dislike having to find a new church, meet new friends. I don't like being the new people and I really, really don't like being the new people with hyperventilating children hanging from every appendage. I mean really. We cause a scene on our best days. Throw in a few tantrums, and we're a regular sideshow.

But the more I've thought about this today, the more I've come to understand where I am in this settling in process. I'm realizing that this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint.

Our 8 year old has lived in 9 different houses. This is the 6th duty station for our 7 year old. Our 16 month old is already "settling in" at address #3. And so on and so forth. Is it really any wonder that we're dealing with some separation anxiety issues? Can you blame them for being a little clingy in a new place? Honestly, all things considered, I think they're handling things pretty well.

Right now, I'm holding on to the fact that we are not merely nomads, though it sometimes feels that way. God has called our family to this. That is one thing I am sure of. In the middle of a time when nothing seems steadfast, I know that He is my rock. He will never change. He will never leave me. He is the same Father to me, be I on the west coast or the east coast or somewhere in the middle. If my kids are afraid, He is their shield. When my husband is gone, He is my fortress.

So, today I would say that settling in to our new home here is hard. I'm overwhelmed, tired, lonely, bogged down and feeling less than joyful. How's that for a pity-party?

However, I know that I can rest on the Rock of my salvation. The One into whom I can settle and know that He is never changing. Trusting Him to protect my children through all of this, and to somehow use it all for His glory.

I want to walk in this truth everyday, but honestly, I'm not there yet. I wish I was. But I am praying for these things and trusting God for a friend here to remind me of these truths. I'm also praying for my sweet kids to find peace and joy here in the midst of everything new. God led us here, I'm sure of that. I know that He hears our prayers and will continue to guide us, just as He has before.

So, so very thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

hats off to reading

2010-07-17T22:04:00.003-04:00

I have to say that I think Summer Reading Programs are awesome.

Giving little people everywhere extra incentive to sit quietly and read for hours.

Sure, it's educational and all.

But we all know that it was a Mom who came up with this idea.

Happy reading!

it's official

2010-07-17T21:41:00.001-04:00

I just changed my blog to a private format. So, welcome friends! More to come......

this boy

2010-07-14T20:17:00.005-04:00

How I love this boy.

This boy who crawls ever so quietly down the stairs after naptime, so he can surprise me. This boy who loves to hug his mama and fills my days with "I love you"s and kisses. This boy who loves to laugh and make up jokes and giggle and dance. This boy who spends his free time reading a dictionary and falls asleep at night flipping through a thesaurus.

This boy, whom I worried might never talk. This boy who now tells me stories and always asks questions, so eager to learn. This boy who marches to the beat of his own drum. This boy, like no other that I've ever known.

And I wouldn't trade this boy for the world.

no place like home

2010-07-10T22:11:00.013-04:00

A few weeks before we moved from Newport, I had the chance to go back home and visit with my family for a few days. Ken kept all the kids for a long weekend, and I had a vacation of sorts. He really is a rockstar Dad, and I am so thankful that he gave me a chance to get back "home" for a while. It had been over a year since I had been to Alabama and seen all of my family.

It was a nice visit and, of course, while I was there I took pictures. Because that's what I do. I took pictures of the things that I have seen at least 1000 times, yet somehow this time they looked more beautiful than I remembered. I think absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Like the peanuts coming up in rows. Remembering the smell of the peanut fields, the dust in the air during the harvest. Sitting under the carport with my cousins picking fresh peanuts off the vine, just pulled up from the field next to the house. The smell of Mema cooking boiled peanuts.

The fields, the sunsets. Growing up in a place that a secret between "you, me and the fencepost" really meant something.

Aunt Molly's road. I never knew Aunt Molly. She was my Papa's cousin that died before I was born. But I remember her house that used to sit under the trees on this road. Any walk or bike ride generally was generally measured by it's proximity to Aunt Molly's. The old white, wooden house has been gone for years. But this is still Aunt Molly's road.

The clothesline where Mema hung her laundry. I remember as a little girl, reaching my hand up high into the calico cloth clothes-pin hanger that she slid along beside her as she hung out the laundry. She would patiently let me help as I lifted the wet sheets from the old, silver washpan. I still love the smell of clothes hung to dry.

The tree that still stands in the field behind my folks house. I remember my Papa telling me of how this tree was planted by his father, my great-grandfather... behind the house where my Papa was born, where my Mom grew up, where I grew up. The place that, 100 years after this tree was planted, is still home.

The driveway where I spent hours riding my big wheel. And then my bike. Going really fast then hitting the brakes to see how far the gravel would fly. The fun that can be had on a driveway that's not paved.

These pictures may not mean much if you've never been here. But something about being away from home for so long really helps me to appreciate the beauty that I'm sure I've sometimes overlooked.

Who says you can't go home?

things change

2010-07-08T20:28:00.002-04:00

As much as I enjoy blogging and journaling and taking pictures for all the world to see, it's time for a change. I'm still planning on blogging and journaling and taking pictures.... just not for all the world to see. For a few reasons...5 to be exact... I'm going to be changing my blog to a private blog. I'd still love to take all of my friends and family on our bloggy adventures, but I want to do it in a way that puts our family a little less "out there".

So.... just comment or email me or message me and let me know your email address and I'll add you to my blog reader list. And in a few days, you'll be the only ones allowed to read all these crazy wonderful things that make up our life.

Now, won't you feel special?

Happy 4th!

2010-07-04T20:14:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday, America!!!

beatin' the heat

2010-07-02T01:21:00.025-04:00

When it's this hot....

there's only one thing to do.

getting settled

2010-06-28T05:45:00.003-04:00

I really like to wait to blog until I have pictures. Because a post without pictures is like a day without... well, it's just better with pictures. However, posting photos right now would require a whole new level of togetherness that I just do not have right now. We're getting there, but I"m just not there yet.

The house is coming along. We've finally made it through all the boxes and we're just getting down to the details now. We can find most things, but they're definitely not yet in their proper places. Ken started to work the day after our household goods arrived, so our time together to unpack has been limited. I have many small children milling about all day here, so my time to unpack alone has been limited as well.

One of my favorite features about our new place right now is that I have a dedicated school room. Last year, trying to homeschool in the living/dining/school/all-purpose room was a challenge. It's nice to have space to spread out with our projects.

Something that has surprised me about being here is how much everyone in the neighborhood seems to keep to themselves. We're coming from base housing where everyone rushes to meet and greet the new people moving in. Not so here. In 2 weeks we've only met 2 neighbors, both on our own initiative. I wasn't really expecting a welcome wagon, but a howdy-doo would be nice. This afternoon the kids and I will be making cookies and taking them to neighbors we haven't met yet. We're going to get to know a few people. Whether they like it or not.

There is a ton of things to do here. And also many, many people to do them. I'm hopeful to start exploring this week and see a few sights with the kiddos. I think a few fun outings would be a real morale booster for our box weary family.

We tried a new church today. It was nice. Very traditional and liturgical, both of which I liked. I'm looking forward to settling in with a church family here, so we can make some real connections with like-minded friends. The church also has a Classical school that follows a homeschool model. The kids are technically registered as homeschoolers, but attend classical classes from 8:30 to 12:30 every day, followed up with parental instruction at home. It sounds wonderful to a tired mommy, and I could see so many advantages to such a school. My heart has been toward homeschooling for a while, so this would be a change of plans if we entertained the idea of this school. What to do. At this point, choices just muddy the waters of my heart. Still, it's something to consider.

I'm enjoying the still, quiet moments of early morning here right now, before the pitter-patters of little feet begin to grow into a deafening roar. I got to rock my littlest guy back to sleep this morning for about 20 minutes. And I loved it. I really want to treasure these days. I know they are passing all to quickly. I can't believe my oldest in about to be 9 and my youngest is running around the house like a madman. Even in the craziness, I don't want to wish these days away. I know I will miss them. These move-all-the-time-constant-transition-crazy-busy days. It is only a season... to learn from, to grow in, to follow my God thru... and to enjoy.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-20T15:13:00.005-04:00

Father's Day started today with my meager attempt at breakfast for my husband. Waffles and sausage were okay, but syrup would have been nice. We used jelly instead. It was okay, but missing a little something. We didn't try out a new church today, because we can't find anything clean to wear. I know, it doesn't matter what you wear. Blah, blah,, blah. Anyway, most of today has been spent digging out from under our mountains of cardboard and mayham.

Still, in the midst of it all... Ken has managed to be sweet and caring and loving and keep the good attitude that I seem to be lacking right now. He's doing all he can to help us put the house together, yet taking time to play Clue with the kids and set up the sprinkler in the backyard. He's spent his day taking care of me and the kids, just as he does everyday.

And I am thankful for him today, just as I am everyday. I am amazed that somehow God gave me a man like this to share my life with. He is a wonderful husband and father, a man of great character, a protector and provider... and today, a bug killer, baby rocker, a box lifter, and assembler of all things.

I love you, honey and appreciate all you do everyday for our family. You're my hero.

We're here....

2010-06-17T06:41:00.003-04:00

We're here. After a couple of long days of driving, late nights of moving and cleaning, we made it to Virginia. So far the only casualty of the move seems to be that the right shift key on my computer isn't working, so excuse the typos.

We really like our house, which is good considering we rented it sight unseen. It has abundant room for all of our small children and that seems to make everyone really happy. I don't think I realized just how cramped we were in our old house until now. Bigger isn't always better, but having enough space to move around certainly is nice.

The trip went well, all things considered. The kids did amazingly well in the car for 2 days and with the exception of one child throwing up at the hotel, everyone stayed healthy. Our movers got here yesterday and delivered our household goods, so I'm sitting in a canyon of boxes. Today the unpacking process will begin.

My first impressions of Virginia:

It is definitely the South. It feels like the South. Actually, for the past couple of days it's felt a bit more like the surface of the sun. Guess it's time to put away our sweatshirts.

There are alot of people here. Traffic is crazy and every major road (not interstate) is at least 8 lanes across. If you're familiar with Mobile, think rush hour on Airport Blvd. every time you go somewhere.

There doesn't seem to be alot of children in our neighborhood. I'm sure that there probably are some, it's just been too hot for anyone to be outside. I do see a 15 passenger van at a house down the street and that gives me hope. Big vans make me think of big families and that makes me happy.

As we were walking to the neighborhood park yesterday, Hannah commented that we don't "look like we're from Virginia". She said that we "look like" we're from Rhode Island. I'm hoping that soon everyone will feel less conspicuous and feel like we belong here.

I'm looking forward to Sunday and praying that we can find a great church to plug into. That always makes a place feel more like home.

I've already taken a few pictures but am in way too much of a state of chaos to download yet, so I'll have to share those later. Thanks to all who are praying for our transition here.

Now, back to the boxes....

we're outta here

2010-06-09T22:21:00.011-04:00

Well, we've finally made it to move day. The movers are coming bright and early in the morning to pack the house then load it on Friday then we're outta here. I am tired. So tired that my brain isn't really working right now. But I need to empty my head before I can get a couple hours of sleep, so - in no particular order- here are my thoughts tonight.

I enjoyed reading the captions for the last pictures. I'll have to give the cookie to Cheryl for "Flying Lessons", since Ken's a pilot and all. But they were all fun... especially those that referred to poop. Ken said that if more of the commenters were men that there would have been more of those. He's probably right.

We've been cleaning all week, getting ready for the pack out and the move-out inspection. I think whoever invented the Mr. Clean Erase sponges should get some kind of lifetime achievement award. Really.

I haven't blogged much lately because I just don't have time. The kids have been going to bed later and by the end of the night, I just have no more time and even less energy. I missed blogging about Jake's birthday. He just turned 4. Such a big boy and so sweet. We went bowling. I'm going to blog about it soon and post date it to make it look like I did it on time... just so I don't feel guilty when I read it years from now. I sure love that little boy.

Ken also had a birthday. He's my favorite 41 year old in the whole world. He's just really awesome and helpful and sweet. I love him so much. I could think of lots of words to describe out marriage right now. Lots of the words would be fun or sexy words. And they would be true. But the number one word that comes to mind right now is teamwork. We are a team. In the middle of our ump-teenth PCS, I am especially thankful that I have a good teammate. We're doing this together. I'm chasing babies and cooking. He's cleaning the kitchen and packing boxes. I get the paperwork done, he cleans out from under the fridge. I pack the suitcases, he gets the car serviced. And he never, ever complains. That's my job.

We also went on a trip to the White Mountains in New Hampshire a couple of weekends ago. It was a fun trip with lots of hiking and family time. We went to the top of Mt. Washington and saw lots of waterfalls and made smores...not all at the same time. Lots of pictures. Later.

I went to Headland and visited my family. All by myself. It was fun and good to see all my family that I haven't seen in over a year. I relaxed a good bit and got to have long conversations which is a rarity for me. I took lots of pictures and noticed things that I'd never noticed before. Every man in Wal-mart over the age of 12 wears a baseball cap. And most of them drive pick-up trucks. And Wal-mart in the South is really nice. All of these things I would have never noticed before. I think I've been gone long enough to see things the way that people who aren't from there see them. But I've lived there, so I can appreciate them for what they are.

And Nathan has another double ear infection. Seems to be time for tubes. Bummer. But if it will make him feel better, so be it. He's such a joy, and I have never seen a child with so much energy and determination. He's great 5th child. Just happy to be with us and doing what everyone else it doing.

I think I've procrastinated long enough now. Movers will be here in a few hours and whatever I don't have in a suitcase will go in a box and we won't see it until we get to Virginia. Strange thing to have people packing your house like that. I wouldn't show my own mother what's in my lingerie drawer, but Bart the moving guy will find out tomorrow.

On that comforting note, I think I'll throw a few things toward the suitcase and go to bed. We'll lose our computer tomorrow, so I'll be signing on again next week from the sunny South. Please pray that all goes well, safe travels for our family, patience and rest for all of us, friends when we get there and peaceful transition. I'm feeling thankful right now that God has gone before us. Looking forward to being at home in a new home. As they say, home is where the Navy sends you.

name that photo

2010-06-03T11:54:00.002-04:00

Obviously, I've been too busy to blog. But we are still having fun here.

So...here's a fun little contest for anyone who happens to still read this blog. Leave a comment with a fun name for this picture.

The winner gets....

the satisfaction of being the winner!!!

And besides, comments make me feel loved. :)

my cup

2010-05-19T05:30:00.004-04:00

One of the mommy bloggers that I read was recently posting thoughts on trials in her life. She posed this thought, or rather her husband did:

What's in your cup is going to spill out when it's knocked out of your hands.

That thought has me thinking.

I've been blessed in so many ways. I can say that, up to now, my cup hasn't been truly knocked out of my hands. But it has been tipped a little bit here and there.

I wish I could say that it's only God's goodness and truth that spill out of my cup, but unfortunately that's not the case.

As my cup gets jostled around, I am often forced with the reality that I have been filling my own cup. I know this because it is then that I see that it is filled with selfishness, pride and my own weak attempts at good deeds.

I want to be filled with Jesus. I want my cup to be overflowing and my life to be evidence of that. I want my cup to be so full that others can taste and see that the Lord is good.

He is the Giver of all good things, the filler of my cup. This morning I again bring Him my emptiness, so I can experience His goodness. And I see again... He never fails me.

He fills my cup. And it runneth over.

and...

2010-05-16T13:42:00.007-04:00

This is Robin.

Batman said so.

boys

2010-05-15T11:21:00.006-04:00

We had 3 girls before we had our boys. Boys were a new thing to us. They still are. I'm still learning and getting used to the wonderful thing that is a little boy.

Jacob is soon to be 4 now and is getting totally into pretend play.... boy style. With the girls, we've done princesses and mommies, kitties and horses. Not Jacob.

Today he is Batman and really, really insists that I (and anyone else who addresses him) please remember to call him Batman. In addition, I am Superman and daddy is Spiderman, and we are being called such.

He has never seen these cartoons or read the comic books, but somewhere along the way, he has learned that these superheroes are very cool people. He is running around the house, jumping, tackling, even "flying" off the couch... just like Batman.

He also loves airplanes...and trucks and motorcycles and pretty much anything else that is self propelled... but especially airplanes. We've read the Jet ABC book too many times to count. We both have it memorized. 'B' is no longer for ball, but for 'Bell XS-1'. Just as 'F' is no longer for fish, but for 'Fighting Falcon'.

Ken pulled out some of his old flight gear the other day, and Jacob was sooo excited. A little boy's dream come true. Now, he can run around the house and pretend to be a real pilot... just like daddy.

If he stays this excited about flying, we just may have a future Naval Aviator on our hands.

You know. If the Batman thing doesn't work out.

Birthday girl

2010-05-13T22:07:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday to my beautiful Grace!

Yesterday Gracie turned 7 years old. We did our traditional birthday breakfast, complete with purple pancakes in the shape of a "G". There were balloons and presents and candles and lots of singing. And this was all before 8am, of course.

Ken was off work for the morning, so we got to spend the morning all together, just playing games and enjoying the day. Since G got to choose what she wanted for lunch, she chose the fine culinary experience of Taco Bell.

Tomorrow night we are having a slumber party with a few of her friends and I'm sure there will be endless giggling and silliness, so I'll just wait and post all the birthday pictures then. But for now, here are a few of my favorite memories of Gracie this year....

Roller blading all over the neighborhood. Learning to ride her bike down the steps. Her excitement for watching birds and making countless bird feeders for the back yard. Playing puppies and kitties and "puppymentary" with her sisters. Being her little brother's best friend. Getting her 2 front teeth knocked out with a snow shovel (okay, that's not a favorite, but it's definitely a memory). All of the animals and various creations she has made from things in the recycling bin. Her beautiful artwork...drawings and paintings and pastels. Her imaginative stories and deep thoughts. Wearing skirts nearly everyday and looking like our beautiful little flower child. Her contagious laugh and willingness to beat her own path. Sledding and snow angels and playing in the rain in her polka-dotted rain boots. All the sea shells she has given me and rocks she's collected.... never failing to take a walk without bringing me flowers she's picked. And my newest favorite memory... the beautiful ring she made me for Mother's Day from a key ring and a purple painted seashell, all wrapped up in a matchbox.

I love you, our little California girl. Happy Birthday!

Paw Sox

2010-05-10T20:53:00.017-04:00

I had a great Mother's Day and my sweet husband gave me several hours in the afternoon to work on my pictures. I hid in our room and worked on the computer somewhat undisturbed for quite a while... and I loved it. The rest of the day was great too... lovely handmade gifts, a big breakfast, tulips.... a phone call to the doctor, a trip to the pharmacy and a kid with an abscessed tooth. Well, that last part wasn't great, but that's a whole 'nother story.

Anyway, back to those pictures I'm catching up on. Last week we took in a minor league baseball game with the kids. There is a farm team (is that what you call it?) for the Boston Red Sox near here... the Pawtucket Red Sox. The kids has so much fun and definitely a favorite Rhode Island family memory for me.

These minor league games are so much for for the kids. They all (especially Jake) thought the mascot was pretty cool. This is the "girl" mascot. They have boy and girl polar bears as mascots. Something for everyone, I guess.

We went to an evening game and managed to stay the whole time. The weather was perfect.

Nathan did sooo well, especially considering we were out was past his bedtime. He smiled (although this picture doesn't reflect that) at everyone around. And he even had his first taste of cotton candy.

Jake's favorite part was that all the seats had numbers on them. He is beyond obsessed with numbers. He also loved the scoreboard, the jerseys, the pitch speeds. There are numbers everywhere at baseball games. So he counted pretty much all night.

The girls liked the baseball, but mostly enjoyed the other cool stuff....like the bear that threw out T-shirts...

...all the cool songs... like "Sweet Caroline", when everyone sang...

... the yummy ballpark food... snuggling with Dad. Claire told Ken during the game that this was the best night ever.

And, as if all that wasn't enough, the home team won.

And.... it gets better... they had a huge fireworks show after the game. So cool.

We didn't get home until about 11:30pm. With our car full of sleeping kids. Very fun night and great memory.

to the mamas

2010-05-08T20:10:00.012-04:00

Happy Mother's Day....

To my Mama.... who raised me well, who loves me unconditionally, who laughs with me, listens to me and offers advice when needed. I am thankful for her amazing patience and wisdom, for her strength and for her character. For showing me what it means to be a loving wife and an ever giving mother. For teaching me when to be quiet and when to speak up, how to be strong without ever saying a word. She is the picture of the gentle and quiet spirit that I want to be, the pillar of strength for our family and a wealth of wisdom. She is the picture of real and authentic, never fake, yet always gracious, caring and kind. Ever giving and loving to my children in ways that only a Nana can. Always willing to listen to my endless ramblings and share in my ups and downs.... I know this because I still call her every single day. Truly one of my best friends.

To my Mema... who raised my mother to be the woman that she is. A picture of strength and of kindness all together. A beautiful lady from whom I have learned the meaning of perserverance and of hope. Her heart is for her family, and her thoughts , always on others rather than herself. A role model of courage and always there to listen.

To my Grandmama.... because she loves to laugh and she loves to give. Always willing to give of herself, her time, her money, her advice. A true Southern lady in every sense, always willing to put her family first.

To my mother-in-law.... because she has taken me in and loved me as one of her own. Because she loves my children so well. Because she gave to me one of the most priceless things in her possession... the gift that is my husband. A giving heart like no other who is always willing to put herself aside for the needs of her family. A fountain of wisdom for me to draw from in raising my own children, because she raised hers so well.

To Grandmom... because of her gentle presence and encouraging words. Her heart for the Lord and the example she's set. Her amazing faith and the years of wisdom from which she has to glean. Her gentleness and strength, an example for our family and for generations to come.

I am thankful for all the Mamas in my life. Thank you for making me into the Mama that I am learning to be and for continuing to set a godly example before our family. We love you.

"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her, "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31:28-29

where I've been and why

2010-05-06T23:20:00.003-04:00

Not that anyone has been waiting on the edge of their seats.... but it's been a while since my last post. The main reason for this is logistics. It's just not as easy to blog now that we have put our computer away. Obviously not completely away, but away from the convenient place that it used to be.

Our kids love the computer. And, truth be known, so do I. But, simply put, we were just spending way too much time and mental energy regulating who was on the computer and when, whose turn is was and how much time was too much. We were also noticing that Jacob is significantly more "chatty" and engaged when he has no screen time. Our girls seemed to be able to function fine with some computer game time and a few videos here and there. But boys seem to be different. At least this boy. His mind doesn't seem to be able to focus when these things are in his world. So.... we removed them. Completely.

He no longer has any TV time and zero computer time. Sounds kind of cruel, doesn't it? Well, it's not. Our boy, who is and has been struggling so with language and engagement is suddenly a social butterfly. He's talking and laughing and playing and imagining and discovering new joys that he never even knew existed.

I don't think this is the only factor is this change we are seeing. We have also changed his diet and implemented a few more proactive things to help with his development. And even though I think he willl still need some speech therapy to catch up, I really think that this removal of screen time is the main thing that is making a difference.

I think (and it has been proven by people who are much smarter than I am) that "screen time", even in small amounts, really effects children's brains in adverse ways, and boys are especially susceptible to this. I recently read a widely accepted study that said that for every hour of daily screen time a kid has between the ages of 1 and 4, their risk for having ADHD by age 7 goes up 10%. (I would cite who did that study, but I don't remember... I read it while standing in the bookstore.)

A love for TV and computer time for our kids has never been a value that we truly desired to give to our children. In fact, we are, in theory, opposed to it. We've gone years in our marriage with no TV at all and hardly missed it. But as kids get older, life gets busier and my comfort is to gravitate towards what is easy. And that's what I've done. I've traded what is best for my kids for what is easier. So now... we pull the ox out of the ditch.

I'm certainly not proposing that our choices should be everyone's choices. I am, however, amazed at the difference I've seen in our family. It's a difference I knew would happen in some ways, yet was amazing in others. I'm seeing the value of the common-sense values of our parents and the fruit of passing those on to my children.

I like bandwagons. And sometimes I am prone to jump on them. But this, I hope, is more than that. It's a choice we're making for our family and I'm excited to see where it will lead. We'll still use computers for school and in a responsible way. And we'll still have the occasional family movie night. But without these distractions as a part of our daily lives, there are so many other valuable things I want to be doing with my kids. And now we have the chance to do them.

This week, we've hunted for snails and blown bubbles. Gone for walks, played in a field of dandelions, played dress up, gone to a baseball game, saw fireworks, and got haircuts. We went to the Children's Museum, played in the sandbox, walked on the beach, did a beach clean-up day and threw rocks. We did puzzles, went to the library, played with wiki-sticks and read a ton of books. We made birthday cards, practiced flashcards, played with friends and watched dump trucks. The list goes on. But those are a few examples of why I wish I had been bold enough to make this decision years ago.

A week without TV and computer games. And we're just so not missing it. Really.

And, by the way, you know that I took pictures of all of those things I listed up there. I just have to put my computer back together to download them all. :)

what I'm thinking about right now

2010-04-26T20:20:00.006-04:00

"Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord;

His going out is sure as the dawn;

He will come to us as the showers,

as the spring rains that water the earth."

Hosea 6:3

I've pondering this passage for a couple of days now. Pondering the concept of pressing on to know the Lord. Some days it feels like that, doesn't it? Yet, when we do... He comes to us like a spring rain. Refreshing and life giving.

We have a busy week ahead of us. Ken is working on his last presentation before graduation. Can I get a woo-hoo? Tomorrow we have our pre-move-out housing inspection. We're making all the final plans to roll out of here in about 6 weeks.

Nathan was scheduled for a hearing test this week to see if all these ear infections he's had will warrant tubes. Yes, they're starting to use the T-word. That would be a first for our kids, but I'm all for it if it will stop the infections and let him hear.

I take Jacob on Thursday to his first meeting with the speech pathologist. The first test indicated that there is a need for further evaluation. We already knew that, but it's nice to have it confirmed by a professional so we can start seeking the help he needs. I am trying not to worry too much about his developmental delays. I am starting to see some progress, I think. Either way, this is the sweet boy that God gave us and I can trust that He knows the plans He has for him.

We're loving the sunshine we've had for the past week. We filled the sandbox with sand and the water table with water. Everyone is loving being outside, and Nathan is especially loving being mobile this spring. We've been collecting snails from the beach and going on lots of walks. I'm even trying to start running again. Don't laugh. It ain't purty.

It's bedtime now for the girls. The boys are already sleeping. So, I'm off to do tuck-ins. Then I have to start cleaning for that inspection.... lest they see how we really live.

news from the home front

2010-04-16T22:32:00.003-04:00

We have a house!

After a long few weeks of house hunting, God gave us a house. And not just any house, but a really great house. So much better than any other house that we thought we wanted. Not in a fancy way, but in a bunch of little ways that meet our needs. So much more that we even dared to ask for.

Yesterday, we consciously stopped praying for the Lord to help us find a house and started praying for the Lord to just give us a house, the one He had for us. He did. All within about 2 hours.... a new house popped onto the rental market, we saw it, we filled out an application and we had a home. It was a gift and we are thankful.

Because it is so much more than we thought we even needed, we both feel very strongly that God has plans for us here that we don't even know yet. I don't think that this house is just for our comfort or to have room for more material possessions. I do think that it is a gift that is to be used to glorify God is whatever way He has planned. And we are praying for the faith to trust in that.

So I wanted to encourage all of you who have been praying that God would give us a home. He did. And we are thankful!

photo fun

2010-04-15T23:11:00.003-04:00

Although I would hardly call myself a photographer, I do so enjoy taking pictures. Most of the pictures I take are, of course, of all my little people. But I do also enjoy having fun with photos of all kinds.

This year, for our anniversary, I made Ken this photo collage. I had seen similar photos in Christian bookstores and the like, but I decided to make it my own my doing it in color (because I heart color) and taking pictures in places that are familiar to us.

Hopefully, you can see that it spells our last name. That's kinda the point. Anyway, it was fun to make and anyone can do it. And I think it makes a cool piece of art for our home.

And the flowers? Those are some of my favorites, reminiscent of our California days, and a gift from my very thoughtful man.

I heart him, too.

Nathan's first egg hunt

2010-04-13T22:15:00.012-04:00

He's off! Basket in hand. Ready to hunt!

He finds his very first Easter egg. Now, to put it in the basket...

But, wait! I think there may be CANDY inside! Oh my!

There IS candy inside! Now, how do I get it open?

I know Mom's gotta be around here somewhere. She'll open it for me...

Hey Mom, look what I found!

Candy! In an egg!

Open it for me, will you please?

Please?

Of course, he didn't say all these things, but I'm sure it was what he was thinking. His egg hunt ended after one egg. And he didn't wait for me to open the candy. He "opened" it himself and enjoyed the chocolate, paper and all. How I love that sweet boy. :)

irony

2010-04-10T14:09:00.004-04:00

Ken and Jen Plus 10

2010-04-09T05:15:00.011-04:00

It's not the name of a new reality show. And we don't have 10 children, at least not yet. But yesterday we did celebrate our 10 year anniversary.

Knowing that it would be a particularly busy day, we celebrated the night before with a family picnic down by the water. Ken picked up some special picnic treats and we took them down to a pretty grassy spot at the edge of our neighborhood. We flew the kite and the kids ran around and played. Hannah even snapped an anniversary photo for us.

The kids, of course, had a blast with the kite. And even though it is still a bit chilly at night here, the weather is starting to get oh so pretty. I'm beginning to remember why people actually like living up here.

All the kids took a turn with the kite... Oreo smiles and all.

And in case you're wondering what kind of anniversary celebrations includes a whole gaggle of little kids in tow.... ours do.

In light of the fact that we had no babysitting available this year, I don't think the kids minded joining us at all.

And we certainly didn't mind sharing the occasion with them.

While we were out there, Ken and I said our vows to each other while the kids giggled. And then they asked if we were going to kiss. So we did.

I always want them to know that I love their daddy more than anything in the whole world.

It's been a crazy and wonderful 10 years and I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

Easter in pictures...

2010-04-05T21:23:00.014-04:00

Here's our Easter weekend in pictures. And a few words.

On Saturday we colored eggs. Ken taught the kids how to blow out eggs. I grew up just hard boiling them. Who knew? Of course, they thought that was awesome.

The kids loved making lots of colors and mixing colors and coloring lots of eggs.

Then the big kids went to an Easter egg hunt here on base while Nathan napped. The bunny was there. Jake loved, loved, loved the bunny. As a matter of fact, he followed him around the whole time.

They had a fancy face painter there. Gracie, of course, chose to be a pink bunny.

Claire was a blue bunny.

As was Hannah.

They all got to see the bunny, except for Nathan, but I don't think he minded. He got in on lots of the Easter fun later.

Sunday morning we had Easter baskets and made Resurrection Rolls for breakfast. It's a fun Easter treat that tells the story of Christ's resurrection. Forgive me for no pictures of those fun treats. But I had 5 kids with hands in marshmallows and melted butter... no time for pictures.

After church, this was the best we could muster for our Easter picture of the kids. Church was fun and everyone came home excited about the day. Not that you could tell it from the looks on Claire's and Jake's faces. "I know! It's Easter. Let's look mad!"

We had some friends and neighbors over for lunch, complete with the traditional ham and deviled eggs. After lunch, we got our hunt on. The adults hid the eggs, and we set all the kids loose in the courtyard.

They get serious about eggs.

Especially when they're full of candy.

After the hunt, they spent the day enjoying their loot and playing with their friends.

And lest you think that little man didn't get in on the fun, boy did he. His first Easter was so cute in fact that he's getting his very own blog post very soon.

I hope your Easter was sweet, too! Happy Easter!

We celebrated...

2010-04-04T23:40:00.008-04:00

We had a wonderful day today. I was a fun family day and a day that was full of hope.

That's what I love about Easter.

All day long, in everything we did, I was reminded that He has made all things new. From the eggs to the flowers to the children, there were symbols of new life everywhere.

Today we celebrated a God who loves us so much that He died for us. He took our sin upon Himself, so that we would not have to die. So that we may live with Him for all eternity.

Today we celebrated that His death was not the end of the story. We celebrated a God who is very much alive. Who conquered death, rose from the grave and who came to offer us the same hope through His son.

Today we celebrated that gift. The gift of eternal life. The gift of abundant life. Not a life without pain, but a life with hope. Not a life without death, but the knowledge that death is not the end. We celebrated the One who has defeated; who loves us unconditionally and offers to walk this road with us.

This gift is offered to everyone. Today we celebrated that. All we have to do is believe Him. Trust Him and allow Him to take the reins on our life. Seek His forgiveness and His face. Today we celebrated His victory over evil and death. That we worship a living God. The only God.

Today was fun and full of life. And only because of the one who truly gives life. Thank you, Jesus, for that life. For your life. For dying, so I wouldn't have to. For rising again, so I can too. For living, so I don't have to walk through this life alone.

The story is true. Jesus really lives. So, today we celebrated.

need not apply

2010-04-02T19:58:00.004-04:00

Over the past few weeks we have been daily scanning the Internet in search of a home. Our move is coming up shortly and, all things being equal, we'd like to have a place to live. We're high maintenance that way.

We've tossed around the pros and cons of renting versus buying too many times to count. I think at this point we would be open to either, depending on what comes available. However, considering we will probably only be at our next duty station for a relatively short time, renting does sound like a pretty appealing option.

But this is where it gets tricky. There are quite a few rentals in the area, but understandably, having a larger family with young children rules out alot of them.

However, I had no idea just how many of them it would rule out.

I've noticed as I've been calling around, the question of children comes up fairly often. Several times I've been asked by property managers or landlords about the number and/or ages of my children. Last week as I was talking with someone about a property for rent, I was having a really hard time getting straight answers from him. Several times he brought the conversation back around to my kids. (Just for fun, I was intentionally not volunteering that information.) After he brought it up a few times, I said that I did have several young children and asked him if that was a problem.

He quickly back-peddled and assured me that it was not a problem at all and that he wasn't even allowed to ask that question. Funny. He did ask that question, didn't he? Anyway, I didn't really get anywhere with the rental info, so I just marked it off the list.

I've considered that maybe I'm being just a bit over sensitive to this. Maybe they are just asking out of curiosity or from a desire to truly be helpful. Maybe. Until today.

Ken called a listing we found online for a large, 4 bedroom house that looked as though it would fit our needs nicely. He left a message and the owner eagerly called us back 10 minutes later.

He told us what a great house it was, what a great area, etc. Then Ken asked, just to be sure, that it was a 4 bedroom. He said that it was, and then asked (of course) how many children we had. I heard Ken tell him that we had 5 young children.

Before the man had a chance to respond to that, Ken asked him if he would consider a 3 year lease, which is usually very popular with military family rentals.

His response? And I quote, "Not with 5 children, I won't." Though I couldn't hear the other side of the conversation, the look of Ken's face let me know that he was not pleased with how this was going. The man, realizing I think that he may have sounded a bit discriminatory, began explaining that he was sure that this house just wasn't a good fit for us. Too small, he said. Which it wasn't. And suddenly, he remembered that it was technically only a 3 bedroom, not 4. Really?

I know that such ignorance really shouldn't bother me or surprise me. But sometimes it does. I can respect that people want to keep their homes in good condition and sometimes children can be messy. But seriously, they're not animals, they're kids. And by the way, all of these homes do allow pets, just not many small children.

I think what bothers me most is the undertone that children are a burden rather than a blessing. That they are something to be merely tolerated rather than embraced.

Yes, they make life messier. And I suppose if our goal is to have the perfect home and the perfect car and the perfectly tidy life, that may be a problem.

Fortunately, that's not our goal. God has used our children to save us from that idea of perfection and show us a picture instead of His goal for our lives. Our children add more richness into my life in one hour than the most beautiful home in the world would in a lifetime.

So, if you think that my kids don't fit into your world of perfection and the American dream? You can keep your white picket fences. I'll take my kids. Any day.

this and that

2010-03-29T22:29:00.005-04:00

After some beautiful weather here last week, we finished off with a weekend full of rain. I guess it makes you appreciate the sun, right? I had no idea it rained so much in the part of the country. It's supposed to rain until Thursday, but then it's supposed to hit the 70s and sunshine this weekend. Just in time for Easter. I can't wait.

Ken went on house hunting leave last weekend and checked out the area where we'll be living. We still don't have a house, but at least we do have a better feel for the area and kind of know what areas we'd like to live in. We're checking daily online for new listings and hoping to find something soon. Knowing you're moving soon but not knowing where you're going to live is not a huge deal. But it is one of those things that sits in the back of your mind until it's settled.

We're also trying to figure out our school situation for next year. School, homeschool, maybe a combination of the two? Depending on the day you ask me, I will give you completely different thoughts on this. Most days, I think homeschooling rocks. Other days, I'm completely overwhelmed and think school sounds a heck of a lot easier. So many questions, lots to pray about.

And then there's the day to day routine. My house seems to be falling apart around me right now as I'm struggling to keep up with chores and laundry and school and laundry and dishes and did I mention laundry? While I was belly aching about such matters, my mom likened it to running a business while being understaffed. I think that's a great analogy. There is just not enough of me to get done everything that I feel needs to get done.

That, and the fact that I'm sometimes lazy and disorganized and undisciplined. That may have something to do with it, too. But mostly, there is just a lot more little people in this house than there are of me. And boy, can they make a mess.

Especially that little guy. He's 13 months now. His favorite hobby is to pull everything off of anything and throw it on the ground. It's really amazing to watch him go through a room. He honestly leaves a trail.

And speaking of Nathan, he now has a double ear infection. Again. He's the first of our children to ever have ear infections. Let's just say, they stink.

But lest you think everything is gloomy here right now on this rainy day, here's a picture of some sunshine.

The kids tied strings to their stuffed animals and did a puppet show for Nathan. The ideas they come up with are truly amazing. Their creativity is awesome. I'm also loving seeing them playing together so well. That's one part of homeschooling that is great.

Seeing my kids loving on each other, playing together and taking care of their brother. A little bit of sunshine.

Jake

2010-03-23T23:05:00.006-04:00

Today I took Jacob to a speech pathologist for an evaluation for a possible language delay. I say possible because I think he has a delay of some sort, I just don't know if "language delay" is the right diagnosis, or if there even is a "diagnosis".

We've known for a few months that he seems to be communicating at a level behind most other kids his age. We've chalked it up to being a boy and/or having 3 chatty older sisters to talk for him. I still think that this is a large part of it. That maybe it's nothing more than being a "late talker". But I also think that in order for him to continue to develop in this area, he may need a little help.

This little boy has my heart in every way. He's a mama's boy and a charmer and he knows it. He's hilarious, makes up jokes and is the family clown. He loves being the center of attention.

However, in a group of kids his age, he seems to pull away. It seems it takes him longer to process, and he can't put the words together in the right way.

It's been confusing because he seems so "ahead" in so many other areas. Counting to 200, no problem. Reciting the alphabet, forwards and backward, got it. He's even starting to get the idea of reading. And yes, I am bragging on him. He's a smart kid.

But none of this is helpful to him if he can't communicate. And it really hurts my heart to see him unable to do that. After having 3 verbose little girls, I haven't exactly known what to do or how to help him.

So, today's evaluation feels like such a blessing to me. It is free, offered through the school system and available to every child age 1 and up. He was evaluated by a professional, and I will meet with them after they determine the results of his testing and come up with an Individualized Education Plan just for him.

I am thankful that we're starting down a road that will hopefully give him the help he needs to get over the hump. I seriously doubt he will ever talk as much as his sisters. At least, I hope not. But I do want him to be able to say whatever he wants to say.

I love his little voice and his little laugh and his little heart, and I am enjoying hearing him share them with me. This little guy is such a blessing to us. And I'm thankful.

(He did great on his "test", by the way. He totally charmed the lady giving it, and I'm half expecting them to come back and tell us he's just messin with us. That would be sooo Jacob.)

silence

2010-03-20T22:41:00.004-04:00

Silence is something we don't have alot of at our house. There are many small people in a muy small space, therefore, it is usually loud.

And when it gets too quiet, you worry. That usually means that something is wrong or someone is somewhere doing something they shouldn't be doing.

You know, things like eating dish soap or crawling on top of the piano. Or coloring the baby with a Sharpie. Things like playing in the trash can or throwing things in the toilet or emptying the fridge. And my personal favorite, playing in my make-up.

This is what that one looks like, by the way.

And in case you are wondering, those are all things that actually happened at my house this week. Along with, a trip to the doctor, 2 ear infections, a visit from my Mom (which was a great thing, by the way), one call to Poison Control, several computer repair attempts, and several other exciting things I'm too tired to remember.

So, silence? We haven't had much of that lately. And when we have, we've tried to end it quickly. However, when things are moving at this pace around here, my blog does go silent.

I've just been catching up on living life and writing about it will have to wait for a while. So I'm just taking a minute to say hello and let you know that I will be back when things slow down a bit.

Or at least when I have a few more moments of silence.

springing

2010-03-15T06:29:00.004-04:00

Last week was 50 degrees and sunny. It was wonderful. I feel like spring is springing. I won't say spring has sprung, because that would guarantee a snowstorm next week. But I will say spring is springing. It's closer than it was, and we have almost made it through winter in New England.

As the last of the snow started melting a couple of weeks ago, we enjoyed some sledding with friends. The grass was starting to peek through the snow, but that didn't stop the fun.

The kids bundled and hit the hills.

Sledding two by two, one at the time, in trains.

Even one on top of the other.

I love seeing their rosy cheeks against the blue sky and the white snow.

The was the posse from our neighborhood. Always together. It was the 2 on the right who moved away last week. The rest of the gang is missing them, but really enjoyed their friendship while they were here.

Hopefully, this will be the last of the snow pictures for this year. Ken laughs at me when I say that. It's only March, after all. But I'm hopeful.

This week, we played outside and went to parks and had picnics and didn't wear coats.

Spring is springing.

submarines

2010-03-10T22:56:00.003-05:00

This week blogging has once again become a casualty of our busyness. But, before I forget this, I have to write it down.

Tonight at bedtime, Claire (our ocean animal lover) pops her head up as I'm tucking her in.

She whispers, "Mom, when I grow up and I'm a Mommy, I want to be one of the guys that drives a submarine."

"Okay. That sounds great.", I whispered.

"Mom, will you go with me? We can drive it together and you can help me."

I assured her that I would be happy to and she snuggled down and went right to sleep with a smile on her face.

I can just see us cruising around the ocean together.

I would love to ride in a submarine with this sweet little girl. I hope she still wants me to when she's a "mommy".

tummy troubles

2010-03-06T04:03:00.003-05:00

It's about 4 am, and I'm sitting on the couch watching cartoons.

Well, I'm not watching them, but I'm snuggling and blogging as a sweet little girl beside me watches them. She woke up in tears tonight with a terrible tummy ache. We tried everything and found that the best cure tonight was cartoons.

This tummy trouble was likely gas and who knows what else, but I think some of it was heart ache as well.

It's been a rough week for the kids. Their very best friends moved away yesterday and there have been lots of tears. We move so much that normally we are the ones to leave and not the ones to get left behind. But not this time. This time we had to say goodbye to friends we've come to love, knowing that we will likely never see them again, this side of Heaven. That's tough at any age, especially when your 6. Or 8. Or 5.

There are so many blessings that we have been given through our "Navy life", but this isn't one of them. I'm not loving having to watch my kids say goodbye to friends over and over.

I grew up in a very, very small town. I never really moved, and I graduated with the same people I started Kindergarten with. Alot of those people are still there. It's strange that my kids, at least so far, don't have a place that they are "from". When they are 19 and in college and someone asks them where they are from, there will be a long answer instead of a short one.

I know that God loves them and is using this all for their good as well, so I don't normally lose alot of sleep over this. But tonight, I am losing sleep. Because I'm watching Garfield with a little girl who woke up tonight and remembered that her friends moved away.

Right now she's smiling and eating cereal and we're talking about the giant cupcake that's chasing Odie down the street. Sometimes a little TLC is all you need to get over the hard parts in life, I guess.

It's been a rough week, but I think they're going to be okay.

dog drama

2010-03-03T22:07:00.002-05:00

While I'm waiting for my computer to work again, I'll forgo the photos and tell the story I eluded to in my last blog. You can't just say things like "911 call" and not tell the rest of the story, right?

Sunday, Ken and Jake were out on a walk together by the beach. Ken said that he heard a woman calling for help. He looks up and seeing a lady walking two dogs and waving her arms around, her face covered in blood. Of course, he and Jake wen to check on her. Turns out she had gotten tangled in her dogs' leashes and fallen on her face on the concrete pathway. Apparently she had broken her nose and knocked out a couple of teeth and was generally in pretty bad shape. Ken called an ambulance for her and called her husband, and he and Jakey waited with her until help arrived. In the mean time, her 2 dogs (one of which was pregnant with 8 puppies) had gotten over the sea wall and couldn't get up out of the water, so Ken became the hero once again as he pulled the dog back up onto the pathway.

Ken said Jake was quite concerned about the lady and kept getting in her face and asking "Are you okay?" Once the ambulance came, Ken volunteered to dog-sit for her. He wrote down our # and address and brought home these 2 big, black, wet dogs.

We didn't want to keep them outside, since it was freezing and they were wet. So we barricaded the kitchen with baby gates and kept them there for about an hour until the lady's husband arrived. Of course the kids thought it was great having dogs. They even borrowed dog treats from the neighbors to feed their temporary pets.

So, that was our drama for the day that waylayed Nathan's party. But in the end, everyone was okay and Ken and Jakey got to be good Samaritans. All's well that ends well, right?

And, as Paul Harvey would say, that's the rest of the story.

Nathan's birthdays

2010-03-01T21:31:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was the little man's 1st birthday. I think he makes an adorable one year old.

I would love to show some pics of his day, but our computer isn't cooperating right now. Hopefully it will be up and running again by tomorrow.

Unfortunately, his birthday wasn't quite as fun as I'd envisioned. It consisted of going to church (which means missing a nap, if you're a one year old), a 911 call and unexpected dog rescue (which I'll explain later), the Gold Medal hockey game (which is about as much fun is having a birthday on Christmas), and an ear infection (which is never fun).

We did manage the birthday breakfast, a few friends and cupcakes and presents, but it's just not the same. Even though he won't remember it, I wanted it to be his day. Because birthdays are a big deal.

So we had a do-over.

Today, I took Nathan to the doctor, started some meds and got his ear feeling a little better. After gymnastics class for the other kiddos and the busyness of the day, we all stopped and enjoyed another birthday dinner just for Nathan. We had pizza and cupcakes and sang and he was the smiling, glowing, happy little center of attention. Just the way it should be. He even got to blow out his one little candle. Again.

He is child number 5 and that will probably mean alot of hand-me-downs and left overs in his life. But he is special. And birthdays are special. And everyone needs to feel like a big deal on their birthday. And even if he doesn't remember it, I will. The year my sweet little man celebrated his first birthday. Twice.

I love you, Nathan. Happy Birthday, baby!

resting

2010-02-27T13:12:00.003-05:00

This week we've been resting. It's been a good week. Ken has been home and has been wonderful, as usual. He had orginally planned a house hunting trip for this week, but decided to stay home. I think we all needed a week of recovery. On top of everything else over the past week, we've had 1 child get 2 teeth knocked out with a snow shovel, 1 child get 1 tooth almost knocked out and a fat lip, 1 night of a child with fever, 1 episode of puke in the car, 1 baby teething with a suspected ear infection and lots and lots of rain.

So, after all of that, this week... we rest.

I've napped more than I have in ages and slept in more that I probably ever will again. I'm so thankful to have such a loving and giving husband who is more than willing to take on the hard stuff at home and give me some much needed rest. I even just found out that he's lined up a sitter for tonight so we can go out and have some time alone. To say he is a gift to me is such an understatement.

I also so appreciate all of your kind words and prayers. God is answering those and allowing us to rest in Him in every way right now.

So that's what we're doing this week. Resting. Snuggling and playing and not much else. And I think it's exactly what we needed.

open to life

2010-02-24T21:21:00.005-05:00

Where do I begin?

Normally I have an idea of what I'm going to write before I even begin typing. Not so tonight. I have so much to process and think through still, so rather than waiting for that to be done, I think I'll just write.

Last week we found out that we were expecting again. We had suspected as much for a few days, and soon there were 2 pink lines to confirm what we already knew. We told our family and a few close friends, but mostly kept the news to ourselves for a little while. I would have loved to have been able to announce the happy news here with an ultrasound picture or news of a strong heartbeat, but that wasn't to be. Monday night we realized that we wouldn't be holding this baby this side of Heaven.

Somehow, I think I expected another miscarriage, so we weren't completely surprised, but still sad. It's always too early to say goodbye to a baby and I'll never get used to that. Things progressed on Monday and Tuesday to the point that we wound up in the ER last night. After 3 bags of fluid and a few doses of potassium, I was feeling better and we headed home a few hours later. We told the kids what had happened, and they took it as well as we knew they would. They have such a better handle on eternal perspective than I do. They were a little bummed that we wouldn't get to hold this baby, but excited to have another brother or sister in Heaven.

I am still feeling tired, but physically okay. I am a peace with what God has called us to. Although I would never choose this, I know that His ways are higher than mine. He has called us to be the parents of 5 beautiful children here. And He has also called us to give 2 back to him before we would have chosen.

Early in our marriage, we felt convicted to be open to life in our family. If God wants to be so gracious to us as to entrust us with another child, then we will joyfully and willing accept that gift. What I have come to realize over time is that that choice is a willful act of submission on our parts. It means that we will be open not only to the healthy, happy children that God blesses us with, but we must also trust Him when the way is hard.

This pregnancy ending when it did is as much a part of God's plan in our lives as the children who are sleeping upstairs are. And we can rejoice in that. God is faithful and He can be trusted. Would I choose this? No. But my Father loves me and my children. And He can be trusted.

The verse on my daily calendar for Sunday, that is still on Sunday, reads:

"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion: in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me; He shall set me up upon a rock." Psalm 27:4-5

I know this is true, and there is a comfort in that that is beyond understanding.

with a spoon

2010-02-19T23:24:00.009-05:00

Introducing my newly mobile little man...

On your mark....

Get set....

Go!

We walks with such determination.

As a matter of fact, he does everything with determination.

But still, I could eat him with a spoon.

Yep. Absolutely eat him.

Couldn't you?

*And to all my dear non-southern friends who think "eating him with a spoon" is just plain weird....trust me, in Alabama, it's the highest compliment. :)

the thrill of victory

2010-02-18T21:37:00.005-05:00

In honor of the Olympics...

And accomplishing great things....

Here's little taste of the thrill of victory.

The agony of defeat came 5 minutes later, when her brother knocked it down.

But it was nice while it lasted.

snowflakes

2010-02-16T19:48:00.007-05:00

It's been snowing this week. Again. I've decided that, although we don't get nearly as much snow as some of our fellow northerners, we get plenty up here. We've enjoyed a winter so far with enough snowfall for playing and not enough to make you crazy. There is a fine line there.

But no matter how many times it snows, it never, ever gets old to the kids. They run out into is as fast as they can get their little boots on. Every time, you would think it was the first time they'd ever seen snow.

And every time, they immediately stick out their tongues and try to catch a snowflake or two. And they usually do.

There's just something about the feeling of a fresh, crisp snowflake on your tongue, I guess.

But, try as you may, if you still can't catch one....

You can always just lick one off the door.

Really. I'm sure it's clean.

brotherly love

2010-02-16T13:02:00.000-05:00

one small step...

2010-02-12T20:50:00.006-05:00

It's official, the little man is on the move. He's taken quite a few steps this week. Totally melts my heart. I can't believe that my baby is starting to walk. On the other hand, it totally makes me laugh. The kid has no sense off caution. If he's anywhere even close to upright, he plows ahead with reckless abandon. No time for nonsense such as getting his balance. He's up and he's off, with all the grace of a drunken sailor.

Besides the walking, he's taken quite a liking to getting into everything. And I do mean everything. He' dumped countless bowls of cereal left too close to the edge of the table; emptied every cabinet, drawer and basket he can reach; completely unloaded the bookshelf more times than I can remember and has develped a new facination with playing in the tiolet. Yes, I did say playing in the tiolet. And yes, it is beyond disgusting. We have since installed a bathroom door baby gate that must be hurdled in order to get in the bathroom. Woe to the child who waits until the "last minute" to go potty. I digress.

Despite all of this, I still think he is about the cutest little almost-1-year-old person in the world. He's using a few words now and I'm loving his sweet little voice. He's getting quite a mullet, but I haven't yet been able to bring myself to cut off the sweet blonde curls. No matter how much he gets into in a day, I really do wish I could keep him this size forever.

fear

2010-02-11T02:23:00.002-05:00

Early last year, as I was about to give birth for the 5th time, I was gripped with a feeling that I hadn't really experienced with my other babies. I chalked it up to butterflies, perhaps a little anxiety over what I knew was coming. Of course I knew it would be overwhelming, adding a new baby to our already busy household. It would be normal to feel a bit of trepidation. But what I realized was that I was dealing with a very real sense of fear.

I don't really care for that word. It seems stronger than necessary. After all, I wasn't paralyzed by it. It was only a feeling, a bit like a knot in my stomach. But fear it was.

The reality was, as I was preparing for the days ahead, that I knew what was coming. I knew what to expect. I'd done this several times before, and unlike before, this time I had not forgotten. Having a baby hurts. Alot. I knew, by this point, that I was carrying a 8 or 9 lb little guy and that no matter what happened, getting him out of there was going to hurt.

Beyond that, I knew that I was about the enter the stage of sleepless nights and mind numbing tiredness coupled with round the clock feedings and, of course, the pain of recovery. I had done all of this before, but oftentimes ignorance is bliss. I had done this enough to know that, blessing though it was, I was going to have to walk through the hard part as I experienced the joy.

Obviously, I survived. God carried me through the fear and I did, and still do, get to experience the joy that a baby brings. I'm sure if we are ever blessed with another little one, I will fight the same battle. But God has proven himself faithful. Over and over again. I know that I know that He can be trusted.

Over the past few weeks, we have begun to prepare for our next move. Ken will finish classes in about 4 months and we're off to our next duty station. We're looking at houses, checking out churches and schools, making a plan.

And, somewhat unexpectedly, I find myself again wrestling with a feeling of fear. I know, it doesn't sound rational. I am married to a military man and moving is what we do. We've done this lots and lots of times. And therein lies the problem.

As we prepare for yet another move, I know what to expect. I've been through the pack out and the drive, the house hunting and the finding my way around. The meeting new friends, answering the same questions, again finding a place to fit in. Some parts of it are very exciting and some parts, not so much.

Granted, I am beyond blessed that we are not looking down the barrel of a deployment right now. I know how good we have it. But still. I don't want to move again. Start over again. Pull the kids away from friends and step out of our comfort zones. I don't want to try to find a new place to call home that isn't really home, find a new church, build trust with people I have yet to even meet. Deal with the anxieties that my children feel, get everyone used to a new bedroom, find a new dentist and hair salon and dry cleaner and the list goes on. I don't want my husband to go on trips while I'm left in what feels like the middle of nowhere to hold down the proverbial fort.

Fear, I tell you. That's exactly what it is.

However, just as with having our sweet little boy, this, too, is inevitable. As long as God wills it, this is what we will do. I can choose to kick and scream and dig my heels in, giving into the pity party that I sometimes choose to throw for myself. Or I can look to the God who has called us to this and trust that He has gone before us.

He has blessed us. I know I say it so much, but I will never be able to adequately express the truth of that fact. He has only called us to where He has provided, and every time, He has proven Himself so much bigger than any fear. What He is calling us to right now isn't really even hard, much less suffering. It is only uncomfortable and it goes very much against my selfish nature and desire for ease.

So, I will not choose to give into fear. I will choose to believe that we are only going where we have been sent by our Father. He has already gone before us and His love casts out all fear. I will try to choose joy and trust in His provision. I will lean not on my own understanding and trust Him to direct my path. He has called me by name, I am His and I have nothing to fear.

I know by the very fact that I am human that fear will be an ever present battle in my life. Sometimes in big ways and other times in small. But for today, I will claim truth. And rest in the knowledge of Him.

Speaking of resting, it is now after 3am and tomorrow promises to be another long day. I have written and processed and been reminded of truth. And now I shall go to bed.

Good night.

we call this school

2010-02-08T22:53:00.008-05:00

When we first started homeschooling this year, I wasn't really sure what to expect. I had a curriculum to work through, lessons to teach and books to read. While we still do all of those things, I have also come to appreciate having the flexibility of being at home. After all, if I'm only going to teach exactly like a school would teach them, then why not just send them to school, right? Since we're not limited to a classroom setting and we have to be flexible anyway, why not just make it fun?

Fortunately, the little people at my house are very creative and are always coming up with fun things to entertain themselves. I just try to add a little educational value and bam! School!

After I came home from the grocery store last week, the kiddos quickly unloaded the groceries onto the floor. They were at first hunting for the good stuff, but then decided to use the groceries as towers and such.

So, since we had food all the over the floor anyway, I gave them a box of play money and some coins and we made a "store". They took turns buying groceries and being the cashier. Good math practice and more fun than worksheets.

After the "store" closed, they used the groceries to make a train for their stuffed animals. To a passerby, it may look like chaos. And they would be right! But don't worry, we cleaned it up later.

The next morning, we got to watch a squirrel right outside our back door. A certain mommy (who will remain nameless) had set the garbage outside the door rather than braving the cold to walk it 10 feet to the garbage can. So this little guy was living large out there. It was fun to watch him up close.

And, so as not to let my laziness be wasted, we made this into an educational event, too! The kids all piled around and drew the squirrel and wrote all their observations about him. Science. Handwriting. Critical thinking. Bam! Bam! Bam! Isn't school great?

Lest you be worried, we do real school as well. And although I do have occasional moments of panic, overall I think they are doing okay.

But the best days are the ones when we can just learn from what's around us. And we are both learning tons this year.

Because it's the middle of winter...

2010-02-05T21:28:00.002-05:00

...and I thought you could use a little color in your day. :)

simple

2010-02-04T15:33:00.003-05:00

This Sunday I got to sit through a whole church service. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen nearly as much as I would like. Most weeks I am in the cry room or the nursery or in and out and back and forth. But this week I got to sit and listen and worship, and it was wonderful.

Our church is of a more contemporary style that I am accustomed to, and sometimes I really miss the hymns that so speak to my heart. But this Sunday, as we sang the praise songs, God was gracious to show me Himself in the simplicity. Some of the songs are the same simple words over and over. But what I saw, maybe for the first time, was that though these words may have lacked in depth, they were profound truths about who God is.

Sometime I need to go back to the basics. To tell myself and have told to me the simple truth about my Father. The simple truth about a God who loves me, who gave Himself for me and will be forever faithful. As I have been contemplating this simple truth, I have been hearing this song on the radio and God is using it to daily speak to me and remind me of Him. I hope it speaks to your heart as well. It is so simple. And true.

(Turn off the music at the bottom of the blog first, of course.)

super mom

2010-02-02T22:18:00.004-05:00

This morning I got 5 children dressed and fed. I laid out clothes last night, so I was able to find clean undies and clean clothes and I even found 12 clean socks. I got shoes on everyone and hair brushed and teeth brushed and jackets on. I packed the diaper bag, found toys for entertainment, books for reading, snacks for eating and water cups for the masses. I rallied the troops, led them to the car and buckled all the carseats.

And we went to the dentist.

The 4 oldest children got their teeth cleaned and the littlest guy watched. Nobody cried, everyone used very nice manners and no one had cavities. They all picked prizes out of the treasure chest and we went happily on our way. We again filed outside, loaded the up the van and headed home. Lunch time went well, the food was healthy and everyone was happy.

And I felt like super mom.

I don't always feel like super mom. When the laundry is overflowing or the dishes or piling up or the baby is playing in the toilet, I don't feel like supermom. When the kids are fighting or are walking around in PJs at noon or I haven't showered in 3 days. Or when I'm feeding the kids cereal for dinner or losing my temper or cleaning up poop. Then, I don't feel like supermom.

But today I did.

In a season in life where the littlest things can feel monumental, such a small accomplishment feels like a victory. God carried me through the day and gave me that little bit of encouragement I needed. And now, I think I can make it through another week...

as just plain, ol' mom.

Gracie-isms

2010-01-29T16:44:00.006-05:00

Yes, that was the handprint of sweet Grace on my last post. I so love finding little notes and drawings from her. She loves making gifts and surprises and it melts my heart.

She also is a thinker. She says the funniest things sometimes. Here's a couple of Gracie-isms from this week.

**As she was eating grits for dinner, "Mom how do you think people that use chopsticks eat their grits?"

How many regular chopstick users do you think have ever eaten grits?

**As she was working on her schoolwork, she had to write a word that rhymes with "sing". (I'm thinking....king? ring?) Nope. "I know! Bling!!! Like, this necklace is a nice piece of bling!!"

I my defense, I think she learned that one from "Snow Buddies".

** And one more.

G: "Mom, can I have a big, BIG sheet of paper?"

Me: " How big?"

G: "As big as your stomach!"

No comment.

And speaking of fun little girls.... we're about to have a house full of them. We're having a sleepover tonight with 7 giggly girls. All night long. Bless us every one.

little things...

2010-01-27T23:48:00.005-05:00

It starts early

2010-01-26T20:03:00.004-05:00

These past couple of weeks the great freeze has begun to thaw a bit. I know it won't last (it's supposed to snow this weekend, I think), but it has re-energized me a bit. It was so warm, in fact, that most of the snow melted. The girls took the opportunity to have a nice little picnic and enjoy the beautiful 40 degree day.

This was obviously a girls only picnic. Although I'm sure the boys would have been allowed to attend had they so wanted, Jacob decided that he would rather just provide entertainment instead.

Before I realized what had happened, our sweet 3 year old had stripped off his shirt and ran to the window. He got the girls attention, then began making funny faces and dancing around. Then, once he was sure he had their undivided attention, he began doing tricks, running into the window and throwing himself on the ground. It looked nothing like my sweet little boy, but rather like some bizarre mating ritual that you might see on the Discovery Channel.

Of course the girls giggled (and his sisters rolled their eyes), which obviously just encouraged him. So on went the performance. I really didn't know it would start this early. But he is a little man after all. I'm sure that's not the last silly thing he'll do in his life just to get the attention of a girl.

Of course, I led him away from the window and put his shirt back on with a few well-timed words about modesty. And hugged my sweet little boy. And laughed.

Thoughts on Roe v. Wade

2010-01-23T20:42:00.005-05:00

This week was the anniversary of the landmark decision of Roe v. Wade that legalized abortion in our country. It is unimaginable to me the number of innocent lives taken since then and the number that will be taken still. While of course I am thinking of the babies that were never born, today I am also thinking of the other victims to these abortions. The women and men who are now living with scars of a choice they made or a choice that was made for them. Maybe this person is you.

I think in our zeal to defend the lives of the unborn, we as Christians have sometimes failed to show compassion to those who are wounded and living lives full of regret. I know more people than I might have once imagined who have suffered through the loss and heartache that come with abortion. I have seen them wrestle with the decisions they have made and struggle to come to a place of healing. They really are the walking wounded in many ways and are more in need of grace, forgiveness and love than many of us can imagine. And though you may not know it, you know these people too. It's not something they advertise and certainly not something they are proud of, but it is a part of who they are. They do not need our judgement but our understanding. Not hatred but healing.

Obviously, most of us would never intentionally be judgmental or critical of another's choices, but yet we, through our actions and careless words, lead them to believe that we might view them with the same disdain with which we view abortion. Although I do hate the act and the choice, I could never judge those who have been in such a hopeless place that they have felt this decision was the only one they could make. Many of these are our brothers and sisters in Christ, our fellow church members, our neighbors, our friends, our husbands or wives. And we are called to love them as such.

So, as I remember all of these people this week, I pray for them, for their hearts. For the families they may have now and for the families that they may wish they had. I pray for an understanding of the fullness of God's mercies and grace that extends even to them. Especially to them. That if they are hurting, that they may hurt no longer, but walk anew today in God's forgiveness. And if they are not hurting, I pray that their hearts will be softened to the grace that the Father is extending to them.

And may we also pray fervently for God to take the blinders off of His people. That we may love and fight for the lives that He has created, be they unborn or elderly or anywhere in between. God's heart is for His people and I pray that ours would be too.

Bumpa and Grandma

2010-01-22T23:33:00.009-05:00

As I mentioned before, I am way behind in posting. So, for the memories sake, indulge me for a bit while I play catch up with some photos.

Just before Christmas, Ken's folks came out for the weekend and we all got to enjoy some quality grandparent time. The kids so enjoyed visiting with them, as did we. And we even got to sneak in a "date" to the Christmas Ball. Well, we actually didn't sneak it in. It was one of the reasons they came out when they did... so we would be able to go and leave the kids with them. As Ken said, when it comes to babysitting, sometimes you have to fly in the professionals.

Anyway, everyone got some fun play time with Bumpa and Grandma.

There was lots of holding and snuggles.

And, of course, Grandma made Christmas cookies with the kids. Because that's what Grandma's do, right?

And the kids loved it. Because that's what kids do.

They got to go on a couple of walks together when the weather wasn't too cold.

And when it was they just cuddled up on the couch and read Christmas books that Grandma and Bumpa brought just for the occasion.

It's always a little crowded here in our cozy place, but it worked out fine. And the kids loved getting to deflate the guest room every morning.

We're always thankful when we get to spend time with our family. That they are always willing to make treks across the country to visit us and to love on our kids and pile into our tiny houses. They are just cool that way. So the visit was fun and we're glad our kids get to spend a few days, every chance we get, seeing where they came from.

And I see where this one came from. Anyone else see any family resemblance here?